Title:
Broken Road
Author: Chaps1870
Warnings: Slash m/m
Pairings: Jarrod/Adam
Rating: NC17
Summary: Two old friends discover they share more than just a simple
friendship
Disclaimer: This story is for entertainment only and not intended to
infringe on the holders of rights of The Big Valley or Bonanza.
The Broken Road-by
Chaps
I set out on a narrow way
many years ago
Hoping I would find true
love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or
two
Wiped my brow and kept
pushing through
I couldn’t see how every
sign pointed straight to you
‘Bless the Broken Road’~Rascal Flatts
Chapter 1
The dark haired stranger got off the
train and looked up and down the street, wondering how long it would take to
run across Jarrod Barkley. He had been
in
Finding a hotel, Adam
dropped off his bag and went in search of a good meal and a stiff drink. Sitting in the Cattlemen’s dining room, his
resolve to look up his old friend faded and he’d all but decided to catch the
next train home when a familiar voice caught his attention. Looking up from his meal, his eyes scanned
the restaurant for his friend.
Jarrod sat at a table with several other
gentlemen and seemed to sense he was being watched. Turning his head just slightly to the left,
he was about to take a puff on his cigar when he froze, his eyes widening in
surprise at the man in black sitting across the room from him. A one-sided smile appeared and he quickly
excused himself before striding confidently across the room.
Adam watched him approach
and was amazed at the transformation from gangly youth to manhood. Jarrod had always been tall and thin in his
younger days, but the added height and broader shoulders surprised Adam. He wore the suit coat and gentlemanly ways
with ease and seemed comfortable with who he was. As Jarrod got closer, Adam wiped his face
with his napkin and stood up, his hand outstretched in greeting.
Jarrod took it firmly in
his and wrapping his other arm around Adam, gave him welcoming hug, “Adam! What
a surprise!” Just as quickly, Jarrod
released him and stood back, his eyes going over the changes in his friend.
“What brings you to
Smiling at his exuberant
welcome, Adam motioned for him to have a seat. “Thought I’d stop by and see an
old friend. I wasn’t too sure you’d even remember me.”
A bit of sadness shone in
Jarrod’s eyes as he sat down, but it vanished just as quickly and Adam wondered
if he’d misread him. Jarrod smiled, “I
could never forget you, Adam. I still remember all the great times we had. How
long you in town for?”
“Oh, a
couple days maybe. Can’t be
gone too long or my father will send out a posse,” laughed Adam. He sometimes hated to admit that his father
had such control, but Jarrod had a strong sense of family just as he did and
Adam had never felt uncomfortable telling him the truth.
“How is the ranch doing?
I’ve heard you’ve got one of the biggest spreads out that way.”
Adam flashed him a dimpled
grin, “We do all right. What are you up
to?” Reaching across the table he
fingered Jarrod’s fancy suit, “Can’t be doing too much work if you’re dressed like
that.”
Jarrod batted his hand out
of the way, “I didn’t go to school to be a rancher if you remember right.”
Teasing him, Adam laughed
“Ah yes. I believe you were interested
in finding justice for all. A fancy
lawyer if memory serves me.”
“Humph. I suppose those law classes you took were a
waste of time after you found engineering to your liking.”
It never occurred to either
of them that despite years of separation they still knew a great deal about the
other and it was easy to find conversation over the next hour. As the dining area began to clear, Jarrod
asked, “Why don’t you come out to the ranch with me? Mother would never forgive
me if she thought I let an old friend stay in town.”
“I hate to impose on your
family.”
“Nonsense. You can finally meet them.”
Both men stood, and Jarrod
dropped his hand onto Adam’s shoulder, “It’s really great to see you
again. I doubted we’d ever cross paths
again.” Adam shuddered under Jarrod’s
hand, and walked ahead to put a little distance between them. Jarrod followed right behind, stopping only
long enough to grab his hat and gunbelt from his
original table.
Meeting Adam in the street,
Jarrod was amazed at the bulk his friend had put on over the years. His broad shoulders and narrow hips were a
testament to the hard work he did, and the muscles were plainly visible beneath
the black shirt he wore. Jarrod led them to the livery and they borrowed a
horse for Adam to get to the ranch. It
was a pleasant ride and the sun was just beginning to set as they topped the
last rise to the ranch. Adam whistled at
the site of the pristine white mansion and outbuildings that constituted the
main ranch, “Looks like the Barkley’s have quite an empire of their own.”
Jarrod laughed, “We do all
right.”
Adam
was introduced to the family and they all spent an enjoyable evening sharing
stories of their younger days. If Adam
was surprised by his introduction to Heath, he hid it well and Jarrod breathed
a sigh of relief. It sometimes made for
an awkward situation when old friends were introduced to the newest member of
the family, but Adam handled the news without pause. Eventually the family retired for the
evening, leaving Jarrod and Adam time alone to get reacquainted. Adam was drawn to the bookshelves as they
settled into a comfortable silence, broken only by a question or comment here
and there.
Jarrod
stood looking out the patio doors, his frame barely visible in the dark alcove.
Downing what was left of his drink he finally worked up the nerve to ask the
one question they’d both been avoiding all night, “What happened, Adam?”
Setting
his book down, Adam joined Jarrod and leaned into the doorjamb behind him, his
arms crossed. “I know why I left it behind.
I was too afraid to ask what your reasons were.”
Standing
behind Jarrod, Adam could smell his aftershave and felt the all too familiar
stirring in his groin. It took all his
strength not to take that one step forward and press up against his friend’s
back, wrap him in his arms and savor what he’d denied himself all these years.
Instead he held back and inhaled Jarrod’s smell again. God, he couldn’t believe how hard this was
and it brought back all the reasons he’d left him behind to begin with. What he felt for Jarrod had gone from simple
friendship to an overwhelming desire.
He’d
hoped that years had dulled the need and it was just a phase in his youth. Standing in Jarrod’s presence made the
desires of years past come back sharply with each breath he took. He knew what he’d felt for Jarrod was wrong
and rather than lose their friendship, he’d walked away.
What
he never understood or figured out, was why Jarrod never questioned it. Taking a deep breath he was again assaulted
by Jarrod’s aroma and shook his head to clear his thoughts as he whispered,
“You never looked back.”
His
back still to Adam, Jarrod sighed, “You’re wrong. I looked back every day and
wondered where you were, but I was dealing with a lot of things that I just
couldn’t handle. It was easier to let it go.
Safer...I suppose.”
“What
do you mean, safer?” Adam was curious
now and determined to get some answers.
Jarrod feared he’d said too much and turned to face Adam,
“Forget it. I really don’t want to talk about it.”
As he turned to leave, Adam grabbed his arm to stop him. Holding Jarrod’s arm in his grasp, he felt
the trembling beneath his fingers, and when he looked up, all he saw were two
shimmering blue pools staring back at him.
His grip loosened and he felt himself leaning forward and without any
thought he kissed Jarrod’s lips. Never
having kissed a man, he was surprised by the softness of Jarrod’s lips and the
tantalizing feelings that accompanied it.
Realizing there was no response,
he pulled back and saw only shock reflected in Jarrod’s eyes. He closed his eyes and shook his head,
chastising himself for being so impulsive without regard to anything but to
actually touch Jarrod as he’d dreamed of for so many years. Any chance at
rebuilding their friendship was now ruined, and he only had himself to blame. With a final look at Jarrod he started from
the room, “I’ll get my things and leave.”
Standing
in the middle of the room, Jarrod stood unblinking, afraid to even
breathe. His heart was pounding wildly
and only when the door closed did he suck in a great gasping breath. Reaching up with a shaky hand he wiped the
sweat from his brow. He was numb and it
took a few minutes to calm his nerves.
It cleared his head and he heard Adam’s final words shouting in his
head. He was leaving. That thought
was enough to spur him to action and he rushed from the room.
As
he stood at the door to Adam’s room Jarrod hesitated, unsure what he was going
to say. He knocked very softly and only
opened the door when a forlorn answer came from behind the closed door, “Come
in.” Adam sat on the edge of the bed,
his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. Jarrod entered and closing the door, leaned
into it heavily.
“You
don’t have to go.”
Jarrod
remained still, but asked quietly, “Is that why you drifted away all those
years ago?”
Adam
was confused by Jarrod’s reaction. He wasn’t angry as he expected him to be and
even seemed sympathetic, judging from the look in his eyes. Unsure, Adam tried to explain, “I didn’t know
of any other way to spare you. I
couldn’t very well tell you, now could I?
Hell, Jarrod I’ve always liked women.
Still do, but something about you...well...never mind.” Adam stood up and started cramming clothes
into his saddlebags, anxious to leave his embarrassment behind.
Walking to the bed, Jarrod placed one hand on
Adam’s and took the saddlebags from his trembling hands. “Stop.” Adam’s eyes widened in
surprise when Jarrod slipped his hand to the back of his neck and stared into
his brown depths. “I don’t want you to go.”
As
he spoke, Jarrod got closer and closer to Adam’s mouth and with his last word
his lips covered Adam’s. This time it
was Adam that couldn’t respond, the shock of what was happening too much for
him to process. Adam stood with his eyes
closed, his heartbeat drowning out his thoughts as Jarrod stopped and pulled
away. His heart was pounding as he
licked his lips, tasting what was left of their kiss. Jarrod’s eyes remained locked on his and he
spoke softly as his fingers played with the fine hairs on his neck, “I was as
scared as you were back then and I spent years denying what I felt. When I saw you today, it was like we’d never
been apart and it all came rushing back.”
His
admission was a relief and yet it seemed to take all his strength. Stepping back, Jarrod sat down heavily on the
edge of the bed and Adam moved to sit beside him. Neither man spoke, each one trying to come to
terms with what they were feeling for the other. Adam was the first to speak. “Now what?”
“I
don’t know. I’ve never done this sort of thing before.” Jarrod looked at Adam
with longing in his eyes and asked, “Can I kiss you again?”
Adam
put an arm behind Jarrod to brace himself and his other hand reached out to cup
Jarrod’s face. It was rough to the
touch, but not unnatural as Adam thought it might be. Jarrod leaned into his
hand, his eyes closed for a moment as he resisted the shiver that threatened
with the electrifying feel of Adam’s touch.
Their eyes gazed at each other, but drifted close when Adam leaned
forward and their lips met in a mutual kiss.
It
was a tentative kiss, neither man sure of themselves
but it left them both breathless nonetheless.
Jarrod let himself fall back on the bed as he tried to catch his breath
and Adam took some initiative by leaning across Jarrod, pressing his lips
firmly against his as Jarrod ran his fingers through his dark curls.
As
the long repressed passion built, Jarrod’s tongue darted forward and pressed
into Adam’s lips requesting entrance.
Granting him access, their tongues danced across each other, urgent in
their quest for more. Scooting back on
the bed their mouths never apart, Adam stretched out above Jarrod and continued
to kiss him feverishly, years of denial could no longer stop the fire that
burned from within. Jarrod’s hands
caressed the rippling muscles of Adam’s broad back as he plunged his tongue in
and out of the mouth that was assaulting his senses. His manhood grew and he felt the growing
hardness of Adam’s arousal above him as his hands pulled at Adam’s shirt,
wanting to get to the skin beneath.
Lifting up, Adam let Jarrod pull his shirt out and when the lawyer’s
fingers touched his skin, his whole body shivered and he arched his back,
pushing his groin into Jarrod’s in the process.
Jarrod’s
hips arched up sharply at the sudden increase in contact and his hands clenched
on Adam’s back, biting back a groan at the intensity of pleasure that shot
through him. Grabbing Adam’s backside in his hands, Jarrod forced his hips
upward needing more friction against his aching erection. Adam complied with his own thrusts and soon
they established a rhythm that had them gasping for relief, their mouths crushed
together in a searing kiss as they strove for more and more of the delectable
pleasure that had them biting back moans of delight.
As
they rubbed and pushed their throbbing lengths against each other, neither man
could recall it ever feeling this good.
No woman had ever made them feel as they did now, this unmistakable
feeling of rightness that consumed them.
Adam thrust hard into Jarrod’s groin, feeling his erection straining
against the material of his pants and needing the ache to stop.
Beneath
him, Jarrod suddenly grabbed at his hips and pushed Adam’s groin sharply into
his own, then arching his back, he began shuddering with his building
climax. Jarrod’s release was so erotic
that Adam buried his head in the crook of his neck and came hard in the wake of
Jarrod’s own orgasm. They rocked against
each other convulsively until not a drop remained, slumping into the bed
exhausted but satisfied.
Adam
was the first to recover and he rolled off onto his side next to Jarrod, using
his hand to wipe away the perspiration that rolled down his face. His breathing
was ragged and hoarse as he told Jarrod, “I’ve never had that feel so good.”
Chuckling
at Adam’s admission, Jarrod confessed, “Not since I was in college and dreamed
about a tall, dark haired boy.”
Putting
his hands behind his head, Adam sighed, “I have no idea what to do. I’ve never
done this before.”
“Well
it’s new to me too. I’ve spent the last
ten years trying to forget. Thought I
was over it. I figured it was a phase
maybe, because I’ve never had a desire like that since then.” Jarrod paused,
but then added, wanting Adam to understand. “I don’t know what it is about you,
Adam. I’ve never been attracted to men
but something about you makes me unable to resist what I’m feeling.” He hesitated
before continuing in a lower voice, “I wanted your touch back then. I wanted to
be with you all the time and it scared me to feel like that, especially with a
man. What we just did... I’ve never felt like that with a
woman... never.”
“I
guess with me, I’ve always known I was different. I also knew it could never
be, would never be acceptable so I did what I could to hide it. When you showed
up in my life I couldn’t hide it like I was used to. Rather than spoil what we
had, I had to leave or do something I’d regret later.” Rolling on his side to look at Jarrod he
asked, “So what happens now? I’m leaving
tomorrow afternoon.”
Jarrod
knew that this was something they wouldn’t be able to hold onto and they would
have to return to normal lives. An impossible
task maybe, now that they had tasted the forbidden fruit. “Can you stay an extra day or two? We need
more time.”
“I
don’t know. A day or two isn’t going to
make it any easier. Our lives are
already separated by too many miles.
It’s going to be hard enough as it is.”
Rolling
onto his side, Jarrod lifted up on his elbow and dropped his hand onto Adam’s
hip. “Are you alright with this?”
Facing
Jarrod, Adam reached out his hand and ran his fingers through the dark hair at
Jarrod’s nape. “I don’t know. I know it’s wrong to want you like I do, but
I can’t stop wanting to touch you and kiss you. I know it’s supposed to be
unnatural, but there is nothing unnatural when my lips are on yours.”
Adam
pushed Jarrod back onto the bed and covered his mouth with his own. His tongue invaded Jarrod’s mouth and made
long sweeping motions as Jarrod plunged his own tongue into Adam’s. Jarrod’s fingers worked at the buttons of Adam’s
shirt, needing more of what had been so long denied. There wasn’t enough time
to get all he wanted from the one he’d denied for so long and his fingers
fought for more of the delicious contact with skin that burned his senses.
As
he pushed aside the shirt and found the thick mat of hair, he ran his fingers through
the coarse curls, making Adam hiss at the contact. Adam balanced himself above Jarrod and
quickly undid his shirt, his hands needing to touch the smooth skin of Jarrod’s
chest. Jarrod was lost in the sensations
and selfishly let Adam caress his chest and abdomen. When Adam found the tight nipple on his chest
and encircled it with a light touch of his finger, Jarrod clenched the
bedcovers in a tight fist. His breathing
increased and his burgeoning length pushed against the coarse material of his pants.
Adam’s
own hardness pulsed against Jarrod’s thigh and he shivered every time Jarrod
reacted to his teasing caresses. Letting his fingers drift lower, Adam was
entranced by the way the muscles of Jarrod’s abdomen rippled in his wake. When he reached the waistband of Jarrod’s
pants he could see the outline of his erection and he startled at the
size. His eyes darkening with desire as
he reached in with his fingers, trying to touch the prize that lie beneath. Jarrod lay gasping for air and when Adam
hesitated, Jarrod opened his eyes and found him staring, begging permission
with dark, desire filled eyes. “Please,
Adam. Touch me!”
Adam’s
hand shook as he worked the buttons of Jarrod’s pants, and hearing Jarrod’s
breathing change he pressed himself harder against his thigh, his own member
throbbing painfully. When Jarrod’s
bulging thickness sprang out of his pants, Adam’s eyes widened at the size but
resisted the temptation to touch it.
Jarrod was desperate for his touch, and he thrashed on the bed trying to
push himself towards Adam’s hand.
Instead,
Adam slipped his hand into Jarrod’s pants and ran it down his thigh avoiding
the pulsing heat that tempted him. On
the upward sweep, his fingers found Jarrod’s sac and he played with the tight
orbs until he had Jarrod moaning softly with pleasure. Pulling his hand out a little more, he had to
close his eyes and fight for control when he grasped the base of Jarrod’s
shaft, marveling at the softness of such steely hardness. Never had he imagined
the thrill or need touching another man would bring him. That it was Jarrod was
almost too much and he fought for control not to explode prematurely. Jarrod was beside himself and covering his
mouth with his forearm, bit down, afraid he would cry out at the unbelievable
pleasure that coursed through him.
Closing
his eyes at the sight Jarrod presented, Adam fought for control as his hips
thrust sharply into Jarrod’s thigh with ever increasing speed. Both men were on the edge, and when Adam
curiously let his thumb collect the wetness at the tip of Jarrod’s crown, he
watched in amazement as Jarrod’s shaft swelled even larger. Jarrod was wild with need and be begged
through gritted teeth, “Oh god, Adam. Please!”
Grasping
Jarrod’s pulsing length, Adam stroked him tenderly, savoring the feel of the
powerful staff. It was too much for
Jarrod and he bucked into Adam’s hand desperate for release. Adam strokes became harder and faster when
suddenly Jarrod’s hands clamped down on the bed, his hips shot upward, and he
bit his lip to keep from screaming Adam’s name.
Watching
in fascination, Adam almost lost control when Jarrod’s stomach muscles began
quivering and his balls pulled up sharply against the base of his shaft. The thickness in his hand pulsed with the
added flow of blood and Jarrod spurted stream after stream of milky white
substance over his hand. Jarrod’s body
stayed tight and tense until the Adam pulled every drop from his needy flesh
and only when he was done did Jarrod sag to the bed, totally spent.
Shuddering
in the aftermath of such a powerful orgasm, Jarrod tried to remove Adam’s belt
to get to his bulging erection. Adam’s
need was so strong, that he was struggled not to thrust. Weakly, Jarrod pushed Adam onto his back and
quickly undid his belt and a couple of buttons.
Slipping his hand into Adam’s pants, Jarrod shivered uncontrollably at
the size and length of his friend’s manhood.
Not as thick as his own, but certainly a little longer, Jarrod only
barely grasped it when Adam’s hand covered his own and with two sharp thrusts,
he pumped his hot seed all over his belly.
Jarrod reclaimed Adam’s mouth, his tongue plunging inward to stop the
moans that threatened from Adam’s throat.
His
hand worked Adam’s length until there was nothing more to give and he was
gasping for air. Lying at Adam’s side,
Jarrod felt him twitching from the tiny aftershocks and he smiled in
satisfaction. His hand slid from Adam’s
groin up to his chest and he played with the hairs there. The idea that he could excite Adam was heady
and he never wanted it to end. All his dreams and desires were now completely
focused on the man beside him. It was
terrifying and exciting to admit that all his thoughts were of a man and not of
some woman, as others expected of him.
Adam’s
hand rested on Jarrod’s forearm, caressing it as he fingered his chest. He sighed heavily, “You should go. We both need some sleep and the last thing
you need is for your family to find you in here with me.”
“I
know. Just a few more minutes.” Jarrod moved closer
and Adam hugged him tight, neither of them wanting to give up the moment. After several minutes, Jarrod sighed and
patted Adam’s chest signaling his time to leave. “We can go for a ride tomorrow. I’ll show you
the ranch. It’ll give us at least the day together.”
His
voice held a certain sadness, but he refused to let it tarnish this chance
they’d been given. Jarrod sat up and
dropped his feet off the edge of the bed.
Adam
moved behind him and wrapping his arms around him, took a deep breath, inhaling
Jarrod’s scent. “We’ll just have to figure something out.”
The
next morning, Jarrod trudged out of bed with the sun. Not normally a morning person, the lack of
sleep made the chore of getting up even more taxing. Rubbing his scratchy face he made his way to
the bathroom only to find it locked as he wiggled the knob. He muttered under his breath as he turned
back to his room, “Aw damn it.”
Inside,
Adam called out when he heard the knob turning, “Hold on, I’ll be done in a
minute.”
Jarrod
stopped and knocked softly on the door, “It’s me, Adam. Open up.”
Adam
pulled the door open and stepped aside letting Jarrod in. Jarrod went straight to the water closet and
relieved himself, sighing as he finished.
With his head thrown back at the pleasure of draining his aching
bladder, Jarrod had no idea what his presence was doing to the other occupant
of the spacious bathroom.
Adam
stared with his mouth open as Jarrod stood before him, holding his limp member
in his hand. Jarrod started to turn
towards Adam as he tucked himself back into his pajamas and stopped when he saw
Adam in nothing but his standard black pants.
In
the process of dressing, Adam stood behind him bare-chested with his pants
unbuttoned, hanging open. Adam hadn’t
bothered buttoning them, waiting instead until he donned his shirt to tuck
everything in. With his hand still
grasping his soft flesh, Jarrod felt it quiver with desire and he stepped up to
Adam. They stood toe to toe, their
heights evenly matched as they gazed at each other. Their eyes were mirrors of desire and this
time it was Jarrod that initiated the kiss.
It was a long languorous kiss that left them both breathless and stirred
their passion even higher.
Last
night had opened new feelings for both of them and they wanted to explore the
desire that couldn’t be satiated.
Pushing Adam back into the wall, Jarrod dropped his hands to Adam’s
slender hips and slipped his pants off.
Still
clad in his light cotton pants, there was no mistaking Jarrod’s desire as he
pressed his hardness into Adam’s own throbbing length. Adam’s arms snaked around Jarrod’s back and
held him tightly to his chest as he tried to regain some control. Jarrod wasn’t making it easy as he kissed and
nipped at Adam’s neck and throat. When
Jarrod slipped his own pants lower and pressed his exposed flesh against Adam’s, the dark eyed rancher threw his head back and moaned in
ecstasy. Nuzzling Adam’s ear with his
tongue, Jarrod whispered, “Shh...Someone might hear.”
Adam
nodded blissfully, his eyes closed as Jarrod continued to assault him with his
mouth, tasting every inch of exposed skin. Their erections oozed the
lubrication needed and they slid their aching lengths against each other,
pushing and pressing for more. Sliding
his hands lower, Adam grabbed Jarrod’s ass and pulled him closer as he thrust
forward. His breathing increased with
every upward thrust and Jarrod felt his own body responding to Adam’s
passion. Leaning forward, Jarrod rested
his forehead against the door and breathed in Adam’s ear, “Let it go.”
Reaching
his hands between them, Adam gripped both of their weeping shafts and pleaded
in a half-whisper, “Harder.”
Jarrod
reached down and grasping Adam’s hips, used them to
leverage himself as he thrust into Adam’s hands. Adam could feel the burn begin and panted
against Jarrod’s shoulder, his hips and hands working furiously to put an end
to his painful pleasure.
When
Adam bit his shoulder to stop from moaning as his orgasm erupted, coating
Jarrod’s needy flesh, Jarrod felt his balls tighten and the blinding light
exploded at the base of his shaft. He hissed through gritted teeth, “Awww!”
He
thrust sharply, spurting his seed between their sweat soaked bodies to mingle
with Adam’s. They both shuddered and
shivered as they finished then leaned heavily against the other as they caught
their breaths.
“That
was incredible,” sighed Adam.
Jarrod
had his head buried in Adam’s neck, still trying to get air into his lungs. “Mmmm”
Adam
smiled and pushed Jarrod off his shoulder to get him moving. “We need to get
cleaned up and get out of here.” Taking
the rag he’d used earlier, Adam quickly cleaned himself up then handing it to
Jarrod, started dressing. Jarrod did
the same and started to leave with Adam but stopped when Adam patted his cheek
playfully, “I never imagined saying this, but you are scratchy.” He turned Jarrod around and pushed him
towards the sink as he said firmly, “Shave!”
Jarrod flashed him a one-sided smile, picked up the towel
and used it to flick Adam on his way out the door. “Go!”
The
last one to breakfast, Jarrod took his normal place opposite his mother and
found himself having to concentrate on not staring at Adam. His brothers inadvertently made it easier by
starting in on his choice to wear ranch clothes. Heath sat on his left and
lifted a curious eyebrow, his eyes betraying his mischief, “I see you’re
dressed for some serious work today, Jarrod. You plannin’ on helpin’ out
with the brandin’?”
Nick
howled with laughter, “Oh that will be the day our lawyer here dirties his
lily-white hands on some real work.”
Jarrod
tensed at the remark, but hid his hatred of the caustic barb as he teased back,
“I thought I’d take Adam for a tour of the ranch. We might stop by after and lend a hand if
you boys don’t think you can handle it.”
Heath
chided back, “Well, iffn’ you have a mind to actually
work, I’ve got about mile of fence up in the south pasture that needs mendin’. Everything is just waitin’
on a man to show up.”
“I
figure Jarrod here will manage to take a whole day just to ride around the
ranch. Anything to get out of helping,”
sneered Nick.
“So right, brother Nick. I want to
make sure Adam gets the grand tour.
Wouldn’t want him going home thinking you run anything but the perfect
ranch would you?”
Adam
watched the interplay curiously, smiling as Jarrod threw every remark back at
his brothers with a restrained calm.
He’d seemed to be the only one aware of Jarrod’s false bravado regarding
his working habits.
He
decided it was high time to put the two men in their place, “Well there are
certain advantages to the working side of the ranch. When the sun goes down our day is pretty much
done.” Adam motioned to Jarrod and added jokingly, “While we are sleeping,
Jarrod here is up 'til all hours of the night doing paperwork and preparing for
the next day’s work.”
While
Adam’s barb was delivered to make it appear he was siding with Nick and Heath,
both men seemed to take a moment to reflect on the truth of his words. He winked at Jarrod when he saw the tinge of
embarrassment pass over their faces and was rewarded with a small nod of thanks
from not only Jarrod, but his mother as well.
The conversation the rest of breakfast steered away from a personal attack
on Jarrod.
As
Jarrod and Adam headed out for their ride, Adam wondered out loud, “Why do you
let them treat you like that?”
Shrugging,
Jarrod sighed, “You have brothers. Don’t tell me that if they knew you felt strongly
about their teasing they wouldn’t use it to their advantage?”
“Hmm...You
have a point.” Adam hesitated before adding, “They don’t seem to respect you
much.”
“I’m
not a rancher, I’m a lawyer. They don’t
always see that what I do for the ranch is just as important as what they do.”
“Can
I ask about Heath? I don’t remember you ever mentioning him before.”
“He
came to live with us about three years ago.
It seems my father wasn’t as faithful to Mother as we all thought.”
Adam
kept his surprise to himself. “Your mother seems to be alright with the
situation, I have to say that I’m impressed.”
Jarrod
shook his own head and smiled, “Would you believe she was one of the first to
welcome him into the family?”
“She
is a remarkable woman, your mother.”
“That
she is.”
Stopping
his horse, Adam turned to Jarrod and said what was on his mind, hoping he
wasn’t going too far out on a limb, “You feel cast aside by him don’t you?”
Jarrod
was caught off guard by Adam’s insight, “I don’t know if cast aside is how I
would put it.”
“Then
how would you put it?”
Gesturing
forward, Jarrod began moving again as he answered Adam, “I don’t really
know. I think of Heath as my brother,
just like I do Nick. It’s
just....well...sometimes I’m not privy to their little world. Nick has Heath now,
he doesn’t need me to confide in. I
think Heath sees me more of his mentor and father figure than as a
brother. I suppose I’ve gotten so used
to it, I don’t actually think about it.
They live their lives and I live mine.”
As
Adam rode beside him, he reached across and rested his hand on Jarrod’s leg,
“If I remember right, it was very hard to get past that outer shell of
yours. You were never one to share
unless I asked you right out.”
Jarrod
smiled at him and teased, “That’s calling the kettle black and you still don’t
have a problem asking me whatever is on your mind.”
Adam
gave him his famous dimpled grin, “And I recall a certain young man who had no
problem interrogating me either, so we’ll leave it at that.”
“Maybe
we took the responsibilities of being the oldest too seriously.”
Contemplating
Jarrod’s words, Adam finally spoke up, “I’ve had times where I wish I could put
aside those responsibilities and live my life for myself instead of them.”
“Truer
words were never spoken,” huffed Jarrod.
Adam
slapped Jarrod on the back, “How ‘bout we live today for ourselves and the hell
with the rest of them.”
“Hmmm...Sounds
like a plan. What do you have in mind?”
Sweeping
his hand around the open pasture, Adam asked with a tinge of frustration, “I
don’t suppose you know of any place that is a little more secluded do you?”
“I
have a place or two no one knows about.”
Jarrod slapped Jingo with his reins, and kicked the horse in the side as
they headed out. Adam did the same and
both men were soon racing across the pasture up into the hills.
Tying the horses, Adam followed Jarrod up a steep incline
and into a rather tight opening in the rock face. It was pitch dark inside, but Jarrod seemed
to know his way around and he soon had a stashed lantern lit. The room wasn’t huge, but it was clearly a
place that Jarrod had taken the time to supply.
The corner had a palette of blankets, another lantern and a small shelf
of books. It was evidently a place
Jarrod used often enough to take care of it.
Adam walked to the palette and stood waiting for Jarrod to
join him. After an awkward moment of
indecision, Adam removed his hat and gun belt and Jarrod followed suit. As Jarrod removed his boots, Adam moved
behind him and slipped the vest off his shoulders then reaching around Jarrod’s
chest, began unbuttoning his shirt.
Jarrod tried to turn and remove Adam’s clothes, but Adam leaned over and
breathed in his ear, “Let me undress you.”
His hands worked steadily at the buttons of Jarrod’s shirt
and every time Adam’s fingers brushed his skin, Jarrod gasped for air. Jarrod’s arousal was straining in his pants
by the time Adam finished the last button and was leaning heavily into Adam’s
chest.
Adam took his time, slipping Jarrod’s shirt off his
shoulders and pressing himself into his back as his hands caressed Jarrod’s
bare arms and chest. He moved his
fingers to Jarrod’s nipples and encircled the tight nubs in ever smaller circles
until Jarrod was arching into his touch, desperate for more contact.
Adam
whispered in Jarrod’s ear as he nibbled on the sensitive skin of his earlobe,
“Patience.”
“Please,”
sighed Jarrod, slumping further into Adam’s chest.
When
Adam teased his taut peaks, Jarrod shivered and only Adam’s support kept him
up. “Stay with me.”
Jarrod’s
breathing was fast and Adam felt his own flesh rising at his response. Each time Adam squeezed Jarrod’s nipples, Jarrod would shudder and moan, making them both
harder. Jarrod’s smooth skin glistened
with a fine layer of perspiration and Adam’s tongue darted out to taste the
saltiness that gathered on his shoulder.
A shiver hit Jarrod and he arched into Adam as it traveled down his
spine. Giving him no time to recover,
Adam dropped his hand to his groin and began rubbing Jarrod’s hardness. Adam quickly grabbed him around the waist,
holding him steady when his knees threatened to buckle. Breathing raggedly and senses spiraling out
of control, Jarrod tried to regain his composure. Sensing Jarrod’s need for a moment of
reprieve, Adam stopped his caresses and simply held him tight,
dropping soft kisses on his shoulder and neck.
When
Jarrod’s breathing returned to a normal rhythm, Adam’s hand fumbled with the
buckle of Jarrod’s belt and looking over his shoulder, could see his bulging
erection straining against the tight material of his pants. The sight sent blood to his own aching flesh
and Adam pressed his cloth-covered length into Jarrod’s backside. Jarrod’s eyes closed as Adam’s hand worked
its way back to his pants and began releasing the buttons that confined his
needy length. He tried to help, but each
time, Adam batted his hand away until Jarrod resigned himself to waiting. When the last button came free, his pants
slipped off his hips and slid to the floor.
Jarrod
groaned out loud and had to resist the urge to grab himself
and finish off what Adam started. His
erection was rock hard and jutting outward, and Adam
let his hands linger on Jarrod’s thighs, marveling at the site below him. The beauty of a man’s arousal had never
crossed his mind and he couldn’t get over how powerful it appeared when filled
with such obvious need. He could feel
the tiny tremors pass through Jarrod with each twitch of the distended flesh
and Adam’s fingers caressed ever closer to the magnificent thickness that
beckoned him. As he touched the hard
softness, Jarrod’s breath hitched and he pushed himself into Adam’s touch only
to be denied time and time again when he pulled away. Adam turned his head and licked at Jarrod’s
ear, “Relax.”
Jarrod
could barely breathe and he stuttered a reply,
“Can’t...wait...much...longer.”
“Shhh...I’ll get you there...I
promise.” Adam moved around to stand in
front of Jarrod and slid his hands to Jarrod’s hips as he dropped his mouth
onto his chest, licking and kissing his way to the tender morsels there. Jarrod frantically grabbed for Adam’s
shoulders as he felt himself sway under the torturous ministrations. His fingers clenched the hard muscles beneath
Adam’s shirt as he worked his way lower and lower. Adam sucked and tasted the salty skin and
enjoyed the ripple of muscle as he teased Jarrod. Jarrod watched with ever growing need and
fascination and when Adam dropped to his knees in front of him, his eyes
widened with surprise and anticipation.
His dark blue eyes reflected the desire of the brown ones staring up at
him.
Adam
dropped his head and was drawn to the drop of glistening fluid that leaked from
the tip of Jarrod’s erection. He was unaware that his every move was being
watched with bated breath. His tongue
slowly came forward and he drew the drop into his mouth testing its taste. It was salty but not unpleasant and he licked
it again. Jarrod hadn’t realized he was holding his breath until Adam’s lips
kissed the tip of his engorged heat and he inhaled sharply. His head thrown back at the incredible warmth
that engulfed him, he couldn’t stop the groan that escaped him, “Oh god, Adam!
Don’t.”
Adam
needed this and he pleaded huskily, “I want to taste you.”
It
took all of Jarrod’s willpower not to explode right then and there, and he took
several deep breaths to try and ease the overwhelming need that threatened to
overpower him. Adam continued the
assault on his throbbing shaft and worked his tongue from the tip all they way
down his length, following the thick vein that pulsed with blood. His mouth
sucked and licked its way back to his tip and when Jarrod felt himself being
drawn into the moistness of Adam’s mouth, he knew it would soon be over. He no longer had any control other than the
need for release and he was at Adam’s mercy.
Adam
slid his mouth lower and lower until he could take no more, and then he slowly
pulled away before covering Jarrod’s hard length again and again. Jarrod couldn’t help but thrust and Adam
choked on the thickness that already filled his mouth. Pulling away immediately, Jarrod apologized
between gasps, “I’m...sorry....I can’t...stop...it.”
Grabbing
the base of Jarrod’s shaft to prevent him from repeating the same thing, Adam
took him in his mouth and Jarrod found he could thrust without gagging
him. Both men were learning as they went
and Adam found if he did to Jarrod what he liked himself he got the reaction he
was looking for.
As
Jarrod reacted, Adam worked harder to please him and Jarrod was soon panting
for release. “Awwww....awwww...awwwww.” Adam’s other hand reached up and began
fondling Jarrod’s sac and it signaled the end for him. His thrusts became erratic and Adam felt the
balls in his hand draw up sharply as the hardness in his mouth grew even
larger. Jarrod suddenly cried out with
his release, “OH God!”
Adam
had no choice but to swallow as Jarrod shot his seed into the back of his
throat. Jarrod trembled convulsively and
Adam reached his arm around Jarrod’s thighs to hold him up. His orgasm seemed to go on forever, and Adam
sucked every drop of the precious fluid until Jarrod went limp in his mouth. Jarrod could no longer hold himself up and
dropped onto his knees, letting Adam pull him forward to rest his head on his
shoulder. He shuddered in the aftermath
of his gut wrenching orgasm and tried to calm his breathing. “I can’t...breathe.”
Clasping
Jarrod’s neck, Adam held onto him tightly as his own body fought for control, “Shhh...just relax.”
A
few minutes passed and Jarrod realized that Adam was trembling. He pulled away and saw his face was clenched
tightly and his dark depths were wild with need. Pushing him back onto the palette of
blankets, Jarrod hurriedly removed Adam’s clothes. He wanted to explore Adam just as he had
done, but Adam was too far gone to allow for anything other than release.
Jarrod
didn’t hesitate for a moment, and dropping his head to Adam’s groin, slid as
much of his long length into his mouth as he could. Adam arched up sharply and Jarrod tried to
gasp for air as he felt him hit the back of his throat. He dropped a hand on Adam’s stomach to
control his thrust and worked his mouth up and down Adam’s heated shaft. Adam thrashed his head back and forth, his
hips bucking wildly despite Jarrod’s efforts to hold him down. Jarrod watched with fascination as Adam’s
stomach muscles began to quiver and he felt him swell in his mouth. A groan of pure pleasure escaped from Adam
as he pumped stream after stream into Jarrod’s mouth. “Jarrod!”
Jarrod
sucked until Adam could take no more and collapsed on the mat totally
spent. Releasing the softness from his
mouth, Jarrod rested his head on Adam’s stomach listening to him sigh in
satisfaction. Adam’s hand dropped to
Jarrod’s head and he stroked his now damp hair.
“I love you.” Jarrod looked at him in surprise and his own eyes mirrored
Adam’s feelings. Adam cupped his cheek
and uttered sadly, “How do I live with that? How can I live without you now?”
Moving up to lie beside him, Jarrod leaned into Adam’s
side and let him hold him. “We’ll have to come up with something...because
you’ve just ruined me for anyone else,” teased Jarrod.
It was said to lighten the situation, but was true
nonetheless. They lay for a long time in
silence, both men contemplating what lie ahead, wondering if they could go on
without the other now.
Jarrod
finally sat up and looked back at Adam.
“We best get going or there’s no telling what I might do.”
Adam
grabbed his arm, throwing Jarrod off balance and on top of his chest. “Hmmm. I like that
idea.” Jarrod tried to resist, but
Adam’s tongue played a dance of passion in his mouth and he felt his loins
stirring once more. Adam’s hands roamed
his back and buttocks, anxiously seeking out every bit of sensation he could
derive from Jarrod. It wasn’t long
before they were both pressing against each other needing more contact for
their throbbing erections. Jarrod
suddenly rolled off and asked in a husky voice, “Roll on your side.”
Frowning,
Adam only relented when Jarrod pleaded, “Please...trust me.” Spooning behind
Adam, Jarrod grabbed his own length in his hand and guided it between Adam’s
cheeks and thighs. Adam startled and
tried to pull away, fearful of Jarrod’s intentions. He knew that eventually
they might try for penetration, but he was not ready for it just yet. It was all too new and he wasn’t all too sure
how to go about it anyway. Grasping his
shoulder, Jarrod gently pulled him back into his chest, “Just relax. I’m not
going to do anything else.”
Jarrod
had the same reservations as Adam, and declined for the same reasons. He wanted Adam and the thought of being
buried deep inside him was a powerful need, but like Adam, he lacked the
experience and was terrified of having to return the favor.
Adam
slipped back into Jarrod’s embrace and tried to relax. Jarrod’s hand dropped to his now softening
flesh and Adam closed his eyes as he was stroked back to fullness. With infinite slowness Jarrod brought him to
the edge and then backed off, maintaining a slow rocking motion between Adam’s
legs. He continued to tease Adam, until
he had him begging for more, “Faster!”
The
faster Jarrod stroked Adam the faster his thrusts became and Adam was quickly
losing control, “I can feel...your balls...hitting my...legs...God, Jarrod!
Harder!!!”
With
each forward thrust, Adam could feel Jarrod’s length hitting his own sac and it
sent fire into his pulsing shaft. Their
sweat soaked bodies slid against each other and Adam reached out for Jarrod’s
backside aching for more as he tried to pull him closer. Jarrod suddenly let go of Adam’s hardness and
grabbed his hip for better leverage. Adam grasped his own aching need and
pumped into his hand as Jarrod pounded against him with harder and faster
thrusts.
The
sensations were overpowering for Jarrod and he cried out to Adam,
“Hurry....won’t last!”
Adam
pumped himself harder and faster to match Jarrod’s motions when he felt the
telltale burn at the base of his shaft.
As his balls tightened and pulled up sharply, Jarrod’s shaft slammed
into him over and over until he fell off the edge and plummeted into a mind
shattering orgasm. His tightening
muscles gripped Jarrod and they both erupted in a simultaneous explosion of
pure ecstasy.
Jarrod’s
fingers gripped Adam’s hip tightly and with each convulsive thrust he spurted
his seed between Adam’s legs. Adam was
covered in his own stickiness as he shuddered in Jarrod’s embrace. Only when
they had no more to give did they collapse in a sated heap. Jarrod tried to speak, but was caught in an
aftershock and his hips bucked into Adam, causing him to moan at the overpowering
sensation. Slipping his now soft flesh from between Adam’s legs, Jarrod
muttered weakly, “Sorry.”
As
Jarrod tried to pull away, Adam grabbed his backside and held him in
place. Jarrod settled closer, holding
Adam to his chest and burying his head in the crook of his neck asked softly,
“How can something so wrong, feel so damn good?”
Rolling
towards Jarrod, Adam lifted up on his elbows as Jarrod moved to lie on his
back. Adam looked down at him and asked
warily, “Do you feel like it’s wrong?”
Jarrod
put his hands behind his head and sighed, “I know it’s wrong to feel about you
like I do, but I’m too far in to go back now.
I shudder to think what others might call it.” Turning his body around, Adam used Jarrod’s
stomach as a pillow. Jarrod smiled at
Adam’s relaxed mood and played with his dark curls. “You don’t seem all that
concerned.”
“No...I
don’t suppose I am. I’ve wanted this for
so long it almost doesn’t seem real.
Tomorrow I’ll be leaving...then I’ll have to live with what I’ve done.”
“What
you’ve done? I was here too. I think we both made a conscious decision to do
this.”
“Maybe
if I hadn’t forced the issue, you wouldn’t have to deal with the fallout.”
Nudging
Adam off his chest, Jarrod sat up. “If you think that this is over just because
you are going home, you might want to listen to what I have to say first. I’ve been thinking about more than just a few
days together. You opened up something in
me that I tried burying ten years ago. I
can’t put it back now.”
Adam
stood up and gathering his clothes, began getting dressed. “What do you
propose? We can’t exactly have any type of relationship. Be realistic, Jarrod. What we are doing is wrong, whether we admit
it or not. Besides, you live in here and
I live in
Getting
dressed, Jarrod thought out loud, “How many trips do you make to
“Maybe
a dozen or so, it depends on what our business is.” Adam looked at him
suspiciously, “What are you getting at?
I can’t very well show up here every time I come this way. We will eventually get caught.”
Jarrod
grinned at him slyly, “Maybe. I was
thinking more along the lines of meeting you in
Adam
flashed him his famous dimpled grin, “Hmmmm. And your brothers fail to see the advantage
of being a lawyer over being a rancher.
I’m thinking I might just have to come up with some more business in
As
they mounted Jarrod asked, “You think your father will fall for it?”
“Oh
I have a certain young lawyer in my pocket now.
I’m sure he can throw some business my way.”
Jarrod
laughed and they headed back down the hill towards the ranch, content that they
had worked out at least one of the obstacles they faced.
They
headed towards home and were sidetracked by Adam insisting on doing a little
work to appease Jarrod’s brothers. On
their way through the south meadow, Adam spied the wagon loaded with fence
posts and after some cajoling, talked Jarrod into working several hours
replacing rotted posts.
Jarrod
was tired, but content to work beside Adam.
It was different than working with his brothers, who constantly made
jabs about not working for a living. He
and Adam worked in companionable silence, making quick work of the
repairs. Finishing up, they leaned against
the wagon, quenching their thirst and admiring their work.
Wiping
the sweat from his brow, Adam handed the canteen to Jarrod, “Well the fence
posts are in, but they’re going to have to replace that wire.”
Standing
beside Jarrod, Adam’s shirt flapped open exposing his hot skin to the cool
breeze. Leaning his head back, he opened
his shirt and sighed at the coolness.
Jarrod’s own shirt hung open, but he forgot how hot it was as he watched
Adam. Turning to face Adam, Jarrod
reached out his hand and caressed the dark hair on his chest. Adam looked down at his hand then grabbing it
in his own, pulled Jarrod until he was leaning into his chest. Snaking an arm around him, Adam pulled him
closer and kissed him. The need for air
finally made him stop and he looked at Jarrod. “I don’t recall fencing ever
being this much fun.”
Jarrod
ground himself into Adam, muttering, “Me either. The rewards are certainly
worth the work.” Their eyes met and
Jarrod leaned in, kissing the corners of Adam’s mouth as he asked, “Let me
touch you.”
Already
his hand slipped between them and into the waistband of Adam’s pants. Adam inhaled sharply, giving Jarrod just the
room he needed to get to his stiffening shaft.
Shifting to the left, Jarrod reached deeper and grasping Adam’s shaft in
his hand, began stroking him.
Feeling
Jarrod’s arousal pressed against his hip, Adam reached a hand into Jarrod’s
pants and matched him stroke for stroke.
As their passion grew, their mouths joined and they fought a battle of
tongues, enjoying the taste of one another.
They fed off each other’s passion, their strokes fast and frantic as
they neared release, until they finally came together in a jarring, pulsing
climax. Adam let go a harsh groan of
satisfaction as he spewed his seed in Jarrod’s hand.
Jarrod
thrust into Adam’s hand, let go a loud sigh and filled
his pants with his release. They clung
to each other for support until they could catch their breaths. Finally moving
apart, they cleaned themselves up, but stopped for an occasional kiss or
two. Just as they got ready to leave
they noticed Nick coming across the pasture from the rise behind them.
His
horse barely even stopped when Nick vaulted from his saddle and stood toe to
toe with Adam, his eyes filled with rage.
“I want you off this ranch!”
Shock
and surprise at Nick’s behavior spurred Jarrod into action. Storming towards Nick, Jarrod grabbed him and
jerked him away from Adam, “What the devil has gotten into you?”
Nick
yanked himself from Jarrod’s grasp and angrily pushed him away. Jarrod lay on the ground where he’d fallen,
looking up at Nick in disbelief as he stalked over and pointed a finger at him. His face was red with a fury Jarrod was all
too familiar with and he flinched when Nick growled at him, “I want you gone
too!!” Nick wagged his finger between
Jarrod and Adam, “Both of you. Get the hell out of my sight.”
Leaping
to his feet, Jarrod’s normal control over his temper was fading, “Damn it,
Nick! What are you talking about?!”
Planting
his hands on his hips, Nick glared at Jarrod, “I saw you. Saw you....oh hell I
don’t even know what to call what I saw!”
Jarrod
went ghost white at Nick’s words and cast a quick sideways glance at Adam who
didn’t look any better. Nick saw the exchange and it only increased his rage.
He shouted at his older brother, “I don’t ever want to lay eyes on you again,
Jarrod. As far as I’m concerned you are
no longer any brother of mine, cause no brother of mine would do what I saw you
doin’.”
Recovering
from the shock of Nick’s accusation, Jarrod tried to explain, “Nick, listen to
me. I can ex...”
Nick
didn’t want an explanation and he landed a blinding punch in Jarrod’s face.
“Get the hell away from me!”
Stumbling
back, Jarrod landed in the fence off balance and hitting the wire, felt it give
from the fence post. He tried to right
himself but there was too much slack in the wire holding him up and balancing
on his heels, he could get no leverage.
Seeing
Jarrod get hit sparked fire in Adam and he launched himself headfirst into
Nick’s stomach, sending them both to the ground. In a battle of strength, the two men traded
blows as they rolled on the ground, both of them oblivious to Jarrod’s struggle
to stand. Just as Jarrod started to get
his feet under him, his eyes widened in fear when he felt the wire supporting
him snap, sending him to the ground. He
tried to stand but the released wire whipped back, twisting around him with
every move he made. The more he
struggled, the more entangled he became and it wrapped around his legs and body
tightly. His balance compromised, he flopped to the ground and the wire
continued to ensnare him until the tension played out. In Jarrod’s mind the fight with the wire
seemed to go on forever. In actuality it
had only taken a matter of seconds to firmly encase him in its barbed
teeth.
It
wasn’t Jarrod’s scream that filled the air but Adam’s, “JARROD!!!” Jarrod could barely see from his position,
but Nick was laying flat on his back and Adam was scrambling to get to him.
Reaching
Jarrod’s side, Adam tried to pull the wire from Jarrod’s trembling body,
oblivious to his own pain as the sharp barbs ripped at the soft flesh of his
palms. Jarrod lay unable to even move, his eyes clouded over as he shook with
agony. His whole body was dappled with
blood wherever a barb had torn or punctured the skin. In several places his
clothes were torn where the wire had sliced into him as it had wrapped around
him. Jarrod’s ragged voice pleaded with Adam, “Get...it...off!”
Adam
tried to calm himself and get a better look at the situation. He bent closer to Jarrod and spoke in a shaky
voice, “Hold on. I’m gonna
see if there are some wire cutters in the wagon.”
Rushing
to the wagon, Adam leaned over the back and opened the toolbox under the seat,
hoping whoever packed the wagon had thought to load them. As his hands fumbled for the wire cutters, he
realized they were bleeding and was startled by the fact that he’d been unaware
he’d even been hurt. He forgot about
them again when his hand found the cutters.
Racing
back to Jarrod, he slid to a stop on his knees and wasted no time cutting at
the wire. His blood covered hands soon
made the tool slippery and impossible to grip. Frustrated, he stopped only long
enough to rip the sleeve off his shirt and tearing it in two, wrapped a piece
around each hand before cutting again.
Jarrod’s
breathing was harsh and a moan or whimper escaped with each cut of the
wire. Tears,
sweat and blood mingled on his face and his eyes were clenched tight against
the pain. His body trembled in shock and
Adam raced to free him, fighting back his own tears. Freeing Jarrod of the last strand of wire,
Adam’s voice reflected his concern as reached out to help him, “Can you help me
get you out of this mess?”
Every
movement was painful as the wire, still imbedded in places, clung to him. Helping him sit up, Adam leaned Jarrod into
his shoulder as he picked wire off and flung it away. Jarrod held his arms in front of him, bent at
the elbow. Their uncontrollable shaking
was unnerving. He flinched every time Adam pulled a piece of wire away and only
when the last piece was gone did Jarrod grab Adam’s shirt in a tight fist. Adam could feel him trembling with pain and
the amount of blood that now covered his clothes had Adam worried, but there
was little he could do. There were
simply too many cuts and punctures to deal with and the quicker he got Jarrod
to the doctor the better.
With
the utmost care, Adam helped him lie down and had to physically pry Jarrod’s
hand from his shirt. “It’s alright now. I’m just gonna
get the horse.”
Jarrod
looked at him, his blue eyes wide with pain.
He didn’t even try to talk, just gave Adam a weak nod. Adam touched Jarrod’s cheek briefly, “Hold
on.”
Hurrying
toward the horses, he chose his own, thinking it looked to be the stronger of
the two animals and could carry both of them.
Grabbing the reins, he led the horse to Jarrod and hoped the animal wouldn’t
bolt at the smell of blood. The horse
snorted, but held his place and Adam sighed his relief
as he knelt down beside Jarrod. “You
think you can stand?”
Again,
the only response Adam got was a nod, but he took it as a good sign. At least
Jarrod was thinking clear enough to understand that this would be easier with
his cooperation. Adam gingerly pulled
Jarrod’s arm over his shoulder and helped him to his feet. Jarrod’s breathing was loud and labored as he
stood, and he almost buckled from dizziness and pain. Waiting until Jarrod found his feet, Adam maneuvered him to the horse. Adam moved Jarrod’s hands to the saddlehorn. “Hold on, don’t fall on me now.”
Jarrod
rested his forehead on the saddle as Adam reached down and lifted his foot into
the stirrup. The pain was overwhelming
and Jarrod started to lose what precious balance he had when he felt Adam
standing behind him, making sure he didn’t fall.
Adam
spoke to him softly, “You need a minute?”
Jarrod
nodded slowly, and whispered, “Hurts.”
Kissing
his cheek very carefully, Adam closed his eyes sympathetically, “I know. Let me
know when.”
Both
men knew that this was going to hurt no matter how careful they were and it
only took a few seconds for Jarrod to give his consent to get it over
with. Bending over, Adam grabbed
Jarrod’s ankle and spoke, “On three. One...two...three.”
When
Adam said three, he lifted Jarrod’s ankle up at the same time Jarrod sank his
weight into the stirrup and tried to pull himself up. They managed to get him in the saddle, but
Jarrod slumped heavily over the saddlehorn as he
cried out at the agony the effort had cost him.
His breathing was fast and shallow and one hand clenched and unclenched
against the pain as tears rolled down his cheeks. Jarrod’s other hand hung limply at his wrist
and Adam worried about the damage the wire might have caused.
Adam
took only a moment to make sure Jarrod wouldn’t slip off before mounting behind
him. He reached forward to pull Jarrod
back into his chest when a movement to his right caught his eye. Nick was
suddenly standing beside them with his hands on the reins. Adam glared down at the dark haired rancher.
“Let go!”
Nick
glowered back, “Get down! I don’t want you any where near him!” When Adam tried to yank on the reins to get
away, Nick reached out to pull him off the horse but Adam was prepared. As soon as Nick stepped in, Adam lifted his
foot and planting it in the middle of his chest, kicked out as hard as he
could. Nick went sailing to the ground
and his own injuries were jarred enough to take the wind out of him.
Adam
stared down at him with fire in his eyes, “You’re wasting precious time,
Barkley! Go get the doctor while I take him home.”
His
anger wasn’t pacified and Nick tried one more time to unseat Adam. This time he
was stopped dead in his tracks by Adam’s lightning reflexes. Nick’s eyes widened as he stared into the
barrel of Adam’s forty-five.
Reluctantly
Nick stepped back and let Adam go, but yelled at his retreating back, “Fine!
But this ain’t over, Cartwright!” Grabbing his hat off the ground, Nick
slapped his thigh with it and stomped to his horse. Mounting up, he headed for the doctor.
Everything
inside of Adam told him he needed to hurry, but Jarrod was barely holding on as
it was. Each moment seemed to pass like
an hour as Adam watched Jarrod’s clothes become more bloodstained. A lot of the
smaller wounds had stopped bleeding but he still had several cuts that kept
oozing blood and Adam berated himself for not stopping long enough to check how
serious Jarrod was wounded. At the time
it seemed imperative to get him help rather than waste time.
Jarrod
slumped heavily into Adam, relying on him to hold him in the saddle. The only sound he made was an occasional
groan of pain when the horse made an errant step. Each time he was jarred, Jarrod’s fingers dug
deeper into the flesh of Adam’s forearm where he held on with a death
grip.
Adam
was terrified for Jarrod. “We’re almost there. Another mile.”
Jarrod
barely nodded and Adam wanted to hold him tighter but his injuries held him
back, not wanting to cause him more pain.
They rode on in silence but for an occasional muttering of reassurance
from Adam. As they made the yard, Ciego took one look at Jarrod and hurried after the two as
Adam headed straight for the front steps of the white mansion. Ciego took the
reins and tied off the horse, while Adam spoke softly to Jarrod.
“You’re
home now, Jarrod. We’ll get you some help. Just hold on for me.”
Jarrod
groaned as Adam helped him lean forward over the saddlehorn
then dismounted from behind. He felt
himself slipping sideways, but was caught by the strong arms of his friend that
held him until he could get his feet under him.
He tried to stay upright, but the loss of blood was making him dizzy and
weak and his knees buckled despite his best efforts. Adam wrapped his arm across his shoulders and
Ciego stepped in to do the same and they managed to
get him up the steps and through the front door.
Silas
walked into the foyer intent on greeting whoever had come home and was stopped
short by the bloody mess Jarrod was in. He didn’t even hesitate as he looked up
the stairs and hollered, “Mrs. Barkley! Mr. Jarrod been
hurt!”
Turning
back to the trio at the door, he motioned up the stairs, “This way. He be needin’ a doctor.”
Adam
spoke his first words since entering the house, and they had a tinge of
animosity in them. “Nick went to town for the doctor.” He added as a thought to himself, I hope.
Raising
his head weakly to acknowledge his mother, Jarrod couldn’t find the strength to
give her a reassuring smile. He was in
far too much pain and she could see the agony in his blue depths. Adam answered
her question with as little information as was necessary, “He got caught in the
fence wire. Nick’s gone for the doctor.”
Silas
nodded and went back down the stairs.
Victoria
and Adam worked in silence, neither comfortable with the other to really voice
their concerns or thoughts and normal pleasantries didn’t seem appropriate
considering the circumstances. Jarrod
leaned into Adam and let his mother help him with his clothes, too weary to
even be embarrassed by his nakedness.
Adam
was relieved to see that once the bloody clothes were removed the damage didn’t
seem near as overwhelming. He was cut in
several places, some deeper than others and puncture wounds were scattered all
over his body. With the blood covered clothes gone, the damage no longer seemed
life threatening. Most of the wounds had
stopped bleeding except for the deep cut across Jarrod’s left hand, one on his
chest and another high on his back.
Jarrod
couldn’t stop from crying out when his mother wrapped his hand to stem the
flow. His pain cut through her and she
quickly apologized, “I’m sorry, son. We
need to stop the bleeding.”
She
tried to be careful as she placed another on his back and applied
pressure. Breathing through gritted
teeth, Jarrod gripped Adam’s shirt tightly and tensed in the arms that held
him. There was so much that Adam wanted
to say, but with Victoria in the room there was little he could do to comfort
Jarrod other than hold him while his mother cleaned him up. It took quite some time to clean away the
blood and dirt, and they were just finishing when Nick appeared with the
doctor. One searing look at Adam and
Nick turned sharply from the room, leaving the care of his brother to the
doctor and his mother.
Nick
was entering the study for a much needed drink when Heath rushed into the house
out of breath, his face fearful. “Nick!
I heard Jarrod was hurt!”
“He’s
upstairs with the doctor,” said Nick sourly.
Heath was caught off guard by Nick’s callous attitude regarding Jarrod.
“Is
he gonna be alright? What happened?”
Ignoring
Heath’s questions, Nick stomped into the study and headed straight for the
liquor, too angry to even speak at the moment.
Heath was right behind him and watched Nick pour a drink then gulp it
down. Concerned for Jarrod and
frustrated with Nick’s silence, Heath asked tersely, “How’s Jarrod?”
Nick
stopped at the fireplace and stared into the empty hearth, his fingers grasping
the mantle in a white knuckled grip. His arms shaking with uncontained rage, he
retorted angrily, “He got caught in the fence, tore him up some.”
“How’d
he get hurt? I thought him and Adam were out ridin’.”
“That
wasn’t all they were doin’,” scoffed Nick.
Heath
was growing irritable and snapped at his brother, “What has got you so riled?
Jarrod is upstairs with the doctor and you act like you could care less.”
Nick
glared at Heath, “Right now I don’t really know if I do.”
His
words caught Heath off guard and shock graced his face as he emphasized his own
words, “Just what are you saying, Nick?”
“I’m
saying I don’t know what to feel right now. I caught him and
Adam...um...uh...aw hell. I caught him and Adam kissin’
and touchin’ each other.” Nick couldn’t stop the
involuntary shudder of disgust that went through him and Heath looked at him
with wide eyes, totally disbelieving what he was hearing.
His
guts twisting in knots, Heath shook his head adamantly, “Yer
wrong, Nick! Jarrod ain’t like that. You saw wrong.”
He was trying to convince himself as much as he was Nick, fear ripping through
him at the thought of his own brother being one of ‘them’. His mind drifted back to Carterson
and the old fears resurfaced, and he had to shake away the haunting
images. He was snapped from his thoughts
by Nick’s strangled cry, “Mother!”
Heath
turned towards the doorway to see their mother with her hand over her gaping
mouth, looking very peaked. Nick rushed to her side, suddenly worried she might
collapse.
Before
Adam showed up there was no indication of such behavior. Of course, that was it! He was the reason her son had been tempted to
partake in such a despicable act. All
she had to do was get rid of him and they could talk
to Jarrod, make him see how terribly wrong it was to lie with another man. Surely he knew what people would do if
something like this ever got out. Even
the Barkley name wouldn’t save them from public opinion and retribution. The only way to avoid a situation was to
remove the temptation... one Adam Cartwright.
After he was gone, they’d get Jarrod help. Find the best doctors to cure
whatever it was that was causing this.
Determination replaced the shock that had earlier graced her features
and she started to rise.
Helping
her to her feet, Nick asked curiously, “What are you going to do, Mother?”
The
matriarch was visibly calmer and back in control as she said without doubt,
“I’m going to have a talk with Mr. Cartwright.”
Nick
shook his head, “He’s not gonna go without a fight.
He pulled a gun on me earlier when I tried to get Jarrod away from him.”
Heath,
who had been quietly looking on, voiced his own opinion, “I’ll go with you,
Mother.”
Nodding
her head,
Giving
her a quick nod, Nick strode out the door to find Silas and pass on his
mother’s instructions. He joined her and
Heath as they ascended the stairs.
The
doctor met them on the landing and relayed his prognosis, “Only a couple of the
cuts required stitches, but I’m worried about infection. He has several puncture wounds that were
difficult to clean. I’ve done what I can, we’ll just
have to wait it out now. I’m concerned
about his hand, but it’s too early to tell how bad it really is. I did what I could to fix the damage, only
time will tell. Clean the cuts a couple times a day. I’ve left some salve to
help with infection. Use it liberally and send for me if you need me.”
“It
was no problem,
“Thank
you again, Howard. We’ll be sure to pass on your instructions.” The trio watched Howard leave and with a
mutual sigh of resignation, they headed for Jarrod’s room.
Adam
sat with one knee on the bed, wiping Jarrod’s face with a damp rag. Jarrod
struggled against the drowsiness of blood loss and pain medication, and Adam
tried to calm him. “Shhh...You need to rest.”
Adam
held Jarrod’s hand lightly in his own bandaged hands. He’d forgotten they were
even hurt until the doctor insisted on looking at them. Only then did he really look at the damage the
wire had done. His father would be upset
when he found out he wouldn’t be doing any work for a couple weeks. His thoughts were interrupted by the loud
growl at his back, “Get your hands off him.”
Adam
gently set Jarrod’s hand on the bed before releasing it then turned cautiously
towards the door. All three Barkley’s
wore hard expressions and Adam dropped his head, realizing they knew the truth. Standing up, he glanced back at Jarrod, who
was trying to sit up and was stopped short when he tried to help.
“I
said, get your hands off him,” snapped Nick. Heath stood at his brother’s side,
his own hateful expression boring holes in Adam. Ignoring Nick’s threatening
words, Adam helped Jarrod lie down before turning his attention to the group at
the door.
Shaking
his head, Adam refused the matriarch, “Don’t bother, Mrs. Barkley. You’ve all made your point perfectly clear.
If you’ll give me a minute alone with Jarrod, I’ll leave peaceably.”
Nodding
her agreement,
Adam
refused to back down, “I just want to speak with Jarrod before I leave.”
Nick
shook his head, “I’ll give you a minute, but it won’t be alone.” There was no
mistaking his emphasis on alone.
With
no other options, Adam nodded and tried to ignore their presence in the
room. Setting a knee on the bed, Adam
gently clasped Jarrod’s arms and lowered him to the bed. There was no resistance, and Adam could see
the tired resignation in his eyes. He
was too tired and too sore to argue and his eyes shone with the sadness of
Adam’s departure. With his back to Nick and Heath, Adam shielded his actions
from them. His hand lifted and using the
back of his knuckles, lightly caressed Jarrod’s cheek and spoke very low and
soft, “I’ll write to you. See how you’re doing.”
Jarrod
nodded, but he wasn’t really hearing the words. He was trying to memorize the
face that loomed above him, suddenly very afraid he would never see it again.
“Please. Don’t go!”
“I
have to, Jarrod. It’s your home, not
mine. We knew this could happen. Maybe I’ll see you again someday.”
Grabbing
Adam off the bed, Nick growled, “Like hell you will.”
Heath’s
anger erupted and Adam felt the powerful blow to his stomach. Doubled over and
trying to get air to his lungs, Adam felt himself being manhandled by Jarrod’s
brothers.
“NO!!!! Leave him be!” yelled Jarrod. His words were ignored as his brother’s grabbed
Adam on either side and literally dragged him from the room. Jarrod bolted up in bed and moved to the
edge, swinging his legs over the side.
Every movement was agony, but he pushed it aside, his fear for Adam
greater than his own pain. He stood up
gingerly but his world spun dangerously around him. His knees gave out and he
crashed to the floor unconscious.
Adam
was thrown in the buckboard after several more blows to his body and a stern
warning, ‘Don’t come back’.
Ciego
never said a word, but wondered curiously what the tall, dark stranger could
have done to deserve such a rude farewell.
Nick gave him parting instructions, “Be sure he’s on the train before
you leave.”
“Si, Senor. I will see to it.”
Nick
stepped back and joined Heath as they watched the wagon pull out. He’d never seen Heath react so strongly to
something, but news of Jarrod’s sexual preference had lit a match under his
little brother. Sure Nick was angry and
confused, but Heath was downright hostile about it. Heath had managed to strike Adam several
times on the way from Jarrod’s room and there was no pulling of his
punches. They were well placed and meant
to hurt. Nick was glad when they reached
the wagon, afraid that Heath would kill Adam if he’d had much more time. He looked at Heath now and could still see
the fury in the young man’s eyes. “You wanna tell me
what that was all about?”
Heath
shook his head, and turned towards the house. “No!”
Grabbing
Heath by the shoulder, Nick spun him around. “What do you mean… no? I ain’t never
seen you take after a man like that. Somethin’ got in
yer craw.”
His
fists clenched tight to hold in his anger, Heath tried to stay calm. “I been around his kind. They take what they want with no
regard for the one they’re takin’ it from. You can’t trust ‘em.”
Looking
confused, Nick asked, “What do you mean his kind?”
Heath
dropped his voice, so only Nick could hear, “Them that like men. Seen ‘em in prison. They’re sick.
They want one thing and one thing only, and they’ll take it if they have too.”
Nick’s
eyes grew wide at the dawning revelation. He gestured towards his brother and
asked worriedly, “Did they...you know...with you?”
“NO!
Oh they wanted to, but I had me some friends that saw to it I wasn’t bothered.”
His eyes took on a vacant look as his past rushed forward, and his voice
saddened, “I can still hear the screams.”
Shaking himself from his reverie, Heath spoke bitterly, “Cartwright got
everything he deserved. Men like him don’t deserve ta
live.”
Shocked
by Heath’s vehemence, Nick wondered out loud, “And Jarrod? What about Jarrod?”
Heath
never even hesitated with his answer, “He ain’t no better.”
Whatever
Heath was feeling, Nick knew that Jarrod would never again share the bond of brotherhood
with Heath. That bond had been broken and there would be no turning back. Jarrod had lost a brother today and Nick
wasn’t all too sure he hadn’t lost two. His own feelings weren’t much better
than Heath’s. The thought of Jarrod
being with another man made his skin crawl and his stomach turn. It was so unbelievable that at least for now
he could push it out of his mind. He was afraid that his own relationship with
his older brother was irreparably damaged.
With
a heavy heart he followed Heath back into the house and trudged his way
upstairs alone. Turning into Jarrod’s
room, he found Silas trying to help him back into bed. Nick rushed forward and the two of them managed
to get him settled once more. They checked to make sure no wounds were reopened
in the fall. War raged in Nick as he
fought with his mind. He didn’t want to
see Jarrod hurting but he didn’t feel all too thrilled to be in the same room
with him either. His mother was nowhere
to be seen and Heath certainly wouldn’t be tending to any of Jarrod’s
needs. Resigned to caring for his
brother, Nick settled on the chair farthest from the bed and watched Jarrod
sleep.
Adam
barely made it onto the train, and only because Ciego
helped him the entire way. His hands were useless to him and his body was
bruised and battered from Heath’s fists.
Every breath was agony and he gratefully took an empty seat, easing
himself down with a groan of pain. It
was impossible to draw a deep breath and Adam was certain his ribs were
broke. He needed to get out of his
clothes, still covered in Jarrod’s blood, but couldn’t find the energy to
move. Sleep eluded him on the four-hour
ride to
Something as simple as carrying his own bag was
made almost impossible by his injured hands, damaged ribs and aching stomach. Sweat
soaked clothes cooled in the night air and he shivered as he stepped gingerly
from the train. Pain was a constant
companion now and even the bench outside the station was more appealing than
riding on the train for one more minute. With a heavy sigh that only brought
more pain, Adam wrapped his free hand around his ribs and found a ride to a
hotel. An hour later he sank into bed
totally exhausted and only a small dose of laudanum snagged from the hotel
clerk took the pain away long enough to let him sleep.
Tossing
and turning in a drug induced sleep, Adam was haunted by images of Jarrod
trapped in the wire and the endless ride home.
Although he was sure that sleep was fleeting, it was well past noon the
following day before he was roused from that sleep by the pounding on his door.
“Hey mister, you in there?”
Rolling
over, Adam was assaulted by the stabbing pain in his ribs and he gasped for air
only to be stopped short of deep breaths by more pain. Sweat gathered on his brow as he fought for
oxygen and only by concentrating did he keep from panicking.
Very
carefully he slid to the edge of the bed and eased himself up. It was painful ordeal just getting to his
feet and shuffling to the door seemed to take forever. Leaning heavily into the
wall he cautiously unlocked the door and found himself looking down on a boy no
more than ten or eleven.
Towheaded
and wide eyed, the youngster asked, “My pa sent me up ta
check on ya. Said you wasn’t
lookin’ too good last night. He wanted ta know if ya needed a doctor.”
Adam’s
first thought was to refuse the offer but he knew there would be no traveling
today if he didn’t at least get his ribs bound.
His hands also needed attention and his quick departure from
The
boy nodded, anxious to help, “Sure, mister.
I’ll tell my pa you want one and he’ll have someone fix ya up. It’s downstairs off the kitchen.”
Looking
at the youngster, Adam forced a smile at his youthful exuberance, “What’s your
name, boy?”
“Matthew.
You can call me Matt, most folks do.”
Motioning
inside the room, Adam beckoned the boy for help, “Over there is my bag. You
think you can grab me some clean clothes and carry ‘em
downstairs for me.” His hands, aching and swollen, were useless today, even
worse than yesterday. He’d avoided
thinking about yesterday up ‘til now and he let his mind drift to the wonderful
time he and Jarrod had shared. Sadness
welled up at what would never be and it must have shown on his face.
“Hey, mister, you alright?”
Blinking
away the cobwebs, Adam nodded at Matt. “Yeah. Why
don’t you tell your Pa I’d like a bath and see if he can call on the doctor for
me.”
The
boy nodded, picked up the clothes he’d gathered for
Adam and hurried to find his father. Adam made his way ever so slowly after
him. It was two hours before he was back
in his room, his hands cleaned and rebandaged and his
ribs bound tightly to prevent any further damage. The doctor confirmed three broken ribs and a
multitude of bruises and as much as Adam wanted to just get home, there was no
way he was traveling today. Maybe with
the added rest, he’d be able to make the remainder of the journey
tomorrow. Throwing his arm over his eyes,
he blocked out the midday sun, but couldn’t block out the memories of Jarrod
and sleep was a long time coming.
~*~
Jarrod
lay in bed, burning with fever. As his body shook with chills he wondered
distantly why no one cared about his discomfort. Eyes glazed with pain, he looked about his
room and found Nick stretched out in the chair across the room asleep. He tried to call out, but his throat was too
dry and the only sound he could make was a raspy croak. Thirst and the need to quell the fire forced
him to sit up. His hand trembled as he
reached for the water at his bedside and it slipped from his grasp. The sudden
crash startled Nick from his sleep.
Seeing
Jarrod sitting up, brought Nick rushing to the
bedside. As he glanced down at his brother,
Nick could see the flush of fever on his face and he tentatively reached out to
check his forehead. Jarrod met Nick’s
eyes and spoke in a strangled whisper, “Hot.”
“I
know. You got a fever goin’ there.” Nick retrieved
the glass and refilled it before handing it to Jarrod. He watched as he drank greedily of the cool
water then slump back onto the bed, shivering uncontrollably. Covering him up,
Nick stood. “I’m gonna go get Mother. I’ll be right
back.”
Jarrod
lay in bed in a daze of pain and fever.
His mind drifted between reality and delirium and forgetting that Nick
had even been there, he wondered why no one was helping him. Did they really hate him so much that they couldn’t
see clear to take care of him? In
desperation he called out for the one he knew wouldn’t leave him, “Adam?”
Silence
was the only response and he opened his eyes, looking around for some sort of
help. Someone to take away the heat that threatened to consume him. Finding the room empty, he shook his head in
confusion. Nothing in his fever addled mind made any sense and he reached for
the glass of water to quench his thirst, furious that they didn’t care enough
to even see to his most basic needs.
For
several minutes his thoughts shifted back and forth, confusing and frustrating
him. Exhausted by the effort, he slumped
back on the bed, completely forgetting even his own thirst. His fever raged on and he curled up against
the increasing pain, wondering why his family had abandoned him when he needed
them most.
Nick
returned with their mother and it was obvious by her red and puffy eyes that
sleep had not found her this night. One
look at Jarrod and her mothering instinct took over, caring for him reflexively
without much thought for anything else.
She wiped down his hot dry skin, seemingly oblivious to the pain her
actions were causing. Covered with so
many punctures, scrapes and cuts it was impossible not to cause him pain and
yet Victoria worked at cooling him, so lost in her own world she failed to
notice Jarrod’s increasing distress.
Nick couldn’t believe what he was seeing and he shook his head at the
disturbing sight. Unable to watch any
longer he placed a firm hand on hers, stopping the unintentional agony for
Jarrod, “Mother. I think we should try
to get him to take some laudanum.”
Speaking
softly, not wanting to alarm her, Nick answered, “You’re hurting him, Mother.
He needs something for the pain.”
Shaken from her thoughts,
Nick
sighed in relief, glad she had returned to herself. Taking over, he grabbed the laudanum and
handed it to her. “Here, Mother. I’ll set him up so you can get some into him.”
Nodding,
Jarrod
drank it all and let them help him back down.
He cried out when his body touched the bed but the laudanum was taking
hold and he soon found himself drifting once more, the pain easing away with
every minute. All that remained was the unrelenting heat, but that too was made
tolerable by the cool dampness that followed.
Content that he wasn’t being left alone, he let the darkness come and
comfort him.
Adam
made it to
Flashing
him a halfhearted smile, Adam shook his head. “Took a little
beating this trip. You wanna get my bag.” He held up his bandaged hands and Hoss nodded, boarding the train to retrieve Adam’s bag
without question.
Adam
was suddenly very glad it was Hoss that met him at
the station and not
Hoss
found Adam lounging on the nearest bench and ambled over to rouse him with a
gentle nudge to his shoulder, “Hey, Adam, ya ready?”
Opening
his eyes, Adam let Hoss help him to his feet and they
slowly made their way to the horses. One look at his ride and Adam began to
sweat. Hoss
saw his hesitation and knew his big brother was hurting awful bad not to want
to ride. Guiding him back on to the
boardwalk, Hoss helped him sit back down, “I didn’t
know ya was hurt. I’ll go
get us a wagon.”
Adam
shook his head wearily. “I ain’t gonna
make it home, Hoss.”
It was a hard admission, but Adam gripped his side tightly as he got
back to his feet and told his younger brother, “Just get me a room.”
“Sure thing, Adam. I’ll get ya settled and
go fer
“Might as well get the doc on your way outta town.
If you don’t, Pa will and I’d much rather deal with Paul before Pa gets here.”
“Yeah,
I can see where ya might. You wanna
tell me what happened?”
Holding
up his hands, Adam sighed, “Got caught in some fence wire.”
Hoss
shook his head, “And the rest of ya?”
“Sent
outta town on the rail,” joked Adam. It came off
flat, and he knew it. “I got waylaid and they didn’t seem too friendly so I
boarded the train and came home.”
Hoss
wasn’t the least bit convinced but he knew his brother well enough to know that
he’d get only what Adam was willing to tell and no amount of questioning would
change that. Maybe he’d be more
forthcoming when Pa got to him.
Shrugging it off, he grabbed his hat and headed for the door. “I’ll send
Doc over, you might as well get some rest.”
Adam
was already drifting off, the soft unmoving bed too much a temptation for his
tired and aching body. It wasn’t long before his sleep
was interrupted by a knock on his door. He fought to sit up as he called out,
“Come in.”
Paul
Martin, long time friend of the Cartwrights and town
doctor, was surprised to be making a call on Adam in town and he wondered just
how bad he was hurt if he couldn’t make the trip home.
“Heard you got in some trouble on your way home.” Making his way to the bed, he set his bag down and
asked, “Let’s take a look. You look a little flushed.”
Feeling
Adam’s forehead, his initial diagnosis was easily confirmed by the heat on the
back of his hand, “Well for starters you have a fever.” Looking at Adam’s
hands, he opened his bag and using his scissors, began to cut away the
bandages.
They
were red and swollen from infection. “How’d you cut them up like that?”
Adam
hissed through gritted teeth as Paul probed the area, “Barbed wire.”
The
doctor continued to work, asking questions as he went and Adam was relieved
when they finally finished up and he was allowed to rest again. His hands throbbed in time to his heartbeat
and he didn’t resist the painkiller Paul offered. It not only relieved the pain in his hands,
but also sent him drifting in a place free of the pain in his heart. He let the medicine do its job, never
hearing his father come in an hour later.
The
next few days, for both Jarrod and Adam, were spent drifting in and out of
consciousness. Fever raged within and neither one had the will to fight against
it. They lost themselves to the comfort
that darkness brought and only their family’s insistence and round the clock
care brought them back.
~*~
Jarrod
gazed down at the multitude of bandages that covered his body. After a week of
drifting in and out of sleep, he could finally see how badly he’d been torn
up. Most of his wounds were already
healing, but a few of the deeper cuts would take more time.
Doctor
Merar was deeply concerned about the lack of mobility
in a couple of his fingers. His left
hand had been cut deeply and the last two fingers were useless to him. Howard tried to be optimistic, but he
informed Jarrod that because of the extent of damage, there was a chance that
they may never regain mobility. Tired of the pitiful looks every time his
family entered the room, Jarrod insisted Howard keep this information between
them.
As
he lay in bed thinking, his mind drifted to Adam and despite the turmoil he was
dealing with, a small smile graced his lips.
If he closed his eyes, he could see his handsome face and dimpled
smile. He let the images of their short
time together ease away the tension and he welcomed the stirring in his groin
as the pictures in his mind grew in intensity.
Without thought his hand slipped into his cotton pajamas and stroked the
semi hard flesh to its full length. He let the memory of Adam’s hands guide him
until a sharp knock on his door startled him. Jerking away his hand, he shifted
to his side to hide his aroused state and tried to calm his ragged breath.
His
eyes darted anxiously to the door and any lingering hardness vanished when his
mother entered his room. Embarrassed, he
tried to feign sleep but she wasn’t fooled.
Setting his lunch tray on the nightstand,
His
eyes still closed, Jarrod spoke, “I’m sorry.”
“What?
Sorry you did it or sorry you got caught?” When Jarrod remained silent,
“Is
that what you’re worried about, someone finding out?” asked Jarrod very softly,
dreading her reply.
Shaking
her head,
“It’s
not just what they would do to you. What
you’ve done is morally wrong, Jarrod. I
thought I knew you, but this...this is totally unexpected. It goes against all
we believe in.”
“I’m
still the same person, Mother.”
Lifting
her head, she quickly hid her doubt and spoke with her usual authority, “We’ll
just have to get you some help is all.
I’m sure we can find a doctor that can cure this or maybe we can call on
the reverend to talk to you.”
“I
don’t need to talk to anyone,” said Jarrod defiantly.
“We
can’t have this go on. Even your father’s good name will not spare this family
if word gets out. We can’t risk losing all he worked for with this...this
sickness.”
Sitting
up, Jarrod kept his tone respectful, but his message was clear, “And how do you
propose to keep it secret and still have me see a
doctor or the reverend? This isn’t
something that suddenly appeared out of nowhere, Mother.”
Jarrod
shook his head and sighed heavily, “It’s always been there, I just managed to
keep it hidden, even from myself.”
“Fine,
then you’ll just have to hide it again. We won’t speak of it.” With no other words, his mother turned and
left his room, anxious to avoid any further discussion on the matter.
~*~
Hoss
cautiously looked in the barn door to see if Adam was still in the
vicinity. His older brother had been
almost impossible to live with since his return home but enough was
enough. The first week wasn’t bad, he
was too sick to do much interacting with any of them. Now that he was up and
moving around, albeit slowly, he was moody, sullen and cantankerous. Whatever happened on his trip to
Not
able to write, he couldn’t even do the books.
Adam looked up from his spot in the corner of the barn when Hoss stuck his head in the door and was tempted to duck out
of sight.
Taking
a deep breath, he let out a loud sigh, “I’m over here, Hoss.” Avoiding him wouldn’t deter Hoss once he set his mind on something so it was better
just to get it over with.
Ambling
over to where Adam sat on the stack of bails, Hoss
picked up a brush and worked on Chubb as he spoke to his older brother, “You wanna talk about it.”
“I
can’t, Hoss.”
“Don’t
seem to be helpin’ not talkin’
‘bout it.”
Adam
smiled. Too many people missed his
younger brother’s intelligence because of his size, but he seldom mixed words
when the simple approach worked. “I appreciate
your concern, Hoss, but this isn’t something I can
talk about.”
“Well
mopin’ and fussin’ ain’t gonna fix it either. Ain’t there nothin’ I can do for ya?” Hoss’ heart matched
his size and he just wanted to help his older brother.
Holding
up his hands, Adam said with frustration, “I need to be able to write and I
can’t.”
Hoss
flashed him a big smile, “Well heck, Adam, I can write for ya.
It might not be as purty as yours but you can still
read it.”
Adam
hesitated, not sure he could write what needed to be said and still keep his
secret. At this point any letter was better than no letter and he nodded
reluctantly, “Alright, Hoss. You go get some paper
and I’ll think about what I want to say.”
“I’ll
be right back.” Hoss hurried from the barn, happy
that he was finally able to do something to relieve some of Adam’s melancholy.
Jarrod
gingerly made his way down the stairs, doing his best not to wince as stitches
and scabs pulled against his skin or rubbed against his clothing. He’d stayed in his room, avoiding any
confrontation with the family but he’d grown restless with the same routine day
in and day out.
None
of them were comfortable around him and they began spending less and less time
checking in on him. Isolating himself
would resolve nothing and he ventured downstairs, stopping near the bottom when
Heath
came in the front door. He stood still,
using the time to catch his breath, suddenly wary when Heath’s eyes found
him. His brother was normally very good
at masking his feelings and Jarrod blanched at the open hostility in Heath’s
face. Heath strode to the foyer table
and dropping all but a single envelope, stormed towards where he stood on the
stairs. Pausing for only a second at
Jarrod’s side, he palmed the envelope and slapped it hard into Jarrod’s chest,
forcing him backward onto the steps.
Jarrod
barely heard his brother growl on his way past, “Yer
mail!”
Sitting
on the stairs with his knees drawn up, Jarrod’s chest screamed in agony where
Heath had smacked him. He clenched the
banister tightly as sweat beaded on his brow and waited for the pain to drop to
a manageable level. Heath’s malicious
blow had been intentional, meant to hurt him.
Wiping away the dampness on his face, Jarrod glanced down at his chest
and could see his shirt begin to stain with blood. One of the deeper cuts lay right where Heath
had struck him, and the force had popped at least one of the stitches. He watched as the stain grew in size, not
really seeing it. All he felt was the
pain of Heath’s animosity in his heart.
Although
Heath was only his half brother he never thought of him as any thing less than
a real brother and having him lash out with such anger cut Jarrod to the
core. Ever so slowly he got to his feet
and trudged up the stairs to his room, forgetting all about the letter Heath
had thrust into his hands.
Once
in his room, he dropped the now bloody envelope to his nightstand and eased
himself down on the bed. With his good hand, he undid the buttons of his shirt
to access the damage and found that two stitches had been torn free by Heath’s
brutal slap. An inch of the wound gaped open and blood oozed freely down his
chest. Removing his shirt, he held it to the cut and lay down, exhausted and
hurting. Thinking he should call for
some help, he wondered if he was even worth it and let himself drift off to
sleep.
“Jarrod! Wake up! You’re bleeding.”
Groggy,
Jarrod tried to sit up, but Nick held him down, “Whoa, stay put. Let me look at
it.”
Batting
his hand away, Jarrod tried to roll over, “It’s nothing.”
“Quit bein’ so stubborn. What did you do?”
Glaring
at his brother, Jarrod snapped, “I didn’t do anything, Heath did!”
Nick
frowned, “What the devil are you saying?” He lifted the bloody shirt and was
relieved to see that the wound was no longer bleeding. “That needs to be
stitched again. Why would Heath do this?”
“I
don’t know, he slapped a letter into my chest on his
way by.” Against Nick’s protests, Jarrod
sat up and reached for the letter he put aside earlier.
“Maybe
he didn’t mean to hurt you,” questioned Nick, seemingly unable to believe that
Heath would purposely hurt him.
Jarrod
held the letter in his hand and spoke in his own defense, “He hit me hard
enough to knock me down, Nick.”
Nick
was suddenly forgotten as Jarrod turned the envelope over in his hand and saw
the sender’s name. His heart raced, and
his hand trembled as he stared down at Adam’s name, only to have it jerked out
of his hand.
Nick’s
face flooded with anger as he tore the envelope in half and threw the pieces to
the floor, “You gotta stay away from him. If it
weren’t for him, none of this would of happened.”
Shocked
by Nick’s words, Jarrod watched the paper flutter to the floor. “Is that what
you think? That this is all his fault.”
Very
sure of himself, Nick spoke up, “I’ve known you all my life, Jarrod. You never woulda done something like that without somebody forcin’ ya to. What’d he have on ya?
Something from when you were in college, was that it?”
Standing
slowly, Jarrod reached down, picked up the two pieces of paper and put them in
his pocket for safekeeping. Moving to the water basin, he cleaned the blood off
his hands and chest, trying to compose himself against Nick’s barrage of
questions. He quietly answered his brother, “Adam didn’t do anything I didn’t
want him too. I’m as much to blame as he was.”
Nick
shook his head adamantly, “No....no...I know you like women. You were married to
Beth.”
“That
was a way to hide the truth, even from myself. I was 32 when I married her. Kinda old to be getting married for the first time, don’t
you think.
“So
you never found someone you wanted to spend your life with, so what. It don’t mean nothin’. Lots of men
wait that long.”
“I
was never satisfied with who I was with, even Beth. Oh I loved her, but not in
the way that I wanted to. By that time,
I was ready to settle for what I thought was the best it could get.”
Nick
was thunderstruck, “What are you gettin’ at?”
Jarrod
sat down heavily in the chair and held a towel on his wound to keep it from
bleeding again, “I’ve had a lot of time to think about all of it. Everything I
did was a way to keep from admitting that I was an abomination, an evil seed, a
black mark on this family.” Shaking his head in resignation, he sighed,
“Thought I’d managed to keep it locked away...until Adam showed up.”
“NO!!!!
There is no way you are ever gonna convince me that you...you...”
Nick couldn’t even say the word without shaking in anger.
Raising
his voice, Jarrod challenged, “What, Nick? Say it...that I want Adam.”
Striding
towards Jarrod, Nick looked him right in the eye and hollered, “NO! NO BROTHER
OF MINE WOULD EVER BE LIKE THAT!!!!”
Jarrod
met his gaze and tried to speak calmly, “That’s where you’re wrong, brother Nick.” Rising to his feet, Jarrod clamped onto
Nick’s arm with his good hand, “I’m sorry, but I’m tired of denying it doesn’t
exist. When Adam showed up here it
brought back everything I forced myself to forget all those years ago. I was tired of hiding it, pretending I didn’t
have feelings for him. One thing led to another. We never intended on getting
caught. If you hadn’t come along, no one
ever needed to know.”
Nick
jerked out of Jarrod’s grasp as if he’d been burned and snarled, “Don’t touch
me! I can’t believe you can stand there and act like there’s nothing wrong with
what you’ve done.”
His
temper flaring, Jarrod stood his ground, “I know it’s wrong, but I can’t help
the way I feel.”
Not
wanting to hear any more, Nick shoved Jarrod hard, pushing him away. “SHUT UP!
I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT!”
Jarrod
fell backward and landing hard, groaned loudly. In an instant Heath entered the
mix and holding Nick back, glared down at Jarrod and hissed, “Get out, Jarrod,
before I finish what Nick started.”
Nick
turned, and brushing his hair out of the way, defended Heath, “I want him off
this ranch. Either he goes or I go.”
“He’s
your brother, you can’t just send him away,” declared
Jarrod
saw it too and got to his feet. Swaying a bit, his chest bleeding again, he
grabbed a shirt and walked unsteadily to the door where his mother stood. “It’s
alright, Mother. I’ll leave.” With a quick kiss on her cheek, he turned back to
his brothers and said solemnly, “I’m the same man I was two weeks ago. If you
ever figure that out, you let me know. I won’t bother you any more.”
Grabbing
his arm as he tried to pass,
Jarrod
glanced down at the blood that trickled from the cut and shook his head, “I’ll
have the doctor look at when I get to town.” He looked her in the eye and even
though she tried to hide it, he could see her discomfort. Oh she still held a mother’s love, but he had
broken the boundaries and they would never share the same level of trust
again. His eyes reflected the loss he
felt and his voice was barely a whisper, “Goodbye, Mother.”
~*~
Three
hours later, he was headed for
Dear Jarrod,
I’m sorry for not
doing this sooner, but my hands have still not adequately healed to allow me to
write. As it is, my brother Hoss is writing this for
me. I want to apologize for all the problems I caused by looking you up after
all these years. I want you to know that I don’t regret seeing you again, only
that it ended as it did. I know how difficult things must be for you right now
and I wish more than anything that I could be there to help you through it
all. I’ll do my best to look you up on
my next trip to
Yours truly,
A
Jarrod read it through twice before the lulling motion of
the train and the events of the day began weighing heavily on his battered
body. For all the turmoil and heartbreak
he’d suffered at the hands of family, he found a welcome comfort in Adam’s
words. Of all the possible outcomes, it never occurred to him that his own
family would cast him out. All his life
he’d believed in the strong bond of family and that nothing was insurmountable
as long as he had their support. It was devastating to find out that there was
in fact something that even his family found unforgivable.
As
healing progressed, both men found solace in their work. Adam’s hands healed and he started out with
the lighter chores, too restless to stay on restriction. It didn’t take long and he was working from
dawn to dusk just to keep himself occupied and his
thoughts away from what he wanted most....Jarrod. He tried to be more sociable to the family,
not wishing to draw attention to his problem but they caught him daydreaming
more than once and it was obvious he had something on his mind. It was difficult not to think of Jarrod when
he had yet to get a response to his letter.
His
moodiness soon returned and Ben decided that it had gone on long enough. Waiting until Hoss
and Joe went to bed, he watched from his desk as Adam read by the fire.
Hearing
his name, Adam looked up and realized his father was speaking to him, “Did you
say something, Pa?”
Pipe
in hand, he gestured towards Adam. “I asked if you wanted to talk about
whatever it is that’s bothering you.”
“Nothing’s
bothering me,
Ben
sighed inwardly. His oldest could be the most stubborn of his sons when it came
to revealing his troubles, but he clearly had something on his mind. “Well, I
can’t make you talk about it, but I want you to know that I’m always ready to listen
if you change your mind.”
Adam
flashed him a dimpled grin. “I know,
Resigning
himself to no answers tonight, Ben rose and headed for the stairs, stopping
beside Adam’s chair for a moment.
Dropping his hand on his son’s shoulder, he said his goodnight, “Don’t
stay up too late, you’ve been working too hard to let yourself get run down.”
“I
won’t, I’ll just lock up and be up in a minute.”
Ben
nodded. “Goodnight, son.”
“Night,
Adam sat for almost another hour, thinking about
Jarrod and wondering how differently things might have turned out had they not
gotten caught. His days were spent
reliving that final day together and his stupidity in allowing them to get
caught. Having to leave when he did,
agonizing over how Jarrod was doing or what he thought about the whole
affair. Adam worried that Jarrod was
having second thoughts about it all and that is why he’d not sent a letter.
Scrubbing his hands through his hair, he mentally
shook himself from his doubts and decided that dwelling on it all the time
wasn’t going to change anything. If
Jarrod chose not to respond, there was little he could do and he’d just have to
accept that what he wanted most, just wasn’t meant to
be.
Hauling himself up to bed after locking up, he
stripped down and slid in to bed. Like most nights, he couldn’t stop from
thinking of Jarrod and how wonderful their short time together was. He remembered everything vividly, Jarrod’s
smell, the feel of his skin and especially his touch.
Shifting on the bed, he slipped his hand to his
aching hardness and stroked himself, imagining it was Jarrod’s hand and not his
own. He tried to hold off and enjoy the
sensations, but the images were sending him in a spiral towards release. His
hand worked faster and feeling the tingle begin, he grabbed the large sac
between his legs as it tightened and suddenly stiffened as his orgasm ripped
through him. Even without Jarrod, the
thought alone brought a mind-shattering climax.
Biting down hard to keep from crying out as ecstasy surged from his
pulsing shaft, Adam let it consume him.
For a few seconds every night, he was back with Jarrod and everything
was as it should be.
~*~
Jarrod’s world revolved around work and keeping
himself busy. When working late didn’t work, he
walked. He’d walk for hours until he was
exhausted and only then would he stumble home, hoping to fall into a dreamless
sleep. The dreams always started pleasantly with Adam, but then his anguished
mind would conjure up nightmares that always startled him awake, leaving him
trembling and gasping for air.
His
waking hours were no better as he tried to reconcile the loneliness he
felt. The long hours were taking their
toll, but Jarrod couldn’t even find enough enthusiasm to care. Depressed and lonely, he wandered aimlessly
from day to day doing what needed to be done and nothing more. The weeks went to months and his family stayed
away, the only letters he received were the occasional correspondence from his
mother. Dry and unemotional they left Jarrod more bereft than ever.
It
was late one night, near midnight when he rounded the corner and saw a lone
figure sitting on his steps. His heart stopped
for a brief second, but he gathered his courage and with a deep breath made his
approach.
“How
long have you been waiting?”
Caught
unaware by Jarrod’s lack of emotion, his guest stood hesitantly and stammered,
“I can go if you want me too.”
Jarrod
stepped around him, opened the door and gestured for him to come in. Walking past, Adam brushed against him in the
dark and was disheartened when Jarrod stepped away from the contact and
proceeded to light some lamps.
Adam
followed, but kept his distance, waiting for Jarrod to say something. Taking in
Jarrod’s appearance, Adam was shocked at the change. Gone were the added
pounds, tending now towards too lean.
His face bore a shadow of a beard that added to his ragged appearance
but that Adam found surprisingly appealing.
Shaking the thought away, he spoke up as Jarrod poured a drink and
silently handed him one, “You look terrible.”
Shrugging,
Jarrod turned towards the fireplace and stacked kindling for a fire. His movements seemed awkward, but the fire
was soon going and Adam puzzled over what was different about his friend. Jarrod’s indifference tore at Adam and his
guilt came to the forefront. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you.”
Sitting
down, Jarrod motioned for Adam to take a seat opposite. Leaning back, he
stretched his long legs out in front of him and rested his drink on the armrest
as he spoke with barely a whisper, “It wouldn’t have mattered.”
Adam
rested his elbows on his knees and looked Jarrod in the eye. “It mattered to me.
Why didn’t you return my letter?”
Shifting
in his seat, Jarrod leaned forward. “I didn’t know what to say.”
“You
could have told me how you were doing.”
“I
don’t know how I’m doing.”
“You
look like hell.”
“So
you said.”
Frustrated
that Jarrod wasn’t forthcoming with information, Adam stood, and spoke
dejectedly, “I’m sorry. Jarrod...for everything. I just needed to see you again. I’ll be
staying at the International for a few days if you change your mind and want to
talk.”
Hanging
his head, he shook it slowly and turned for the door, intent on leaving when
Jarrod’s voice stopped him, “Please, Adam, don’t go.”
Turning
sharply, Adam strode back into the room, “Then talk to me. Damn it, Jarrod, I want
to help you, but I can’t do anything if you won’t tell me what you’re
thinking.” Standing up, Jarrod headed for another drink, when Adam grabbed his
arm and stopped him. “Talk to me!”
Jarrod
looked down at the hand that held him, then up at Adam before pulling away, “My
whole world has gone to hell and there’s not a thing I can do about it. Is that
what you want to hear?” There was no anger, only despair and Adam stood
motionless, his heart pounding frantically, worried that Jarrod would say it
was over. That what they shared was a big mistake. He was expecting it but to
hear Jarrod say it had him sweating.
Pouring
his drink, Jarrod only sighed, “My family wants nothing to do with me. My mother thinks if I ignore it, it will go
away. Nick thinks that I’ve been swayed by you, and
Heath...well he looks at me like he wishes me dead. Thankfully Audra has been
away so I have no idea what they’ve told her.”
Adam
followed Jarrod to his seat and leaned against the mantle. Crossing his arms he
said remorsefully, “I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused. I should have
left it alone and stayed away.” Turning, Adam gripped the mantle and stared
into the fire, “I never considered the consequences. I never meant for you to
get hurt. Even when I stopped to see
you, I never planned on doing anything, I just wanted
to see you again. If I’d known that it
would cause you so much pain I would have stayed away. I’m sorry.”
“It
happened, it’s over.”
The
color drained from Adam’s face and he was glad his back was to Jarrod, “Over?”
In
a mere whisper, Jarrod replied, “I can’t do it, Adam. Everything about it is
wrong. I’ve lost my family over this. I’ve always had that through everything
and suddenly it’s all gone.”
Adam
could feel his heart beating loudly in his chest and he fought to calm his
breathing as he listened to Jarrod. He
wanted to take him in his arms and offer reassurances but he’d already done too
much and he stayed as he was.
Jarrod
continued as if he were thinking out loud, “I thought if I could forget about
you it would all go away. When I met you
in college, I was scared at how it made me feel just being around you. I wanted to be with you all the time and I
was both thrilled and terrified by it.
After you were gone, I didn’t know what to think...so I just tried to
forget how you made me feel.”
“And now?”
Jarrod
shook his head. “I’ve tried to forget and it won’t go away, but I don’t think I
can do this. The cost is too high.”
Closing
his eyes, Adam dropped his head to his chest and sighed, but couldn’t speak. He
was too stunned to say anything and was trying to concentrate on drawing air
into his lungs. As the silence
descended, Jarrod realized there’d been no response, “Adam?”
“Hmmm?”
answered Adam, shakily.
“Say
something.”
Dropping
his hands, Adam slumped into a nearby chair. “I can’t make you do this. I
suppose I knew there was a chance when I didn’t hear from you. It doesn’t make
it any easier. I can understand your reluctance after all you’ve been through. I was hoping for more.”
“I
can’t, Adam. I don’t want to lose my family or you. Can’t we just be
friends?”
Seeing
the despair on Jarrod’s face, Adam could see he needed something to hang on
to. Adam wanted more than a friendship,
but at least he could still be around Jarrod and at this point it was better
than nothing. Maybe if he could spend
time with him, he’d be able to work away at the wall he was hiding behind. A
warm smile graced his face as he nodded, “Yeah, I can do that. It’s better than
the alternative.”
Jarrod
leaned back and his face reflected his relief.
Adam watched him relax, and could see him start to drift off. “It’s
late. You look like you could use some sleep.”
Rubbing
his tired face, Jarrod nodded, “I haven’t been sleeping well. Maybe tonight
will be different.” Looking Adam in the
eye, he added softly, “I needed to talk to you.”
“That’s
what I’m here for.” Moving to Jarrod’s side, he held out a hand, “Let’s put you
to bed. You look like you could use some sleep.”
Hesitating,
Jarrod finally took Adam’s outstretched hand and let him pull him to his
feet. Jarrod reluctantly released Adam’s
hand as he stood, his emotions for more touch warring with him. He shuddered slightly and stuttered,
“Thanks. Look it’s late, why don’t you
stay in the guest room? I can lend you whatever you need.”
Adam
shrugged and tried to joke about the awkwardness of the situation, “I don’t
know if I trust myself.”
Jarrod
nudged him as they went upstairs. “I trust you or I wouldn’t have asked.”
Ignoring
the tightening in his groin, Adam shrugged, “I know. I can’t promise that I
won’t think of you as other than a friend but I’ll try not to make you
uncomfortable. It’s the best I can do,
Jarrod.”
Leading
Adam to his room, Jarrod fought against his desires and used all his courtroom
skills to deal with the situation, “The bathroom is down the hall, everything
you need should be there. I’ll grab you something to sleep in.”
Adam
waved him off. “Don’t bother. I don’t usually sleep in anything anyway.”
Jarrod
swallowed hard and turned away to hide his reaction to the thought of Adam
lying naked in bed. “If you need something just holler.”
“I’ll
see you in the morning. We’ll start with a good breakfast, fatten you up some.”
Smiling,
Jarrod bid him goodnight, “Night, Adam.”
“Night,
Jarrod.”
Going
to his own room, Jarrod had to admit that it was nice to have someone concerned
about his well being again. Seeing Adam
was hard, but the strain of no family to support him had worn him down and he
needed a friend. He wanted so much more
than friendship with Adam but too many things kept him from acting on it
despite his desires. Family weighed heavily on him and no matter how successful
or old he got, they would still be an important part of who he was. It would take more than a few months to
reconcile with the loss. Lying in bed
alone, he soon found some much needed sleep, but it was far from restful.
Adam
slept soundly until a cry in the night sent him rushing to Jarrod. Entering the room, he could see Jarrod
thrashing on the bed in the dim light of the lamp and hurried forward to wake
him from the obvious nightmare. Just a
touch to Jarrod’s shoulder was enough to rouse him from sleep and he sat
straight up in bed, panting and trembling from the horrors he’d been victim
to. It was all Adam could do not to
embrace him. Instead he knelt beside him and tried to talk him from the
terrors. “It’s just a dream. You’re
alright now.”
Jarrod
looked at Adam, and slowly nodded his head, “Sorry I woke you.”
“You
want to talk about it?”
Sliding
out of bed, Jarrod poured some water and downed it in a couple gulps. Wiping
away the sweat that gathered on his face, he tried to calm his breathing. “I’ve
been having dreams of being castrated.”
A
look of shook graced Adam’s face and he was speechless for a moment at Jarrod’s
admission, “I must admit that I’ve had one or two of my own.”
Jarrod
sat on the edge of the bed, and tried to joke, “No doubt, but it’s not your
brothers holding you down and coming at you with a knife.”
Adam
stared at Jarrod, his own face reflecting the horror of such a thought. Reaching out his hand to rest it on Jarrod’s
back he reluctantly pulled back, remembering his earlier promise. It was so
hard not to touch and comfort Jarrod, but he didn’t trust himself enough to
keep his hands still on the hard planes of his Jarrod’s back. Dressed in only pants, Jarrod’s smooth
expanse of skin was a tempting sight and Adam felt the stir of arousal. Fighting it back, he concentrated on
reassuring Jarrod, “Maybe all they need is some time to come to terms with it
all.”
Shaking his head, Jarrod leaned onto his elbows as he sat
at the side of the bed, “No. They’ve made up their mind about me. Nick can’t accept a brother that likes men,
and Heath acts as though I’m the devil himself.”
“Have
you tried talking to them, since you left?”
“I’ve
sent them both a letter, but they’ve ignored them.” Jarrod paused, rubbing his hands through his
hair. “I always thought I knew my family, that nothing
could come between us. I suppose this was too much.”
“I
don’t think any family would find it an easy truth to live with, Jarrod. It’s
not just yours.”
“And
your family, how would they react?”
“I’d
like to think it wouldn’t matter, but even I know better. Hoss might accept
it. Joe would...well, he’d probably act like Heath
does. My father...I’m afraid to even think how he would react.”
Jarrod
yawned loudly and said sadly, “I’m glad you never have to find out.” Stretching
out on the bed, he said tiredly, “I better get some sleep, if I’m gonna be worth a damn tomorrow.”
Adam
took Jarrod’s yawn as a sign to leave, but he asked worriedly, “Are you gonna be able to sleep?”
“I’m
fine. It usually only comes once a night. I’m sorry I woke you.”
“Don’t
be.” Adam resisted the urge to offer a comforting touch. Instead he got to his
feet to leave. Noticing that Jarrod was already drifting into sleep, he padded
quietly to the chair nearest the bed and sat down. Stretching out his legs he
watched Jarrod as he slept, keeping quiet guard over his friend until the
breaking of dawn. He drifted off several times, each time he was nagged awake
by something just on the edge of his consciousness. As the sky began to lighten he suddenly
jerked awake and his eyes darted to Jarrod’s hand. The curled fingers of one hand that poked out
from under the blankets confirmed his suspicions.
~*~
Jarrod
woke up and rolling over, found Adam slumped in the chair, his mouth open and
his neck at an odd angle as he snored softly.
Lifting up on one elbow, his eyes followed the length of Adam’s body,
stopping at his broad chest exposed beneath his open shirt. It would be so easy to reach over and run his
fingers through the coarse hair and find the soft patches of skin that
surrounded his nipples, to run his hand down his hard thighs. Jarrod closed his
eyes and tried to ignore the tightening in his groin.
He
couldn’t do this. He couldn’t have Adam. It was wrong to want someone the way
he wanted the man before him, and he had to get over it. His life was in shambles because of his
amoral ways, and yet he still fought the urges.
Nothing had ever felt this way before. Nothing pulled at him like this
did and nothing would ever be the same again.
No woman, not even Beth, had the power over him that Adam did. It was
like a fire that needed quenching and it burned constantly.
Disgusted
by his weakness, Jarrod sat up and reached out to gently nudge Adam awake,
“Adam, wake up. You’re going be sore sleeping that way.”
Adam
tried to move, but the stiffness made him cautious as he came awake. He
groaned, “Too late, I’m already sore.”
Getting
out of bed, Jarrod grabbed a robe to cover himself, self conscious of his
nakedness in Adam’s presence and pushed his curled fingers into the pocket to
hide them from sight. It had become a
habit he wasn’t even aware of. Grabbing
some fresh clothes, he spoke to Adam, “You didn’t have to stay with me.”
Leaning
over in the chair, Adam was twisting his neck and back to loosen the muscles as
he answered, “I know. I was just worried about you. You don’t look like you’ve
gotten much sleep lately...” he glanced sideways at Jarrod and added, “…or food
for that matter. When were you going to tell me about your hand?”
Jarrod
bristled at the unexpected remark and tried to bury his hand deeper into his
pocket, “I wasn’t.”
“Can
they do anything for you?”
“No.
It’s only going to get worse as the tendons tighten. My punishment I suppose.” Adam
could understand Jarrod’s bitterness, but to hear him accept his fate so easily
was unnerving. With his family ignoring
him and his hand damaged, Jarrod was paying the price for his sins. It was a
daily reminder of what could never be.
Jarrod
gave Adam a half-smile, trying to sound casual, “Well, I feel like eating this
morning so get dressed and we’ll go find something. I’m afraid there’s not much in the house so
we’ll have to go out.”
Adam
sighed, feeling the anger build at the injustice Jarrod had suffered since
they’d been caught. Taking a deep breath he changed the subject, knowing it
wasn’t time to argue Jarrod’s indifference. “What time do you have to be at
work?”
“Whenever I get there. I only have a couple of small cases I’m working
on. I’m sure you didn’t come to town on
a whim. I assume you have dealings as
well.”
“I
have a couple of meetings for some timber contracts, but the first one isn’t
until ten. It’ll probably take most of the day though. It’s the first of many most likely. They’re a
new buyer so Pa wants me to make sure they see the benefits of Ponderosa
timber.” Adam flashed him his trademark dimpled grin. “If things work out, I
should be making the trip to
Heading
out of the room, Jarrod joked half-heartedly, “Well you’ll always have a place
to stay if you don’t mind the company.”
Watching
Jarrod leave, Adam muttered sadly to himself, “I love
the company.”
Two
days later, Adam managed to finalize all the contracts early and he headed to
Jarrod’s office, hoping they might go to lunch together. Time had been limited to a few hours in the
evenings and he’d be leaving in the morning so he wanted to spend as much time
as possible with Jarrod.
Entering
the office, Adam was greeted by a beautiful young lady sitting behind a desk.
“Can I help you?”
Taking
off his hat, he replied, “I’m here to see Mr. Barkley. Is he busy?”
“He’s
with a client right now, but he should be done shortly if you would like to
wait.”
“I’ll
do that.” Adam sat on the edge of the
desk, “But you’ll have to keep me company.”
Extending
his hand, he introduced himself, “Adam Cartwright.” Her hair was a dark brown and she wore it up
in loose bun, several errant curls hanging down to frame her face. With dark eyes and long lashes she was a
beauty that under normal circumstances might tempt him.
Taking
his offered hand shyly, she answered, “Amelia...Thomas.”
Adam
flashed her a dimpled grin, “Nice to meet you, Miss
Thomas.” So used to covering his true self, Adam turned on the charm, “How long
have you been working for Mr. Barkley?”
She
shook her head, “Only a few months now.
He said that he’d been injured and he needed someone to take care of
things while he was recovering. Things
seemed to work out, and he hasn’t fired me yet,” she said jokingly.
“Well
I’m glad to hear that. I’d hate to think
I’d have no one to talk with.”
As
the two of them laughed, Jarrod and his client came out of the inner
office. Adam stood up and Amelia went
back to looking busy. Jarrod walked his
client to the door, and Adam winked at Amelia when Jarrod passed by with a
frown on his face. Returning to Adam,
Jarrod motioned towards his office, “Come on in.”
Grabbing
his hat, Adam tipped it to Amelia, “Miss Thomas.” Amelia blushed at the
attention and went back to her work, watching her boss and Adam out of the
corner of her eye as they entered Jarrod’s office.
Closing
the door, Jarrod walked to his desk muttering, “Some things never change.” Adam
followed Jarrod to his desk and leaning across it, waited for Jarrod to look at
him. Jarrod caught his mischievous smile
and asked with a puzzled look, “What?”
“You’re
jealous.”
“Why
would I be jealous?” huffed Jarrod, “You can talk to
whomever you like.”
Turning
his back to Jarrod, Adam sat on the edge of the desk with his arms crossed.
Looking over his shoulder he teased, “Oh course, as long as it’s not some
pretty young woman.”
Jarrod
grabbed his hat and coat, “I assume you are here for lunch. Are we going to go
or are you going to stand there and gloat.”
The look that Adam had on his face was too much for Jarrod and he broke
out laughing, “Yes, I’m jealous. Are you happy?”
“Yep.” He followed Jarrod to the door, his hand
resting lightly on his back, but removed it when Jarrod opened the door. “So
what does your work load look like this afternoon? I thought since I’m leaving
tomorrow we could do something if you’re not busy.”
Jarrod
stopped at Amelia’s desk, “I’m gonna be out this
afternoon, Miss Thomas. You can finish
what you’re doing and leave for the day. Please lock up on your way out.”
“Thank
you, Mr. Barkley. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Adam
turned as they were leaving and tipped his hat once more, “Miss Thomas, it was
a pleasure to meet you.”
“You too, Mr. Cartwright.”
Jarrod
pulled him out the door and began walking, “That’s real funny.”
“What?
I was being a gentleman.”
“You
were gloating again.”
“I
was not gloating. I was making a friend.
Who knows, I might need a date someday. Never hurts to have friends you know.”
“You
are not dating my secretary,” growled Jarrod.
“Why not? You dating her?”
“No,
I am not dating her. I don’t date my
help.”
“Well
you should, she’s very beautiful,” teased Adam, walking backward in front of
Jarrod so he could see his reaction.
Jarrod
rolled his eyes, trying to control his rising anger. The thought of Adam dating anyone sent his
blood boiling. It was unfair of course. He couldn’t expect Adam to remain
celibate just because he didn’t want anyone else. With a half smile he teased back, curious to
see Adam’s reaction, “Maybe she has a friend, we could double date.”
Adam’s
smile disappeared and he fell into step beside Jarrod, “Point taken, Counselor.” He had
pushed Jarrod too far with his comment, hoping to see a spark of interest, not
realizing that Jarrod didn’t want to be reminded of any of it.
The
rest of their walk was done in silence, both men contemplating the implications
of their conversation. It hadn’t really
occurred to either of them that they would have to date women again if they
were to maintain the persona they’d developed over the years. They were both
ladies men, something they’d perfected since their college days. They could be friends of course, but that
didn’t mean it was exclusive, they were going to have to date. Consciously or
unconsciously they had acquired a reputation and they would have to go back to
that life when they parted once more.
~*~
And
so it went. When Adam made it to
Adam walked into Jarrod’s office and found a very nervous
looking Miss Thomas staring at Jarrod’s office door. Unsure, Adam thought he
could hear yelling and the closer he got, he could make out the words being
shouted in anger, “Are you still seeing him, is that it?”
“I’m not seeing anyone and even if I were, it’s none of
your business. You kicked me out remember?”
“It is my business if someone finds out, everything Father
ever worked for will be gone! You think this is just about you, Jarrod. Well
it’s not!”
“What the devil do you want from me, Nick?”
“I don’t want to feel so damn uncomfortable every time I
have to talk to you. I want my brother back, the one that gave a damn about
what was right and wrong.”
Adam’s eyes darted to Amelia and her discomfort was
evident. The voices rose and Adam turned
to Amelia, trying to hide his own embarrassment as he asked urgently, “How
about I take you to lunch?”
Amelia practically sighed with relief, “Thank you.”
She wasted no time grabbing her shawl and the two of them
escaped the awkward situation. Adam
walked beside her lost in thought, wondering what she was thinking of the
overheard conversation and how much was said before he even got there. His concern wasn’t for himself, but for
Jarrod’s reputation if she repeated what she’d heard.
They’d gone almost a block when Amelia finally spoke, “Is
it you?”
Off all the things he expected her to say that was not one
of them. Caught off guard, he stopped
and stared at her, and Amelia ducked her head as the red crept into her
face. Adam recovered and stirred them
towards the park across the street. He
led her to a bench and sat beside her, “How much did you hear?”
“Enough,” said Amelia, her voice a mere whisper. “I won’t
say anything I promise. I know how damaging something like this could be.”
“You say that, but you can’t possibly understand.”
Amelia wanted to reassure him somehow. She needed this job
and she couldn’t afford to lose it, but it was going to take more than her word
that she would remain silent. “Have you ever heard of a
“Yes I have. It’s when two woman friends live together.
It’s a convenient way to support themselves when they
don’t marry.”
“Looks can be deceiving. I may be taking a great risk
here, but somehow I don’t think so.”
Adam looked at her curiously, not sure where she was
leading him, “What are you trying to tell me?”
“I understand more than you think, Mr. Cartwright. I live with another woman. We have been together
for almost four years now. It is not a relationship of convenience as you so
aptly put it. I love Molly, just as I suspect you love him.”
Adam bristled, “You are being presumptuous.”
“Am I? I’ve seen you with him over the last six months.
Whenever you come to town, everything about him changes. It’s there if you
choose to see it.”
Slumping forward, Adam snuck a sideways glance at Miss
Amelia Thomas and shook his head, “We’re just friends, nothing more.”
“You are more than friends, you just choose to ignore it,
deny it, whatever, but it’s there nonetheless. Is that why his family shunned
him, they found out?”
“I don’t think any of this is your business.”
Amelia shrugged, “I suppose not. It’s my curious
nature.” Very gently, she reached out
and rested her hand on his arm, “I won’t tell anyone. Your secret is safe with
me.”
“There is nothing to keep secret. As I said we are just
friends.”
“Hmph...so
you said,” Amelia smiled at him, “You are a stubborn man, Adam Cartwright.”
Despite himself, Adam had to smile, “Why am I even
discussing this with you?”
Squeezing the arm she still held, she said softly, “Who
else is there to talk to?”
Adam shook his head, “I barely know you.”
“I suppose that’s true, but what better way to get to know
someone than to talk to them.”
“Are you always this outspoken?”
Shaking her head, Amelia answered, “Actually no. You seem to bring out the best in me.”
“You’re frustrating.”
“That too, but you’re warming up to me aren’t you?”
Adam rolled his eyes at her, but found her endearing
despite his words. It was unusual to find a woman that didn’t have an ulterior
motive, and he found himself relaxing in her presence. He could be himself
without worrying that she would want more from him. She was quite simply, willing to listen. With
a heavy sigh he began speaking and over the next hour he related more to her
than he’d even told Jarrod. He’d been
unable to tell Jarrod how he felt, having been forced away from him by his
family. Everything he wanted to say had
been shut away when Jarrod decided that a friendship was all he could
handle.
When he finished his story, Amelia shook her head sadly,
“You are in a difficult position. You know what you want, he doesn’t.”
“So what do I do?”
Amelia smiled at him, “Well, that smile of yours would
melt a million hearts. Just keep
smiling.” Adam blushed a bit and Amelia added more seriously, “He loves you, Adam, you just have to be patient.”
“And if he decides he can’t accept that?”
“Well, at some point you are going to have to decide if
what he is willing to give is enough. If it’s not then you are going to have
some hard decisions to make.”
“It gets harder and harder to be with him and not be with
him. Does that make sense?”
“It makes perfect sense to me, but then I am anything but
conventional,” laughed Amelia. Standing up, she reached out her hand to Adam, “Come
on, I best be getting back if I want to keep my job.”
Easing himself up, Adam stood before her and dropped a
kiss on her cheek, “Thank you. Do you think that we could keep this between
us? I don’t think Jarrod would feel
comfortable knowing you know about...us.”
“Don’t worry, I want to keep my
job!”
Adam teased as he led her back to the office, “I could put
in a good word for you.”
“If what you say is true, the less he knows about this the
better. I’d hate to lose my job over some unwarranted jealousy.”
Bowing dramatically, Adam smiled, “I will be the perfect
gentleman in your presence, dear Amelia.”
“If you call me Amelia and I can start looking for a new
job today.”
“My apologies.... Miss Thomas.”
“That’s better.” As
they neared the office, Amelia asked nervously, “Do you think they are gone?”
“I’m sure. They wouldn’t stay any longer than necessary.
Do you know if Jarrod is still doing the legal work for the ranch?”
“He was, but that was being discussed just before you got
there. Mr. Barkley informed them he no
longer wanted to deal with their animosity and would gladly hand it over to
another lawyer.”
“Hmmm.
What did they say?”
“I couldn’t hear what was said. I’m sorry.”
“I’m going to see if I can get Jarrod out of the office
this afternoon. Is his schedule free?”
“I think so. Nothing that can’t be
rearranged.”
“Good.” Just before they entered the office, Adam stopped
them and spoke quietly, “I really want to thank you for everything. I’m sorry you
were put in such a position but I’m glad you told me what you did. It’s one
less thing I have to worry about.”
“I understand how difficult this is for you. If you ever
need to talk, you know where to find me.”
“I’ll remember that.”
When they entered the office, all was quiet and Amelia
returned to her desk and began working while Adam knocked on Jarrod’s door. Not
getting a response, he entered and found the office empty. Amelia spoke up
behind him as she held up a piece of paper, “It says he’s gone home for the
day.”
Adam hurried towards the door, then stopped and returned
to Amelia and gave her another quick kiss. “Thank you.”
Amelia shooed him out the door, “Go, before your charm
sways even me.” Laughing at her joke,
Adam left with a wave.
Adam returned to the townhouse only to find it empty. It
was hours before Jarrod finally returned and it was obvious he’d been drinking.
He stumbled into the house and went straight for more liquor only to be
intercepted by Adam. “You’ve had enough. You can barely stand as it is.”
“It has some wonderful numbing properties,” slurred
Jarrod, leaning heavily into Adam.
“You want to tell me what happened to bring this on?”
Jarrod pushed away from him and poured another drink.
Holding it up, he spoke with a sneer, “I have officially resigned from my
family duties. I can’t work with them any longer. Every time they have to speak
to me I can see the hatred and disgust. It’s better this way. They won’t have
to deal with me anymore. Seems a new
lawyer is in order and I, Jarrod Barkley, can concentrate on my own
practice. Wouldn’t want people thinking
there was anything amiss within the family.” Downing the brown liquid, he
angrily threw the glass against the wall watching it shatter to pieces.
As if his own life were suddenly shattered, he dropped to
his knees and hung his head. Drunk and
unable to maintain his control, Jarrod shoulders shuddered and Adam knew he was
crying. He dropped down beside him and
didn’t hesitate as he wrapped his arms around Jarrod, knowing that his friend
was hurting.
Whatever had taken place in the office had forced Jarrod’s
hand and his heart ached for him. Jarrod leaned into him and Adam rested his
head against his, holding him as he released months of pent up emotions. Nothing was said. Nothing had to be. They sat for a long time before Jarrod began
to relax and when Adam started to pull away Jarrod’s hands held him tighter. Holding Jarrod close felt wonderful despite
the circumstances and Adam resisted the temptation to caress the one he
held.
He suddenly froze as Jarrod’s hand began caressing his
chest and brushed over his sensitive skin.
His breathing grew louder as Jarrod continued and he knew he should stop
it, but it felt so good he wanted it to go on.
Jarrod was inebriated and Adam was sure he would regret this tomorrow,
so gathering what strength he had, he grasped Jarrod’s wrist and pulled it from
his chest, “Stop, please!”
Undeterred, Jarrod lowered his head and began kissing and
sucking on Adam’s neck and throat.
Panting for a breath, Adam was pushed onto his back and Jarrod lay above
him, his teeth finding his cloth-covered nub.
Squirming beneath him, Adam pleaded with Jarrod, “Oh god, Jarrod...
stop! Don’t do this.”
Jarrod hands continued to fondle and each time Adam batted
one hand away another found its place.
Panting with desire yet desperate to get away from the contact, Adam
roughly shoved Jarrod off of him, his voice stern as he hollered, “STOP!!”
Adam’s harshness sobered Jarrod and realizing what he’d
done, reddened and staggered to his feet.
Looking down at Adam, he stammered, “Oh god, Adam... I’m...I’m...” Jarrod couldn’t face what he’d done and
hurried out of the room.
Sitting on the floor Adam called out to stop him,
“Jarrod!” Still shaking from Jarrod’s
pawing, Adam hung his head in despair as he watched Jarrod leave. The whole situation had finally gotten out of
hand and both of them were left reeling in the aftermath. Wiping away the sweat that had gathered on
his brow, Adam slowly got to his feet and rearranged his clothes. His body
still shivered from Jarrod’s touch and his manhood was painfully hard. Shifting
his erection to ease the pain, his body betrayed him and he dropped to his
knees as a powerful climax ripped through him.
Jarrod’s caresses had pushed him too close to the edge and he fell
forward onto one hand as he released months of sexual tension. His hand gripped the sac between his legs as
he thrust for the last bit of pleasure before sliding to the floor. It was several minutes before his breathing
evened out enough for him to get up.
Standing on unsteady legs he went in search of Jarrod.
Adam found Jarrod halfway up the stairs retching
the alcohol he’d consumed in abundance. He looked pathetic and Adam reached out
only to have his hand slapped away, “Leave me alone.”
“I just want to help you.”
“Why should you? How can you even stand to be near me?”
“That’s the liquor talking, not you. Come on, let me help
you.”
Jarrod lifted his head and looked at Adam through
red-rimmed eyes, “I’ve ruined it, haven’t I?”
“No. We can talk about it tomorrow. You’re in no condition
to talk about anything tonight.”
Nodding, Jarrod let Adam help him to his feet and even
accepted a hand when he swayed unsteadily.
As they neared his room, Jarrod suddenly bolted and dashed to the
bathroom, barely making it before his stomach rebelled again. Adam followed after him and sat patiently
comforting him even when all that was left was the dry heaves. Exhausted, Jarrod finally passed out on the
floor and Adam dutifully cleaned him up and found a pillow and blanket to make
his sleep a little more comfortable.
Cleaning up the earlier mess and then himself,
Adam checked on Jarrod a final time and went to bed, wondering how much he
would even remember in the morning.
Chapter 13
Adam woke the next morning to the sounds of Jarrod being
sick and rolled out of bed to check on him. Strolling to the bathroom, he
leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms, not surprised to find Jarrod
leaning over the commode looking rather pale.
Cautious of getting too close, not sure how Jarrod would react in his
present state, he cleared his throat to announce his presence.
Jarrod turned enough to peer at Adam through bloodshot
eyes and groaned, “Go away.”
“You look like something the cat drug in.”
“I feel like it. Don’t you have something better to do?”
Shaking his head, Adam smiled, “No.”
His stomach convulsing suddenly, Jarrod paled as he turned
away and moaned, “Please let me have some dignity here.”
Adam ignored him and stepping to the sink, wet a cloth.
Very gently he placed on the back of Jarrod’s neck and was rewarded with a
sigh. “Does that help?”
Jarrod nodded, his face hidden as he asked softly, “Why
are you helping me after what I did?”
“You were drunk. You weren’t exactly thinking clearly.”
“It’s no excuse.”
“No, but it’s forgivable.”
Raising his voice, Jarrod implored Adam, “I don’t want
your forgiveness.” Grabbing his head, he
groaned at the stabbing pain his own voice had caused and dropped it to a
whisper, “I thought we could be friends.”
Sitting on the edge of the tub, Adam spoke to Jarrod’s
back, “We are friends, just not in the way you want.”
“I can’t be what you want me to be.”
“I’ve never asked for any more than you’re willing to
give.”
“Why?”
Adam’s voice dropped very low as he answered, “Because I
don’t want to be left with nothing.”
Shaking his head, Jarrod said despairingly, “I can’t do it
any more, Adam. It’s too hard. I honestly thought we could be just friends and
everything would be like it used to be.”
“Is that what you really wanted?”
Jarrod turned and looked Adam in the eye, “No... it’s not what I wanted, but it’s all I could handle.
Maybe I’m not so sure of things as you are, but then
you aren’t the one that’s lost everything.”
Adam hung his head for a moment before getting to his
feet, “I know what you’ve lost and I’m sorry. I’d do anything to make it better
for you but I can’t.” His pulse raced in fear, knowing instinctively that all
pretenses of a friendship were over and he was being dismissed from Jarrod’s
life. He broke out in a cold sweat and moved further from Jarrod and closer to
the door, ready to make a hasty retreat.
Taking the cloth from his neck, Jarrod used to wipe the
dampness from his face and his voice was muffled as he spoke, “It isn’t working
anymore. If anything it’s worse than it
ever was.”
Adam’s next words couldn’t disguise the devastation he was
feeling, “My train leaves in an hour. I don’t regret what we shared, Jarrod, only that it ended so badly for you. If you ever change your mind, you know how to
find me.” His shoulders slumping and his head hung low, he left Jarrod to his
misery and went to deal with his own.
A month. It had only been a month and
Jarrod hated himself for sending Adam away.
Still reeling from all the turmoil in his life, he’d reacted hastily in
the backlash and Adam had been the one to pay the price. He’d stood by him throughout it all when even
his own brothers cast him out and Jarrod had tried to blame him for all of it
and yet he was as much to blame as Adam.
They had both made the conscious decision to act on their feelings,
blind to the possible consequences.
Jarrod did a lot of thinking in Adam’s absence, but mostly
he tried to go back to his previous life.
He took up his social commitments that for so long he’d been avoiding
and even tried dating. What an eye opener
that had been. Where before he could find something enjoyable about spending an
evening with a beautiful woman, now his thoughts drifted to how much more
enjoyable it would be to be doing the same things with Adam. Not possible of course, but the thoughts were
there nonetheless.
Not one to usually have to pay for the comfort of a woman
he found himself entering the brothel in search of some physical pleasure. He’d not been with a woman since Adam had
shown up, and maybe that was all he needed to remind him that a woman could
fulfill his needs as they once had.
Heading to the young lady’s room, Jarrod quickly divested himself of his
clothes and let her earn her pay. Even
as her hands worked his aching length he imagined them being Adam’s hands, but
he wanted more. Rolling her to her stomach, he lay atop and asked hesitantly as
the tip of his shaft slipped between her fleshy cheeks. “Can I do it this way?”
The young girl nodded, “Sure, Mister, it’ll cost ya extra though, and you gotta
make sure you get me ready. I can’t afford to be outta
commission.”
Already excited and needy, Jarrod rasped, “Tell me how.”
Squirming out from under him, the girl reached in her
nightstand and pulled out a tin of cream, “Here, use this. Start with yer finger and then another until it stretches some. Don’t
tear me up so bad that way.
Jarrod looked at her in surprise, “It’s enjoyable for
you?”
The girl smiled, “Well sure it is. I’ve had men come in beggin’
me to do them.”
“Why?” asked Jarrod curiously.
“You really want to find out? I can promise you it’s
unlike anything you’ve ever felt before.”
Lifting up, he rested his weight on his elbows as he asked
with a frown, “Why do you want to do this?”
She looked at him with a mischievous grin, “Well, I don’t
charge for the first time. Second time costs ya. You wanna try it?”
Reluctant, Jarrod nodded and began sweating nervously, “Is
this going to hurt?”
Pushing him back on the bed, she chuckled, “Not if ya do it right. Try and relax, that helps a lot.”
Placing her hands under his knees, she lifted them and
opened him wider. Jarrod felt completely exposed, but his excitement more than
made up for his vulnerability. Dipping
her fingers in the thick cream she dropped one to his entrance and teased at
the opening. Jarrod was alarmed first,
but it quickly gave way to pleasure as she worked her finger over the sensitive
area. As he grew used to her touch she
eased her slender finger into his opening and he tried to pull away from the
intrusion. Her hand rested on his belly to calm him as she spoke, “You gotta concentrate on lettin’ the
muscles relax. If you can do that, it don’t hurt as
much.”
Jarrod nodded and tried to follow her directions, and
found that the pain disappeared when his sphincter finally loosened around her
finger. She smiled at him and said reassuringly, “That’s the worst of it. You
get to where you can do that and the pain ain’t so
bad.” Very slowly she eased her finger into his tight tunnel and Jarrod panted
despite himself. It was a feeling unlike
any other, a fullness that bordered on uncomfortable but was erotic at the same
time. He found it pleasing but wondered what was so addictive that would have
men begging for it. That was until she hit a spot that had him arching off the
bed and crying out with pleasure, “OH God, what was that?”
She hit the spot again, and Jarrod felt the blood rush to
his arousal and it pulsed frantically with need. Grabbing his erection, he pumped it with
long, slow strokes. He panted, “Again!! More!!”
Inserting a second finger she stretched him, teasing his
prostate until he was writhing on the bed.
When he felt a third finger enter his heated hole and fill him beyond
what he thought possible, he begged shamelessly, “Harder!!! Please!”
The girl pushed her fingers harder and faster, unaware of
where Jarrod’s thoughts had drifted. All
he could imagine was Adam’s long, hard length slamming into him, filling him to
capacity, stretching him until he could take no more. Jarrod suddenly cried out and shot stream
after stream all over his stomach and chest in a soul wrenching orgasm. His hand pumped his pulsing length until he
had nothing left to give and he slumped to the bed, shuttering in the
aftermath. Pulling her fingers from
inside him, Jarrod gasped at the loss and shivered uncontrollably.
The girl wiped her hand and gently cleaned him up,
grinning as she worked, “Reckon I just got me another paying customer.”
~*~
It had been a very long morning and Jarrod was trying to
compose a letter. A letter he’d never thought to be writing today. For two months he’d tried to live his life,
until today. Today brought some startling revelations and now he had to make it
right again.
A,
I spent the morning at an old friend’s
grave and it dawned on me what a boring life he lived with nothing to mark his
place in this world. I don’t want to suffer the same fate. To just live from
day to day, hoping to survive to the next is not what I dreamed for myself.
I’ve let my fears overrule everything.
My family has abandoned me, I’ve cast you out of my life and what am I
left with? Nothing more than my friend
had when he left this world.
I’ve thought I knew love at one
time, until you came back into my life.
I love you as I never loved another and hope that you can see it in your
heart to take a second chance.
Love,
J
~*~
Ben looked across the table at his oldest and worried as
Adam picked at his food. He’d been
distant for the last few weeks, even more so than normal. Things had improved considerably since Adam
began making the regular trips to
He spoke when addressed but didn’t participate in a
conversation unless asked specifically, and he’d been taking the jobs farthest
from home, no matter how dirty or backbreaking the work was. Worse was the
noticeable lack of appetite. In the two
months since his return from
Glancing
across the table, Ben cleared his throat, “Adam, when is your
next meeting with Royce?”
“I’ve
been meaning to bring that up,
Hiding
his surprise, Ben questioned, “I thought you liked going. You aren’t having trouble with him are you?”
Adam shook his head, “No trouble,
Little
Joe jumped at his older brother’s lack of enthusiasm, “I’ll go,
Sitting
next to his younger brother, Hoss laughed, “That’s
right Pa, send Little Joe here. Reckon none of us would have ta worry about that trip no more.”
Joe started raise up in his seat to protest, when Hoss
cut him off with a big hand on his shoulder, “Aw heck, Joe, settle down. You
don’t know nothin’ ‘bout no timber contracts.” With
his fork, Hoss pointed at his father and Adam, “That’s
why they go and you don’t.”
Hoss
went back to eating while Joe crossed his arms in a huff and slumped down in
his chair, “Well it can’t be all that hard.”
Not
in the mood for Joe’s attitude, Adam looked at his father, “Let him go. Let him
see how easy it is to deal with it all. Spending all day in suit, in a stuffy room with men that have no
sense of humor, quibbling over a board foot of lumber.”
Rolling
his eyes, Ben raised his voice, “That’s enough. I was just asking a simple...”
At that moment a loud knock came at the door and Ben frowned, “Now who in the
devil could that be?”
Hoss
and Joe shrugged their shoulders as Ben threw his napkin down and went to
answer the door. Adam peered around the
corner to see who it was as his father opened the door. Whoever it was didn’t stay long and Ben
walked back to the table with a piece of paper in his hand. Extending it to Adam, he explained, “Somebody
sent Billy out to give this to you.”
Joe
was leaning across the table, eyeing the paper, “Well open it. Who’s it from?”
Opening the paper, Adam read it...
I’m at the Palace Hotel, Room 17
J
Adam
got up quickly, stuffed the paper in his pocket and headed for the front door,
“I have to go to town,
Ben
hurried after Adam, and could see his son’s shaky hands as he strapped on his gunbelt and grabbed for his hat. Reaching out, he stopped Adam before he could
leave the house. “Son, what is it?”
Smiling,
Adam spoke reassuringly, “It’s nothing,
“It’s
awful late to be going to town.”
“I
know, but this is important. I’ll probably stay in town so don’t wait up.”
Nodding
his head, Ben wasn’t all that reassured.
Adam was clearly hiding something and with his recent mood swing he couldn’t
figure out what could be so important in town that Adam wouldn’t even finish
his dinner. Adam didn’t seem too
worried, maybe nervous but not worried, so Ben let him go, “Be careful.”
Anxious
to be going, Adam smiled as he opened the door, “I will, Pa, don’t worry.”
Adam
felt bad leaving his father to wonder, but his insides were twisting in
anticipation over what he’d find in town and he hurried to saddle his horse and
be off. It was the longest ride of his life
and he pushed Sport as fast as he dared without winding the animal. Dismounting at the livery, he instructed them
to bed him for the night and he hurried down the street to the hotel.
Stepping
into the alley, he headed up the back stairs, not wanting any questions asked
as to what he was doing in town. It was
easy enough and he stood outside room 17, lightly knocking with a shaky hand.
When Jarrod opened the door, he slipped inside without a word and stood waiting
for some sort of explanation.
Jarrod
stepped closer to Adam, who was backing up nervously,
trying hard to maintain the distance he’d grown accustomed to.
With
his back to the wall, Adam swallowed hard and unconsciously licked his lips
when Jarrod slowly leaned forward. Lifting his hand, Jarrod clasped the back of
Adam’s neck and let his fingers sift through the fine hairs at his nape as his
lips covered Adam’s in a soft and tender kiss.
Adam’s mouth opened as his eyes closed and his head went back. He inhaled sharply when Jarrod’s lips met
his, and he blissfully savored the touch and taste he thought was lost
forever. Helpless to the sensations he’d
been longing for, he stood motionless and panting for air as Jarrod slowly
unbuttoned his shirt and ran his fingers across his collarbone and down his
breastbone.
The
whole time his fingers teased Adam’s chest, Jarrod continued his kisses, never
hurrying. They were slow and torturous
and Adam was lost in ecstasy. As Jarrod
traced the line of his jaw with kisses, Adam tilted his head further back
allowing him greater access. Ever so
slowly, Jarrod sucked and kissed Adam’s salty skin working his way down his
throat to the hollow of his collarbone and finally to the tiny sensitive nub
buried in the dark hair of his chest.
Adam
pulled back sharply as fire shot to his loins, but the wall behind him kept him
firmly in place. His hands grabbed the wall for purchase as Jarrod’s tongue
assaulted his nipple and he bit his lip to keep from crying out. His manhood ached painfully against the material
of his pants, and still Jarrod teased.
As lips and teeth nibbled and sucked one tight peak, fingers squeezed
and circled the other until Adam’s hips arched towards Jarrod, desperate for
contact. Stopping for a moment, Jarrod
stood up straight and leaned his head into Adam’s, his tongue dancing across
his ear as he breathed huskily, “I can’t live a lie
anymore. Let me love you.”
Gulping
for air, Adam could only nod, his whole body trembling with need and desire.
When Jarrod’s hands reached for his belt, he sucked in a sharp breath of air as
fingers grazed the skin at his waist.
With infinite patience, Jarrod undid buttons with one hand, while the
fingers of his other teased the cloth-covered ridgeline of Adam’s burgeoning
flesh. When at last Adam was freed from
the tight confines of his pants, he was panting and desperate for Jarrod’s
touch.
Jarrod’s
hands rested on Adam’s hips and he very slowly slipped the pants down until
they pooled at his feet. His pulsing
shaft jutted outward, his eyes dark pools of desire as Jarrod returned to his
flesh, kissing and sucking his neck and ears, but never allowing him the
contact he so desperately needed.
Pulling his shirt off his shoulders, Jarrod caressed Adam’s strong arms
his eyes never leaving him. Removing the
shirt, Jarrod watched as Adam impatiently kicked off his boots and pants,
leaving him completely exposed.
After
almost a year since their last real lovemaking, Adam was beyond caring about
appearances. All he cared about was Jarrod touching him. When Jarrod led him to
the bed, kissing him the whole way, he went without question. Jarrod kicked off his boots and began
undressing as he requested huskily, “Roll over.”
As
Adam dutifully rolled over, Jarrod quickly undressed and slid onto the bed, settling
on his knees between Adam’s legs. Dropping his hands on either side of Adam, he
leaned over and kissed his shoulder, smiling when Adam shivered. Adam lay with his head turned to the side,
his mouth open with desire and Jarrod leaned forward and kissed the corner of
his mouth as his tongue danced over his lips.
His arousal slid into Adam’s cheeks and they both startled at the
feeling, but were soon lost in a deep and powerful kiss. Jarrod dropped his weight onto Adam’s back
and rocked his heated flesh into the tight crease of his ass. Moaning with
pleasure, Adam tried to twist his head enough to grant Jarrod’s tongue entrance
to his own questing mouth. Desperate
for more and feeling restrained, Adam tried to lift his weight to roll over
onto his back but Jarrod hushed his movements with a throaty whisper, “Stay
still. Let me do this for you.” Sliding his sweating torso down Adam’s back he
added, “Do you trust me?”
Adam
swallowed and spoke with a strangled whisper, “Yessss.
Oh god, Jarrod. I’m barely hanging on here.”
Massaging
Adam’s firm cheeks with long fingers, Jarrod reassured him, “Just relax for me.
I promise you’ll like this.” When a finger slipped into his crack and danced
across his opening, Adam’s cheeks tightened reflexively. In the next instant he was lifting his hips
to open himself to Jarrod’s probing, wanting more of the wonderful
sensation. Reaching behind him to the
small tin on at the end of the bed, Jarrod covered his fingers with the lubricant
and marveled at the ease at which it slipped between Adam’s cheeks. He moved
slowly, letting Adam get used to his touch, increasing the pressure with each
pass. When Adam’s hips rose off the bed
and he tried pushing into Jarrod’s finger, he very gently pushed his digit into
the tight ring of muscle and held it still, allowing Adam the time to
adjust. “Take it out!”
With
his free hand, Jarrod rubbed circles on Adam’s back as he spoke, “Give it a
second. Please, Adam. You have to trust me. I won’t do any more than you want
me to. You need to relax the muscle and the pain will go away.”
Adam
was nodding furiously, only his trust for Jarrod kept him from jerking away
from the finger that was penetrating him. Jarrod continued to utter
reassurances, “Take normal breaths and relax.”
It
took a few seconds, but Jarrod finally felt the muscle relax and his arousal
throbbed at the thought of being surrounded by such tightness. That was a long time off and he had more
pressing things to do first.
Very
slowly, he pushed his finger into Adam’s warmth when he felt the hard nub and
was almost as surprised as Adam when he jerked on the bed and whimpered,
“Too...much!”
Adam
was panting for air, trying to calm his raging emotions and Jarrod stilled his
hand to allow him some time to recover his breath. Lying across Adam’s back, he
thrust his finger into his opening, his own flesh grinding into Adam’s thigh
with each push of his finger. Adam was thrusting into the mattress and trying
to push back onto Jarrod’s finger at the same time. When Jarrod slipped a second finger in, Adam
lifted onto his knees, exposing his opening and allowing Jarrod access to his
jutting erection. He gasped between
breaths, “Need...to...stop!”
Jarrod
scissored his fingers, opening Adam wider and pushed
his fingers in deeper letting him feel the fullness and said, “Don’t hold
it.”
His
fingers found Adam’s prostate and his other hand wrapped around his hard
pulsing shaft as it dangled between his legs.
Adam bit back a cry, slammed himself onto Jarrod’s fingers and came
hard, spewing his seed all over the bed.
Jarrod thrust his fingers in and out, striking his prostate over and
over until he milked him dry and Adam lay in a boneless heap on the bed. Even then Jarrod’s fingers continued a slower
motion, carefully avoiding the oversensitive tissue.
Trying
to recover some air, Adam lay breathless on the bed, his body refusing to
respond to even the simplest command. He
fought to pull away from Jarrod’s fingers but his body wouldn’t listen and he
lay helpless as they touched him in places he thought impossible. He felt lost in an ephemeral world, almost
floating as he savored the feelings going through him.
How
long he was lost, he didn’t know but he soon felt the stir of his arousal and
realized Jarrod was lightly teasing that one spot again. As the blood returned to his member, so did
the desire and he groaned with pleasure.
He could hear Jarrod’s heavy breathing atop him and could feel the
slippery hardness at his hip and realized that he’d forgotten everything but
his own need for release. Moving from under Jarrod, the fingers in his ass were
suddenly gone and he inhaled sharply at the loss. He tried to speak as he
rolled over. “I’m sorry...Let me...help you!”
Jarrod
moved back to Adam’s side and reached out to stroke his rising flesh as he
leaned in for a kiss. “I’m fine. I want
to do this for you. I’ve been so foolish. I want to show you how much I need
you. Please let me do this for you.”
The
blue depths looking down at him were filled with so much pain that Adam nodded
solemnly and relaxed. Long fingers
encircled his heated flesh and he gripped the sheets as his own stickiness
coated and caressed his length. Jarrod
brought him to the edge time and again only to back off and start over. His sweat soaked the covers beneath him, and
he wondered how Jarrod was holding on to his own need for release when he was
desperate for it. He’d never wanted
anything as badly as this and he wanted to beg. Anything to
relieve the aching, screaming need.
When
he thought he could stand no more, Jarrod slipped his finger back into his ass
and caressed the tiny gland. With no
thought of anything else, his hips shot off the bed and he came hard for a
second time, his body tensing as he exploded from the inside out. The light
that centered behind his balls was almost blinding and he could feel nothing
but the scream of his release for what seemed like forever. As his body slumped
to the bed, he felt Jarrod’s weight drop onto his and arms embraced him
tightly. He lay there limply, as Jarrod
thrust his hips several times and then his head was buried in his shoulder
crying out in a muffled groan, “Adammmm!” A new stickiness joined his
own, and Adam found the strength to wrap his arms around Jarrod as he
shuddered with each tiny thrust until he had no more to give.
When
at last they found their breath, Jarrod lifted himself up enough to kiss Adam,
his desire unchecked. Between scorching
kisses and hands that caressed him everywhere, Adam listened to Jarrod’s deep
and sultry voice, “I love you... I want you inside of me... I want to feel you
pushing in and out of me.... Oh god, Adam!. I need you
so bad it hurts.”
Jarrod’s
frenzy was intoxicating and Adam was surprised to feel a small twitch in his
groin. He wasn’t ready for more just
yet, but it wouldn’t be long, of that he was sure. Of all that he expected when
he got Jarrod’s note, this was not it.
Jarrod’s
earlier playing had Adam convinced that he would be the first, but the thought
of breeching Jarrod’s tight hole and filling him completely was exciting him
beyond what he thought possible. Even in
a semi hard state, he fed off Jarrod’s need and his hands caressed and touched
as frantically as Jarrod’s own. Taking
control, he rolled Jarrod to his back and his mouth nipped and sucked at the
salty skin of his chest. His tongue found the coppery circle of skin and he
sucked at the hard nub in the center until Jarrod was thrashing his head on the
bed. “Please, Adam. I want you inside
me!”
Rising
off of him, Adam slid down to kneel between Jarrod’s outstretched legs and he
opened him even further. Taking the
cream that Jarrod used earlier, Adam followed his lead and coating his fingers,
very gently slipped his finger into Jarrod’s tight hole. Jarrod stiffened in
pain, but panting harshly, willed himself to relax. Adam was immediately rewarded for his
patience and his finger slipped in easily, hitting Jarrod’s prostate mostly by
accident. The tightness and warmth was
incredible and Adam experimented with his strokes, finding what worked best for
Jarrod.
His
legs spread wide and his member achingly hard, Jarrod looked at Adam and
pleaded with dark blue eyes, “Please, Adam, I need you!”
Adam
nodded, and inserted a second finger trying to ready Jarrod. His own thickness
scared him and he didn’t want to take any chances hurting Jarrod. Shaking with
desire, he stretched Jarrod as much as his fingers would allow then inserted a
third finger. Jarrod gasped at the added
digit but didn’t pull away and Adam stopped his motions to allow him time to
adjust. In the next breath, Jarrod
nodded his head, “Move!”
Hesitating
a moment, Adam began thrusting his fingers in and out of Jarrod’s ass, hitting
his prostate with every push. Jarrod’s lost control and fingers grabbed at the
bed as his hips arched skyward. Adam
felt his fingers being squeezed by the tight muscles and he watched as Jarrod’s
balls tightened and blood pulsed in the veins of the engorged flesh in front of
him. Jarrod clenched his teeth hard and
convulsed in wave after wave of pleasure, spewing his seed all over
himself. Adam was amazed that he could
come without even being touched and it sent blood to his own hardness. Unsure after Jarrod’s release, Adam slowly
removed his fingers and leaned over Jarrod as he laid trembling and gasping for
air. “Do you still want this, Jarrod?”
Jarrod
nodded weakly and sighed, “Yes! Do it now. I won’t be any more relaxed than
this.”
Adam
almost chuckled at the sight Jarrod presented.
Hot and sweaty, he bore little resemblance to the dignified lawyer in
immaculate condition. He lay completely
relaxed, his arms sprawled outward and a look of pure bliss graced his face.
“Are
you sure?”
Jarrod
lifted his head enough to peer at Adam through half lidded eyes, “I want you
inside of me.”
Nodding,
Adam used the cream to coat himself and shook with anticipation and fear. Slipping one arm under Jarrod’s knee he
lifted him up, exposing the hole he wanted so badly. Grabbing his hot and needy
length, he guided the tip to Jarrod opening and paused for a moment to gather a
deep breath. “I’ll take it real slow.
Tell me if you want me to stop.”
It
was harder to get in than Adam anticipated and he finally had to push a little
forcefully to get past the tight ring of muscle. He froze when Jarrod cried out
and hissed through gritted teeth, “STOP! Oh God, Don’t move!”
Panting
frantically, tears slipped from behind his tightly closed eyes as he tried to
fight the urge to clamp down tightly on the intrusion. Adam grew fearful of the pain he was causing
and started to pull out only to have Jarrod whisper, “I just need a minute.
Please!”
Adam
was trembling to stay still, wanting to push in, but too afraid for Jarrod to
even pull out. Jarrod’s muscles suddenly
relaxed and he felt himself slip in another inch and looked up at Jarrod’s
face, worried he might have caused more pain.
Jarrod was staring back at him, wide eyed and breathing heavy, but the
pain had been replaced by a look of discomfort. “Are you alright?” asked Adam,
his voice wavering with desire.
Jarrod
nodded, “It’s very tight. Push slowly.” Adam eased himself into Jarrod, until
he was buried to the hilt, his balls brushing against Jarrod’s ass. Jarrod lay with his eyes closed trying to
concentrate on relaxing. Adam felt huge
inside of him and nothing prepared him for the overwhelming sensation of being
filled to capacity. It was both
uncomfortable and pleasing and he needed him to move. “Move, Adam!”
Pulling
out slowly, Adam pushed his way in again with the same cautious movements. He
was savoring every inch that went into Jarrod’s hot tunnel and he was startled
from his thoughts by Jarrod’s plea, “Faster!”
Adam
pulled out and thrust faster watching Jarrod for any sign of pain. When none
came, he pulled out until only the tip of his thickness remained and he thrust
forward sharply. Jarrod gasped and his
erection wept precum from its purple crown. Adam continued to thrust harder and faster
until he felt the sudden constriction of muscles around his shaft and he lifted
his head to see Jarrod throw his head back and moan.
Worried
about being too loud, Jarrod covered his mouth with his forearm and muffled his
cries as he came harder than he ever imagined possible.
Adam
stilled, fighting his own need for release, not ready to relinquish the
tightness surrounding him. His hand
grabbed for Jarrod’s erection and he concentrated on finishing him off. Jarrod jerked uncontrollably as his orgasm
assaulted every nerve ending in his body and light flashed unrelenting in his
brain. When it finally subsided, he realized he was covered in his own
stickiness and Adam was pounding into his ass with abandon. Bent over almost double now, each of Adam’s
thrusts stroked his prostate and he felt himself begin to stir again.
Looking
up at the intense concentration on Adam’s face he asked huskily, “Tell me,
Adam. What does it feel like?”
“Oh
god, Jarrod... It’s almost too much... so damn tight! I want to slam into you
so hard you scream.”
Jarrod
looked him in the eye and said, “Harder! You don’t have to hold back.”
Understanding
what Jarrod was saying, Adam thrust harder. This was so different than being
with a woman. Always there was the fear of hurting. Always
the fear of appearing too rough.
Jarrod understood and he slammed into his ass harder and harder with
each thrust. The sweat poured off of
him, dripping onto Jarrod and mingling with his own sweat and stickiness.
He
was so close, but the need for more pushed him on and he wanted it to go on
forever. Jarrod lay thrashing his head,
unable to gain any leverage in the position he was in. Adam’s hands pushed on the back of his thighs
as he pounded into him, his sac slapping his ass and sending fire through his
balls as his hardness hit that sensitive mound inside his ass over and
over. The fullness inside was almost
overwhelming and he grabbed his own distended flesh and stroked it hard and
fast to match the pounding he was taking.
His eyes shot open when he felt Adam swelling even larger inside of him
and his thrusts became frenzied and erratic.
Adam slammed himself deep inside of Jarrod and stilled for only a second
as he erupted once, then he thrust again and again in short desperate pushes
with each spurt of his essence.
Jarrod
followed him into the abyss with his own sharp spasms and they fed on each
other, intensifying the experience. They
pushed and strained to release every ounce and even then their thrusting
continued in an involuntary show of need. When at last Adam’s softened flesh
slipped from Jarrod, he let go of his hold and helped Jarrod stretch out his
long legs. Jarrod lay unmoving, still
trying to get back from the unimaginable heights. Adam rolled him to his side and spooned
behind him, holding him in a warm and comforting embrace and they both fell
into an exhausted and satisfying sleep.
Chapter 15
Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you
‘Bless the Broken Road’~Rascal
Flatts
Jarrod
awoke sometime in the middle of the night and found himself draped over
Adam. He needed to make a trip down the
hall and carefully moved away from him.
As he went to stand, his knees started to buckle and he grabbed for the
bedpost to keep from falling. Incredibly
sore, he took a few deep breaths and slowly reached out for his pants. Sitting down gingerly on the bed, he winced
when his battered tissue came in contact with the mattress. His pants went on very slowly.
Rolling
over and not seeing Jarrod beside him, Adam sat upright, his heart racing.
Seeing him sitting on the side of the bed brought some relief and he asked
worriedly, “Jarrod?”
“Shh, go back to sleep. I’m just going down the hall.”
“Are
you alright?”
“I’ll
be better if I can make it down the hall,” quipped
Jarrod. He eased himself off the bed and
took a few tentative steps, wincing with every one. Adam was instantly beside him, alerted by his
cautious movements.
Wrapping
his arm around Jarrod’s waist, he questioned, “What’s wrong?”
“I’m
just a little sore is all. Stop worrying.”
Grabbing
his own pants, Adam replied, “Let me help you.”
Jarrod
stopped Adam with a firm hand on his chest, “Too risky. I doubt either of us
could explain you coming out of my room half dressed in the middle of the
night.”
Adam
released the pants in his hand and nodded as they dropped back to the floor,
“Are you sure you can make it?”
“I’ll
be fine as long as I move slow.”
Reaching
out to clasp Jarrod’s arm, Adam caressed his arm as he said contritely, “I’m
sorry for hurting you.”
Covering
the hand that held his arm, Jarrod patted it, “Don’t be. It was worth every minute.”
Adam
looked into his eyes to see if they held the truth and saw nothing but
contentment shining back at him. Jarrod
leaned forward and gave Adam a reassuring kiss before gesturing him away from
the door. “Stay out of sight.”
When
Adam slipped behind the door, Jarrod opened it and glancing up and down the
empty hallway, made the slow walk to the bathroom. He grew alarmed when he felt something
trickling down his thighs and his steps increased despite the pain. Entering the small room, he locked the door
and quickly removed his pants. He was
relieved when he realized it was Adam’s fluid that ran down his legs. Taking the time to clean himself up, he
grabbed a wet towel for Adam, and ambled back down the hall to his room.
As
soon as he was in the door, Adam bolted off the bed and was helping him back to
bed. Letting Adam help him with his pants, Jarrod slid back on the bed and lay
down, sighing in relief. Still holding the damp towel, he held it out to Adam,
“Here I brought this so you could clean up a little.”
Adam
had tried rubbing away the dried stickiness that covered the hair on his chest
and abdomen, but had finally given up.
Taking the towel, he smiled gratefully, “Thanks. It was starting to
itch.” That and as it dried it pulled at
the fine hairs and was becoming uncomfortable.
He
envied Jarrod his almost smooth chest as he cleaned the black mat of hair on
his own chest. Throwing the towel in the
corner he joined Jarrod in bed, “Are you doing alright?”
Nodding
his head, Jarrod rolled closer and draped himself over Adam, “I’m fine. Give me
a couple days and I’ll be good as new.”
“Are
you staying a couple days?” asked Adam warily.
He been caught up in Jarrod’s mere presence earlier, but now seemed a
good time to discuss the full reason for his sudden appearance in
“I
thought I’d leave that up to you. I’m between cases right now. I thought we
could spend some time together if you’ll let me. I won’t blame you if you don’t
want me to stay.”
Slipping
an arm around Jarrod, Adam pulled him in close to his side and kissed his head.
“I want you to stay, but I think we need to talk.”
“I
know. We should have done that first. I just... well, I just needed you to see
how much I do love you. I tried to deny it, but it didn’t work.”
“What
made you change your mind? You seemed pretty sure the last time I saw you.” His
hand caressed Jarrod’s back as he spoke sincerely, “I can’t be just friends,
Jarrod. Not now. Not ever again.”
Jarrod’s
fingers played with the hair on Adam’s chest. “I know that now. I tried to move on after you left, it didn’t
work. It took the death of friend to
make me realize that my life was passing by and I had nothing to show for
it. I didn’t want to go another minute
alone when everything I wanted was waiting here with you.”
Adam
buried his head in the crook of Jarrod’s neck, his voice deep and husky, “I
can’t live without you. You know that don’t you?”
Taking
the initiative, Jarrod rolled Adam onto his back and worked his tongue and lips
to Adam’s nipples, nuzzling his dark hair along the way. He teased the tip, nipping and sucking at it
while his hand roamed the hard planes of Adam’s abdomen. Sliding lower, Jarrod’s own hardness left a
trail down Adam’s thigh. Resting his
head on his hip, Jarrod’s tongue darted out and flicked the vein on the
underside of Adam’s pulsing shaft.
Jerking at the contact, Adam moaned and tried pushing himself towards
Jarrod’s questing tongue, but Jarrod refused to be rushed. Licking and sucking
up and down Adam’s length, Jarrod continued until it was a deep purple and
leaking its creamy white fluid. Adam was
breathing heavily, and Jarrod rocked into his leg as he worked his mouth up and
down his engorged flesh.
“Turn!”
Jarrod
lifted his head and looked at Adam, puzzled, “What?”
“Turn
around so that I can do you.”
Shifting
slowly, Jarrod turned so that his body lay along Adam’s, only in the opposite
direction. Adam rolled and immediately went to work on Jarrod’s thick
shaft. Jarrod gasped as Adam swallowed
his length and sucked it greedily.
Covering
Adam’s own jutting erection with his mouth, Jarrod gripped the base of his
shaft and thrust his hand in time with his mouth. The previous teasing proved to be too much
and Adam pumped into Jarrod’s mouth, spurting stream after stream down his
throat. Jarrod swallowed hard and thrust
his own hips sharply as he erupted in the moist warmth of Adam’s mouth. Short of breath, they both tried to swallow
and breath as their powerful orgasms died off.
Twisting
on the bed, Jarrod snuggled up to Adam and pulled him possessively to his
chest, “I missed you so much, Adam. Even when we spent time together I missed
being this close. Just holding you.” Adam mumbled something sleepily, and Jarrod smiled
warmly as he hugged him tight. “Goodnight, Adam.”
~*~
The
next morning, Jarrod awoke to find himself alone and
panicked as he looked about the room. There was no sign that Adam had even been
there, until his eyes found the note resting on the nightstand.
I’ll meet you downstairs for breakfast,
Jarrod
hurried out of bed and was instantly reminded of the soreness in his
backside. Moving more cautiously, he
donned his pants and grabbing his shaving gear, headed down the hall to clean
up. Returning to his room, he dressed in some casual clothes and went to meet
Adam for breakfast. Jarrod found Adam
sitting in the dining room reading the paper and drinking coffee. Adam greeted him like an old friend and they
settled into an innocuous conversation after ordering some breakfast. When breakfast arrived they ate like two
starving men, their conversation going by the wayside as they enjoyed the first
real meal they had in over a month.
Their self-imposed separation had been difficult for both and neither
had been eating well or taking great care of themselves. It felt good to want to eat.
“I
have to get back home this morning. Will you come with me?”
Hesitating,
Jarrod replied, “I don’t know, Adam. You think that is such a good idea?”
Flashing
Jarrod a dimpled grin, Adam insisted, “I’ll behave, I promise. I’d like you to
meet my family.”
“It’s
not you I’m worried about,” teased Jarrod, added reluctantly, “I suppose a few
days wouldn’t hurt.”
“If
you don’t mind getting those lawyer hands a little dirty, I’m sure I can find
us some out of the way places to work.”
Suddenly
serious, Jarrod leaned closer and dropped his voice, “I won’t do anything to
put you at risk with your family. I won’t have you going through what I have.”
“I
never doubted that for a minute.” Adam gently slapped Jarrod’s arm, “We better
get going then. Pa’s gonna start to wonder where I
am. Why don’t you go grab your things and I’ll get the horses.”
Jarrod
thought they would never get to the ranch and he fought to stay upright in the
saddle so as not to worry Adam. His
soreness had only intensified with the saddle rubbing him and he was sweating
from the pain by the time the pulled into the yard. Jarrod was grateful no one heard them come
in. When he went to dismount, his knees
suddenly refused to hold him up and he grabbed for the saddle to keep from
falling. Adam hurried to his side and
asked softly, “Jarrod?”
Wiping
away the sweat on his face, Jarrod managed to get his feet under him and he straightened
up. “I just need a minute.”
“Can
you make it into the barn?” Jarrod
nodded and Adam took the horses. He led
them slowly into the barn, watching Jarrod carefully the whole time. His pain was obvious, and Adam mentally
kicked himself for not considering how painful the ride out must have been for
Jarrod. He’d hid it so well at breakfast
that it hadn’t occurred to Adam to ask how he was doing.
Walking
to the barn was painful but already some of the agony of riding was starting to
dissipate and Jarrod waited until Adam led the horses to their stalls before he
sat down tenderly. Grabbing the canteen
off his saddle, Adam offered it to Jarrod, “Why didn’t you say something?”
Taking
a drink, Jarrod shrugged, “I really didn’t think it would hurt that bad.” As Adam squatted down in front of him, Jarrod
could see his guilt and said reassuringly with a half smile, “I’ll be fine. No
horses the rest of the day though.”
A
hand on Jarrod’s knee, Adam said firmly, “Next time don’t be so tough.”
Jarrod
chuckled, “Next time it’s your turn.” Adam paled and Jarrod reached out to grab
his arm, as he said softly, “I didn’t mean that, I’m sorry.”
Adam
looked him in the eye, speaking honestly, “No. I want to, but I’d be lying if I
didn’t say that seeing you in pain isn’t a little unnerving.”
“We
can wait as long as you need, Adam. I understand.”
Giving
Jarrod a quick kiss, Adam stood up, “Thanks. Let me get these horses taken care
of and we’ll get you inside for some rest.”
“And
how pray tell are you going to explain that one?”
Tilting
head, Adam grabbed his chin exaggerating his thinking, “Hmmmm...
let’s see. How about you’ve just finished a grueling case and your doctor
suggested you take some time off to rest and recover? What better place than
the wide-open space of the Ponderosa with your best friend? Besides
Pa and my brothers aren’t home. There horses aren’t here.” Adam flashed
him a cocky grin.
Rolling
his eyes, Jarrod got to his feet. “Well hurry up then, because someone had me
up all night and a nap sounds pretty good.”
Adam spent most of the day close to the house, working on
chores that had been neglected over the last few weeks. His pa and brothers would be home soon for
supper so he decided to call it a day and get cleaned up. He was worried about Jarrod, having fallen
asleep before lunch, he still hadn’t woken.
It was obvious that Jarrod wasn’t taking care of himself, but Adam
couldn’t begrudge him that, he’d done no better lately.
Entering the house through the kitchen, Adam spoke with
their Chinese cook, “How long before supper, Hop Sing?”
“When
Missa Cartwright get home,
we eat. You clean up. When you done, you see Hop Sing, have something for
friend.”
Puzzled,
Adam tilted his head and frowned, “What?”
Hop
Sing waved him off as he tended dinner, “Hot water ready in bath. You go clean up. Hop Sing have when you
done.”
Shaking
his head in confusion, Adam knew better than to argue with the man. Hop Sing’s temper was too easily riled and he went to clean up
as requested, wondering what the man could possibly have for Jarrod. He returned a half hour later, cleaned up and
feeling much refreshed and Hop Sing handed him a small tin about the size of a
silver dollar, “You give friend. Make hurt go away.”
Adam’s
eyes widened and he looked down at the small man, his heart racing against his
will, “How did you know he was hurting?”
“Hop
Sing know.” Adam suddenly found a finger being pushed
into his chest and Hop Sing chastising him, “You be more careful, he not hurt
so much.”
His
legs wouldn’t hold him up and Adam dropped to the bench behind him, shaking
nervously. There was no way Hop Sing
could know the truth. The only time he’d even seen Jarrod was when they came
into the house. Adam had taken Jarrod to his room and gone outside to work so
they’d done nothing to arouse suspicion.
This was not happening, not again.
“Missa Adam?” Adam shook himself from his thoughts,
forgetting for a moment that Hop Sing was still there. He looked up at the
Chinaman and could find no words. It was Hop Sing that spoke again, “In China,
such thing not considered bad. Good
thing. Pure love. You no worry.
Secret safe.”
He lowered his voice and spoke with genuine concern as he pointed at the
tin in his hand, “Go to friend. Make better.”
A
red faced Adam strode towards the door but stopped and turned back, “Thank you,
Hop Sing.”
Hop
Sing was once again his stern self when he reprimanded the oldest Cartwright
son. “You hurry. Supper be ready soon. No on time, no eat. Hop Sing cook, cook, cook. No one appreciate.”
Smiling
to himself, Adam tightened his grip on the small tin in his hand and went to
wake Jarrod for supper.
“Jarrod...wake
up!”
Rolling
over and stretching, Jarrod grimaced in pain and stilled his movements. Adam
winced, still guilty about his part in it all. “You still sore?”
Jarrod
sat up and leaned forward, still trying to wake himself, “A little.”
Kneeling
on the bed, Adam held out the tin. “Hop Sing gave me this. Said
it would help.”
Eyes
wide and very awake, Jarrod panicked, “Why did you tell him?”
Adam
rested his hand on Jarrod’s outstretched leg. “I didn’t tell him anything. He
figured it out somehow. The man doesn’t miss anything. He won’t say anything. He was more worried about you than anything
we’ve done. In fact he told me to be more careful. I trust him not to say
anything, Jarrod.”
Jarrod
wasn’t convinced. All he could think of was reliving his worst nightmare all
over again, “Are you sure? I can leave, Adam. I can stay in town.”
Squeezing
his hand, Adam tried to reassure him. “I want you here. We are going to have to
learn to deal with this...together.” Just then they heard the heavy slamming of
the front door and Jarrod startled. Adam
smiled, “It’s my family getting home.
Why don’t you use some that and freshen up and I’ll go let them know we
have company.”
Nodding,
Jarrod shifted to get out of bed and Adam helped him to his feet. Dropping a hand to his hip, Adam leaned in
and kissed him. “I’m glad you’re here. Don’t worry so much.”
Kissing
him back, Jarrod shoved him towards the door, “You’d better go, before you go
missing.”
Adam
descended the stairs and was greeted by his father’s booming voice, “Where have
you been all day?” Cringing, Adam watched
his brother’s make a hasty retreat to the kitchen to clean up and he took a
deep breath.
Speaking
in a calm voice, Adam was hoping to negate his father’s anger. “Pa, can I talk
to ya for minute?”
The
approach worked. Ben could see Adam’s concerned look and his anger was
forgotten, “What is it, Adam?”
“We
have company. A friend of mine came to town last night. I invited him to stay
here.” Hoping to deflect too many
questions, he tried to explain, “He’s had a tough time the last few months with
family and his work. He just needs some time to relax and take care of
himself.”
Ben
nodded, and asked curiously, “Do we know this friend?”
Adam
shook his head, “He a friend from my college days. I hadn’t seen him in years
until almost a year ago. I’ve tried to catch up with him when I go to
Wanting
more answers, Ben was stopped from asking any more questions by Jarrod’s
presence on the stairs. Adam turned and
watched Jarrod descend, happy to see him moving with relative ease. Jarrod turned on his famous charm and
advanced on Adam and his father, “Mr. Cartwright it’s nice to meet you. Adam’s
told me a lot about you.” Adam noticed
that Jarrod had his left hand tucked into his pocket to hide it from sight. He didn’t realize that Jarrod still felt
self-conscious and wondered if it was because of his unease in his father’s
presence or something he always did.
Ben
shook the young man’s hand, but couldn’t say the same. Adam quickly
interjected, “Pa, this is Jarrod Barkley.”
“It’s
always a pleasure to meet one of Adam’s friends, Mr. Barkley.”
“Jarrod.”
Hop
Sing came out of the kitchen at that moment and barked, “Supper ready. Eat now
or it get cold.”
Ben
rolled his eyes at his cook’s manners, “I’m sorry but Hop Sing doesn’t take
kindly to anyone being late for meals.”
He placed a fatherly hand on Jarrod’s back and led him towards the
table. “Let’s sit down before he takes the food away and leaves us nothing to
eat,” laughed Ben.
Adam
led the way and motioned for Jarrod to sit, before he took his own seat beside
him. Jarrod sat down tenderly, but
didn’t show any obvious pain and Adam sighed inwardly, making a mental note to
thank Hop Sing later. Hoss and Little Joe could be heard arguing in the kitchen,
but they went silent as they rounded the corner and saw a dinner guest. Adam quickly made introductions as Hop Sing
brought in the meal. The men quickly
filled their plates and Ben made conversation as they ate, “So Jarrod, Adam
says you’re from
Smiling
as he spoke, Jarrod answered, “It’s where the work is.”
“What
do you do?”
“I’m
a lawyer, Mr. Cartwright.”
Joe
piped in, “You don’t look like a lawyer.”
Ben
reprimanded, “Joseph!”
Ducking
his head, Joe muttered, “Well he don’t.”
Jarrod
laughed at the young man’s impertinence, “Well I normally wear a suit, but it
seemed unnecessary for this trip.”
“What
brings ya ta the
Ponderosa?” asked Hoss, filling his mouth with more
food as he waited for an answer.
“Just some rest and relaxation. Adam
informed me it was the best place for it.”
Adam
marveled at Jarrod’s ease at handling his family and attributed it to his time
as a lawyer. His hand slipped beneath
the table and gently squeezed Jarrod’s leg.
Jarrod turned and making sure no one’s eyes were on them, winked at
him. Adam suppressed a snicker realizing
he had read Jarrod right and he was playing the game to perfection.
Jarrod
found comfort in sitting at the table with family, even if it wasn’t his own.
He’d missed the personal time and the occasional bantering. Hoss and Little Joe
were a lot like Heath and Nick, if just a little less subtle with their
bickering. Ben ruled the meal just as
his mother would have, never letting anything get out of hand. The fare wasn’t as fancy perhaps, but it
certainly made up for it in taste. The
meal was baked chicken cooked to perfection and it literally fell off the bone. Mashed potatoes, rolls and vegetables topped
off the meal.
Hop
Sing entered and smiled at the empty plates, “You eat good.
Get dessert now.”
Jarrod’s
manners dictated a reply, “May I commend you on an excellent meal, Hop Sing.”
“Make
just fo’ you. You too skinny.
Hop Sing fix you up.” Jarrod turned red and the whole
family laughed, used to Hop Sing’s forwardness where
food was concerned.
Ben
apologized, glaring at Hop Sing as he spoke, “Please forgive him. He takes his
job very seriously and that includes bullying our guests.”
Shaking
his head, Hop Sing shuffled back to the kitchen, “Not bully. Too
skinny. I get dessert.”
Jarrod
recovered quickly and grinned, “I suppose a few more pounds wouldn’t hurt. With
meals like this one, I don’t think it will be a problem for long.” Dessert was served and as Jarrod picked up
his fork to eat, it suddenly dawned on him that he hadn’t had to use his knife
through the entire meal. His left hand
had remained safely beneath the table.
He looked at Hop Sing and something told him that it wasn’t a
coincidence. He passed a barely
discernable nod at the cook and receiving a pleased smile in return, knew he’d
guessed right. Adam was right. The man
missed nothing.
It
was late when Jarrod slipped outside for a smoke and was surprised when Adam
joined him a short time later as he wandered to the back porch. “You’re up
late.”
“I
guess all that sleep today,” shrugged Jarrod. “It’s so quiet out here. Seemed a waste to just lie in bed staring at the ceiling.
What are you doing up?”
Moving
behind Jarrod, Adam wrapped his arm around his upper chest and held him close.
“I heard you moving around. Just making sure you were alright.”
Leaning
heavily into Adam, Jarrod enjoyed the closeness, “I’m fine. You should get some
sleep.”
Nuzzling
Jarrod’s neck, Adam sighed, “You need to find a way to relax.” Lifting Jarrod’s
shirt, his hand splayed over his stomach as he breathed huskily in his ear. “I
can help you relax.”
Already
his body was responding, but fear kept his senses
clear enough to pull from Adam’s embrace.
Sitting on the porch step, Jarrod shook his head and muttered, “I can’t,
Adam.”
Adam
sat beside him and rested his elbows on his knees, “You alright?”
“I’m
fine, I just don’t want to get caught in a
compromising situation again.”
“It’s pitch black out here, no one can see anything,”
chuckled Adam.
“Well,
I’m not sure how well sound travels out here, I don’t
trust myself.”
Adam
spoke sympathetically, “You don’t need to defend yourself, Jarrod.” His voice
dropped, “When Hop Sing talked to me earlier I suddenly understood how
difficult it was for you. I felt my
whole world drop out from under me, especially thinking about how your family
reacted.”
“You
have a wonderful family. They remind me of my own in some ways. It’s nice being
here.”
“I’m
glad you’re enjoying it. You need some time just relaxing...” Adam teased, “and put on some weight. You too skinny.”
Jarrod
smiled, “My family was always telling me I was getting fat and now that I’ve
lost the weight I don’t plan on gaining it all back.”
Adam
rested his hand behind Jarrod’s back and his other hand slipped under his shirt
again, “I like the way you look, but you really do need to take better care of
yourself and that means eating better.”
“That’s
calling the kettle black!” Jarrod covered Adam’s hand but didn’t remove it and
they sat for a long time just enjoying the closeness. After a time, Adam yawned and hearing it,
Jarrod insisted, “Come on. It’s time to get some sleep. After being up all
night last night I know you’re exhausted.”
Removing
his hand, Adam eased himself to his feet and sighed, “I wish we didn’t have to
be apart when you’re here.”
“I
know, but we can’t take any chances.”
The
two men headed towards the front of the house, but as they rounded the corner,
Adam grabbed Jarrod and pulled him into his chest. He leaned in dropping a
gentle kiss on his lips, but kept it light afraid he would get carried away
with anything more passionate. Jarrod returned it and they broke apart,
reluctantly heading to their own beds for the night.
The next day Adam could no longer slack off on his duties
and Jarrod joined him for the day as the two men helped out with the
branding. Ben was duly impressed with
Jarrod abilities and made a point of telling him so. Jarrod shrugged off the compliment but
inwardly thought how much differently he was regarded by strangers as opposed
to his family. Whenever he’d helped out
on the ranch or even suggested it, he was always made to feel less worthy and
over time he’d only helped when it was absolutely necessary. Adam and his family did wonders for Jarrod’s
morale and he found himself not only looking forward to the work but enjoying
it as well.
Ben watched Jarrod work, amazed by the lawyer’s stamina
and knowledge with cattle. He’d obviously spent time on a ranch and his respect
for the man went up a notch. Jarrod had tried hard to hide his hand, but Ben
had seen it and after a brief moment of concern, Jarrod assured him it wouldn’t
slow him down. Awkward at first, Jarrod
figured out how to work around it and didn’t let it limit his work. It wasn’t beneath him to dirty his hands and
he never complained the whole day despite the backbreaking work. By late afternoon, they were all tired and
Ben felt a little guilty for working Adam’s friend so hard when he was supposed
to be on a ‘vacation’ from work.
He called out to Adam as he and Jarrod released the latest
calf, “Adam, why don’t you and Jarrod go back to the house and tell HopSing we’ll be in soon. You can get a head start on
cleaning up and we won’t all be clamoring for a bath all at once.”
Straightening up with a hand on his sore lower back,
Jarrod removed his hat and wiped his sweaty brow. Adam was proud of Jarrod and the work he’d
put in, but he wasn’t used to the work and was going to pay the price
later. Thankful for his father’s
intervention, he smiled at Jarrod, “Come on, let’s get out of here before he
changes his mind.”
Jarrod needed no urging and they took their leave. By the
time they got home, Jarrod’s muscles had begun to stiffen up and dismounting
brought an unexpected grunt of pain. Adam looked over the saddle at Jarrod and
smiled, “Little sore?”
“You could say that,” sneered
Jarrod. “I knew I took up law for a reason.” He walked his horse to the barn
alongside Adam and moving took away some of the soreness that had started.
“You held up pretty good today,” said Adam proudly as they
headed for the bathhouse off the kitchen.
“Well I did grow up on a ranch. I’m not as inept as some
would believe.”
Detecting the subtle bitterness in Jarrod’s tone, Adam
tried to deflect his anger, “I know you’re not and my father was certainly
impressed. That isn’t an easy task to accomplish.”
Rubbing the soreness in his arm, Jarrod had to smile, “I
wonder if he’ll be so impressed tomorrow when I can’t move.”
As they entered the steamy room, Adam nodded at Hop Sing’s readiness. “A hot bath will do wonders. Go ahead and
go first and I’ll bring you some fresh clothes.”
When he returned a short time later, Jarrod was lying back
in the tub with water up to his chin and his eyes closed. Sitting on the edge of the big tub, Adam
silently admired his lover. With his hair wet and uncombed, Jarrod looked more
youthful and he resisted the urge to reach out and touch the strands that clung
to his forehead. Adam wondered if Jarrod
was sleeping and his suspicions were confirmed when he started to slip beneath
the water. With lightning speed, Adam’s arm darted out and pulled a sputtering
Jarrod back out of the water.
With a deep breath, Jarrod looked at him sheepishly, “Must
have fallen asleep.”
“Must have. You’d better get out before you
drown.”
When Adam didn’t move away, Jarrod raised an eyebrow, “You
going to watch me or what?”
“I plan to watch,” said Adam, his dimpled grin smiling deviously.
Holding up his hands, he added, “I promise not to touch.” As Jarrod stepped out of the tub, water
dripping off his long lean form, it was Adam’s undoing, “Oh the hell with
that!” Before Jarrod could react, Adam’s
long arms were wrapped around him and his hands had a tight grip on his naked
ass. Burying his head in Jarrod’s neck,
Adam sighed, “You feel so good.”
Adam’s fingers slipped into his wet crevasse and Jarrod
pushed himself into his embrace hard and demanding as they lightly caressed his
sensitive opening. Taking it as an invitation for more, Adam bent him over the
tub and kneeling behind him, reached up and slowly inserted a finger into
Jarrod’s tight entrance. Breathing hard,
Jarrod jerked when Adam found his tiny gland and began playing his finger back
and forth across it. His arousal was
growing painfully hard rather quickly and he moaned his need, “Now,
Adam...can’t wait.”
Grabbing Jarrod’s distended and aching flesh, Adam pushed
his finger in and out of a few times as he stroked the pulsing length in his
hand. When he felt the familiar constriction around his finger, he knew that
Jarrod’s release was imminent and within seconds his hand was coated and Jarrod
was barely holding himself up as he spasmed over and
over in ecstasy. Adam removed his finger and Jarrod slumped to the floor on his
knees trying to catch his breath.
Breathless, Jarrod tried to speak, “Oh god,
that was incredible.” Adam was already on his feet, and was quickly
removing his boots and pants, his own flesh needy for attention. Grabbing his erection, he let his head fall
back as he stroked himself.
Looking up, Jarrod asked hoarsely, “How much time do we
have?”
Adam shook his head, “Not much.”
“Let me help,” insisted Jarrod, as he moved himself closer
to Adam and let his mouth take the place of his hand. Adam sucked in a sharp
breath as Jarrod’s warm mouth enclosed his hot flesh and he fought the urge to
slam forward, instead letting Jarrod set his own pace. His world narrowed to the tingling at the
base of his shaft when Jarrod suddenly took his entire length into the back of
his throat. Adam looked down and couldn’t stop the panting as Jarrod buried his
nose in his coarse hair and swallowed his length over and over.
Frantic with need and desperate for release, watching and
feeling Jarrod take him all was too much, “Oh god, Jarrod... you gotta...stop... I’m gonna
scream!! Please... not here!!!”
Jarrod eased off and swallowed convulsively as Adam came
hard in his mouth. He glanced upward to see Adam biting down hard to stop from
crying out and he sucked every drop from his pulsing shaft until it was soft in
his mouth. Adam sat back on the edge of
the tub trembling from the aftermath and whispered breathlessly, “Where the
hell... did you... learn that?”
Grinning with satisfaction, Jarrod stood up and leaned in
to kiss Adam as he sighed contently, “Did you like that?”
Adam’s head dropped to his chest and he shook it weakly,
“I thought I was gonna die for a minute there.”
Chuckling as he got dressed, Jarrod teased Adam, “Hmmm...
I guess you’ll have to come up with some place where no one can hear you scream
if you want the full affect then.”
Adam looked up sharply and shivered uncontrollably at the
thought. Very seldom did his wit leave
him speechless but he was unable to think of anything to say, his thoughts
drifting helplessly to the sensations of being buried in Jarrod’s throat. He sat with his mouth still hanging open as
Jarrod finished dressing, leaving him to his bath.
Fifteen minutes later he joined Jarrod in the living room.
Leaning over the chair Jarrod was sitting in, he
dropped his hand to his shoulder and whispered, “I thought we’d go riding to a
nice secluded spot on the ranch tomorrow.”
Jarrod blushed deep red, but was
saved from answering when Adam’s father and brothers came through the front
door. Adam stood behind Jarrod’s chair and greeted his family, “Did you finish
up?”
The three men removed their chaps, hats and gun belts and
Ben was about to answer when Joe nudged Hoss in the
ribs and said impishly, “I’ll race ya to see who gets
the first bath.” Hoss just missed grabbing his
brother, but Joe was too quick.
Hoss kicked at the floor, “Dad burnit, Pa, he always gets the first bath.”
Ben smiled at his middle son, “It looks to me like he
didn’t get the first one tonight. Your brother and Jarrod are looking like
they’ve already gotten cleaned up to me.”
Heading toward the stairs, Hoss
mumbled, “He better be done by the time I’m back down here or I’m draggin’ him outta there whether
he’s done or not. I’m starving and I ain’t waitin’ on supper cuz he’s soakin’.”
“Please bring me some clothes would you Hoss and maybe I can speed Little Joe up for you.”
Hoss climbed the stairs, “
Within the hour the four men were enjoying another of HopSing’s meals and conversing little as they ate. A full day’s work made eating more important
than talking and it was only when they started on dessert that the conversation
improved.
“I thank you for your help today, Jarrod, although I do
feel guilty having you work when you should be resting.”
Jarrod shook his head, “I enjoyed it. I don’t get out of
the office near enough any more.”
“Well you handled yourself very well today.”
“For a lawyer?” grinned Jarrod.
Ben laughed, “Well you obviously haven’t been a lawyer all
your life. You are too much at ease with the working end of a ranch.”
“My family owns a ranch, Mr. Cartwright. I grew up doing
it all.”
Looking at Jarrod curiously, Ben asked, “You wouldn’t by chance
be related to the Stockton Barkley’s would you?”
Jarrod’s tone was polite, but the lightheartedness of
earlier was clearly gone, “Yes Sir, that’s my family.”
Hoss whistled through his teeth,
“That’s the biggest spread in
Decidedly uncomfortable with the direction the
conversation had taken, Jarrod tried to change the
subject, but was stopped short by more curious questions from Adam’s
brothers. When Joe asked why he came all
the way to
Adam watched him leave and shook his head sadly. Joe looked at his older brother grief
stricken, “I’m sorry, Adam. What did I say wrong?”
“It’s just a sore subject. His family isn’t speaking to
him right now.”
Ben was shocked by Adam’s revelation and suddenly
understood Jarrod’s reluctance to speak about his family’s business. “I always
heard they were a real close knit group. It’s one of the reasons they are so
successful.”
Adam pushed out his chair, and wiping his mouth, set his
napkin on the table with a sigh, “They were. That’s what makes it so much
harder for him. If you’ll excuse me, Pa I’ll go see what I can do.”
“Of course.” Ben waved him off, but his
thoughts remained on the awkwardness they’d caused. No wonder Jarrod was looking so thin and
tired if he was dealing not only with his work but also the lack of family
support. The father in him sympathized
with the young man he’d already grown fond of. Maybe they could take him under
their wing and if nothing else, provide some of the
support he been missing.
Chapter 18
It was three more days before Adam and Jarrod were able to
sneak away for the day without feeling guilty.
Ben’s conscience about working Adam so hard when he had a guest finally
got the best of him and he suggested Adam take a couple days and show Jarrod
around the ranch.
The two men were up at the crack of dawn and after two
hours of riding, Adam led them to a thick grove of trees that sat on a high
bluff overlooking a small valley. Deep
in the woods, partially buried in a small hillside was a cabin. The front of the cabin was the only exposed
side and it was so carefully hidden with overgrown brush that if Adam hadn’t
pointed it out, Jarrod would have missed it.
Jarrod looked at Adam curiously, “Did you build this?”
“Yeah, several years ago right out of college. Pa wasn’t being too accepting of anything I
wanted to do for the ranch and I built this place to get away from time to
time. Let’s stake out the horses and I’ll show you the place.”
Entering the small cabin, Jarrod was impressed by its
spaciousness, once inside. It was a single
room, carved into the hillside and laboriously lined with logs. It went back
almost 15 feet and was about 10 feet wide. A stone fireplace and hearth lined
the back wall and nearby was a mound of furs that served as a bed. In the opposite corner was a small desk and
chair, and the shelf next to it was full of books and rolled papers, obviously
some of Adam’s drawings. Closer to the
door was a table and bench with another set of shelves that held kitchen and pantry
items. Not only was the cabin roomy and neat, Adam had taken the time to put in
a dovetailed floor, keeping the occupants away from the cold ground.
Jarrod whistled, “I’m impressed. How long did it take you?”
Adam shrugged, “Couple years, off and on. It wasn’t always
easy to get the time I wanted to work on it.”
Taking his saddlebags off his shoulder, Adam set them on the table while
Jarrod did the same.
Adam went to start a small fire to take the chill off the
room while Jarrod unpacked Hop Sing’s offerings for
the day. Pulling out a tin buried at
the bottom of his bag, Jarrod read the label. His eyes widened as his face
reddened and he quickly stuffed it in his pocket. Nearing the fireplace he noticed the hooks on
the wall and rid himself of his jacket, hat and gun belt. Standing up, Adam shucked his own and handed
them to Jarrod before finishing with the fire.
Stoking it one last time, he turned to join Jarrod and found him lazily
stretched out on the furs with his boots already off.
“You look comfortable,” said Adam.
Patting the space beside him, Jarrod smiled warmly. Adam began to unbutton his shirt when Jarrod
got to his knees in front of him and looked up. “Let me.” Dropping his hands, Adam watched Jarrod. Sitting back on his haunches, Jarrod ran his
hands over Adam’s long, muscular thighs and sighed at the hard strength beneath
his fingers. Moving upward, he let his
thumbs brush the cloth-covered sac between his legs and heard Adam hiss in
response. He moved higher into the
hollow of his hips and smiled when Adam flinched under his touch. His hands continued to caress up and down
Adam’s legs, teasing but never giving him the contact he desired, watching
Adam’s arousal become increasingly larger.
Adam reached down to adjust his confined flesh, but
Jarrod’s hands stopped him. “Please.”
Instead, Jarrod lifted up and let his tongue taste the
growing wet spot on Adam’s pants.
Opening his mouth, he used his teeth the tease the outline of Adam’s
arousal until he was trembling with need.
His head thrown back in the throes of pleasure, Adam moaned out loud
when Jarrod freed his straining flesh and it sprang forward, purple and pulsing
with need. As Jarrod used his tongue to
tease the sensitive underside of Adam’s crown, his hands removed his pants
allowing him full access. His own flesh
grew hard and he wondered if it was the newness of their relationship or if it
would always feel this good giving his lover pleasure. Nothing in his
experience compared to the feelings he had for this man. Every part of him wanted to touch and caress
the hard, sinewy muscles of Adam’s body, to become a part of him. So caught up in his thoughts and the steely
length in his mouth, Jarrod didn’t realize that Adam was trembling beneath his
hands until Adam began to sway above him.
Grabbing Jarrod’s shoulders for support, Adam rasped, “I’m gonna fall...if you don’t stop!”
Pulling his mouth away, Jarrod let Adam move and helped
him lie down beside him. Before Adam could even regain some composure, Jarrod
engulfed him once more in the moist warmth of his mouth. As he took in more and
more of the thick length, Jarrod had to place a firm hand on Adam’s hip to keep
him from thrusting. This was still new
enough that he fought the gag reflex and was unable to handle the
thrusting. Inhaling sharply when he felt
himself start to gag, his throat suddenly opened and Adam’s hardness slipped
deep into his throat. Adam cried out,
and he gripped the fur beneath his fingers, “OH GOD!!!”
Jarrod worked Adam in and out of his throat, his tongue
sucking at the underside of Adam’s flesh with every motion. Adam lay on the furs, thrashing his head back
and forth as the sensations overtook all else.
Whenever his balls began to tighten, Jarrod would back off, leaving Adam
desperate for completion. Jarrod was in
need of a deep breath and pulling away he sucked in some air. Adam sat straight
up, his breathing fast and shallow as he begged shamelessly, “Don’t stop!!! OH
God, Jarrod! Please!”
Pushing on his chest, Jarrod whispered, “Shh...Lay back.”
Adam lay shivering with need and watched as Jarrod
swallowed his erection again and again, his nose tickling the hairs above his
shaft. Never had he had anyone take all
his length and it was incredibly erotic to see Jarrod do so. His body needed release and he fought against
the urge to pump himself into Jarrod’s mouth. Clenching his hands into tight
fists, his body strained and tensed with his impending release. He wanted it to go on longer, but when Jarrod
suddenly inserted a finger into his tight hole, Adam screamed. His body betrayed him and as his balls pulled
up tight to his shaft, he was assaulted by the blinding light and sensations
that literally ripped through him. He
took a final gasp of air as he felt himself erupt over
and over deep in Jarrod’s throat. The
pleasure was so intense that he arched upward, wanting deeper but gaining no
advantage as his seed spewed forth. He felt helpless as the mind-shattering
climax seemed to go on forever. He
needed to breath, but in that moment it didn’t seem all that important. He
continued to spasm as Jarrod sucked every drop from his softening flesh. Sweating heavily and breathing in harsh
gasps, he trembled uncontrollably with every little aftershock.
Jarrod slid up beside him and draped himself over Adam’s
spent form. His voice was husky with
desire as he said tenderly, “I need to be inside you. I want to be a part of
you.”
Alarmed at first, Adam looked into the dark blue depths of
desire staring at him and was mesmerized by the intensity he saw there. There was such emotion and sincerity in not
only Jarrod’s words but also his look and Adam could only nod. Expecting Jarrod to see to his own needs he
was surprised when he began another slow seduction. He kissed him with tenderness and his hands
made slow and purposeful caresses up and down his torso, stopping to play with
his nipples until Adam was breathless.
Jarrod removed his own clothes but never hurried as he
continued his worship of Adam’s flesh. As Jarrod inserted one finger after
another, Adam was startled to his hear his own voice begging for more. Thoroughly coating his hard and aching shaft,
Jarrod added more of the cream Hop Sing sent over Adam’s tight tunnel. After his own experience, he was determined
to make it less painful for Adam. He was even thicker than Adam and he was
careful to stretch him fully before he slipped behind him and pushed past the
ring of muscle.
Adam tensed under him and Jarrod rubbed his back, trying
to ease the pain as he said gently, “Remember to relax.”
His voice was strained as he spoke, the muscles in Adam’s
ass holding him so firmly that he had no choice but to remain still. He was afraid he would be denied this
pleasure when suddenly he felt the constriction go away and he slipped in
deeper. Stopping, he looked up to see if
Adam was in any pain and he felt Adam lift up and push himself onto his
throbbing length. Assured that he could
move, he eased himself deeper and deeper into the hot
tunnel until he could go no further.
Leaning over Adam’s back he wrapped his arm around his waist as he
breathed in his ear, “Are you alright?”
Nodding, Adam sighed between shallow breaths, “Feels so
full.”
“Do you want me to stop?”
Adam shook his head, “NO! Oh Jarrod. All I can think of his how deep you’re buried
in me. I need you to move!”
Lifting up, Jarrod rubbed Adam’s back, “Roll to your
side.” With some maneuvering, Adam was
lying on his side and Jarrod had his thigh pushed up and in a firm grip, using
it for leverage to push in and out of his overstretched hole. Every thrust was long and slow and each time
Jarrod’s thickness brushed his prostate, Adam wanted more.
Leaning over Adam, Jarrod kissed him and sighed, “I’ve
wanted this for so long. I want it to last.” His hips pumped into Adam, his
breathing increasing and yet his voice was still remarkably controlled as he
spoke, “I love you, Adam. I’ve been so selfish the last year, denying what we
have.” His head dropped to Adam’s
forehead and Adam could see Jarrod needed to say more but was hesitating.
Adam’s hand reached out and his fingers sifted through
Jarrod’s dark hair as he asked worriedly, “What is it?”
“I sent you a letter.”
“When?”
“Just before I left. At the time I hadn’t planned on
coming. I wrote it thinking I would wait for an answer from you.” Jarrod buried himself deep in Adam and pushed
hard as he smile warmly, “I couldn’t wait.”
Adam moaned with pleasure and spoke in a strangled
whisper, “And?”
Jarrod shook his head, embarrassed, “It’s just that I had
so much to say and thinking back now and what I wrote I know it was probably
more than I should have written. It
seems corny in hindsight, but even having said that, it still says more than I
could ever tell you.” Looking Adam in
the eye, he added, “Just promise me you won’t laugh when you get it.”
“I won’t laugh,” said Adam, softly, his fingers trailing
Jarrod’s cheek as he spoke. Leaning into
his touch, Jarrod’s thrusting increased but it was still torturously slow for
Adam. As he reached to stroke himself,
Jarrod asked softly, “Wait for me.”
Removing his hand, Adam nodded and Jarrod pumped faster
and harder with each stroke. Adam was
painfully hard with need and he fought his own desires for Jarrod. It seemed to go on forever and he closed his eyes
tight, feeling the fire spread from that sensitive spot inside his ass to his
balls each time Jarrod’s slammed against it.
They moved in a perfect rhythm, their sweat coating them both as they
pushed closer to completion. As Jarrod
felt the burn begin, he grabbed Adam’s pulsing shaft and used the weeping precum to lubricate his motions as he stroked him to match
his own thrusting. Stiffening under his
touch, Adam cried out, “Now, Jarrod...I can’t... stop!”
The tightness surrounding his engorged heat sent Jarrod
over the edge and he shot his seed into Adam’s depths. They shuddered with
release and Jarrod held Adam tight as he pumped his hips forward for every last
drop, his essence finally deposited inside Adam. They fed off each other’s emotions and only
when their flesh grew soft did they succumb to exhaustion. Jarrod slumped into Adam’s side and when he
spoke, it was with a slight waver in his voice, “I never thought it was
possible to share that kind of intimacy. Being in you... I needed to be a part
of you, Adam.”
“I know. I felt the same way. It’s a closeness I didn’t
think would be possible, but for me at least it was so much more than anything
I’ve ever done. I don’t know, maybe
because of the amount of trust that is required it seems more...intimate.”
Jarrod’s fingers splayed over Adam’s chest and he draped
his leg over his thigh, “I just know that I needed to prove to myself and to
you I suppose, that it wasn’t just sex.
When I’m inside you, I want to stay that way forever.” His voice drifted
off as tiredness crept up on him, “Be that close to you.”
Pulling a blanket over both of them, Adam wrapped his arm
tighter around Jarrod and they both gave into their exhaustion and slept.
It was the first time since reconciling that they could
really enjoy themselves. After spending the morning in bed, they ventured out
and did some fishing then Adam showed Jarrod some of the surrounding area. They
cooked the fish for supper and lounged by the fire in a warm embrace just
talking. The evening was comfortable and
they shared each other before drifting off to sleep. The next morning they woke
early and after another brief session of loving they started for the ranch,
more comfortable with each other than when they’d left. Ben greeted them in the yard, “Well, how was
the tour?”
Jarrod dismounted as he spoke, “You have a wonderful place
here, Mr. Cartwright. The views are
spectacular.”
Ben puffed up proudly, “I’m glad you enjoyed it.” Turning
to Adam, he added, “A letter came for you. It’s on my desk.”
“Thanks,
Ben turned and returned to the house, smiling as he went.
He was glad to see another letter come for his son. He suspected a woman friend
but the letters had suddenly stopped a couple months ago and that was about the
time Adam had turned so sullen. Maybe
the letter meant something good for Adam.
Jarrod coming had improved Adam’s mood dramatically but he was afraid
that when his friend left he would return to his quiet ways again.
Taking the reins, Jarrod nudged him, “Go ahead. I’ll do
this.”
Adam was anxious to see what Jarrod had written and he
smiled, “I’ll be right back.”
Ben watched from inside the house as Adam retrieved the
letter and took it outside to read.
Sitting on the side porch, Adam fumbled with the envelope
and pulling Jarrod’s letter out, began reading.
Leaning forward on his knees, he found his eyes misting
over at the emotion the words conveyed.
He looked up sheepishly as Jarrod sat beside him and continued to
read. He tried blinking back his tears
but they slipped down his cheek. Seeing them, Jarrod leaned closer and clasped
the back of Adam’s neck, a casual gesture of support. Adam gave him a sideways glance and small
nod, unable to speak at the moment. They
sat that way for several minutes until Adam took a deep breath and letting it
out slowly, wiped away the dampness on his face, wishing for some privacy
again. Straightening up he patted
Jarrod’s leg and uttered a soft thank you.
Jarrod smiled and whispered something to Adam.
Ben couldn’t hear any of the words the two men spoke to
each other, but that Jarrod was there for Adam was obvious. Even more surprising was when Jarrod suddenly
slapped Adam with his hat and took off running.
Adam bolted from his seat and chased him. Jarrod was taunting him at every opportunity
and the two ran circles around the yard until Adam finally managed to tackle
him. The two went down in a heap and Adam, gaining the advantage, used his
weight to pin Jarrod to the ground.
Jarrod was laughing until Adam reached down and twisted a couple chest
hairs.
Ben watched Jarrod squirm then winced when the young man
reached his pinned arm under Adam and grabbed for some leverage of his own. Ben
laughed out loud when Adam launched himself away from Jarrod and landed on his
behind. Jarrod sat up and grinning from ear to ear, stood up, offering Adam a
hand up. When Adam took the help Ben
turned back to his own work, content that there were no hard feelings between them. He had to admit that he was fond of Adam’s
friend. Watching them wrestle like
children was a sight to see and Ben was still smiling as he shook his head and
went to work on the figures in front of him.
Chapter 19
It was another month before Adam was able to get to
Amelia smiled, “Mr. Cartwright.”
Pointing towards Jarrod’s door, Adam asked, “Is he in?”
Nodding yes, Amelia added, “He’s free.”
Adam entered the inner office without even knocking and
shut the door behind him. When Jarrod
looked up at the intrusion, his face lit up and he was out of his chair before
Adam could even walk the distance to his desk. Meeting in a tight embrace, Adam
gave Jarrod a slow kiss but kept it light. Pulling back, he sighed, “Missed
you.”
Jarrod stole another kiss, “I’ve missed you too. How long
are you here for?”
“Three or four days was the most
I could talk Pa out of and most of that is going to be very busy. I even have a
couple of parties I’m required to attend.” Adam hesitated before adding, “Which reminds me,
I’m going to need a date. Do you mind if I ask Miss Thomas, I really don’t know
anyone else?”
Bristling for a brief second, Jarrod understood Adam’s
dilemma, but he wasn’t too happy with the options. Masking his jealousy as best
he could, he teased, hoping it would hide his true feelings, “If you think
she’ll have you, many a man has tried and failed.”
Flashing him a dimpled grin on the way towards the door,
Adam replied, “I’ll just sway her with my charm.”
Adam left to speak with Amelia, and came back shortly.
“Okay I’m set and so are you. I thought
since I have to go out, we could go to supper together first. You have a date with her friend.”
“WHAT!?
I don’t need you setting me up on any dates, thank you very much!”
“This is spur of the moment and I
want to spend some time with you. She said
she’s really nice. Please, do this for me.” Leaning into Jarrod he breathed in
his ear, “I’ll make it up to you.”
The evening went much better than Jarrod expected and
despite his reservations, he found Amelia’s friend Molly to be rather engaging.
Molly was a little over five foot with a personality to match her fiery red
hair. Her sharp Irish brogue added to
her self-assuredness and she had them all laughing as they ate dinner.
Jarrod felt a twinge of guilt over his date with Molly.
The whole evening seemed like a sham of sorts and he was somehow leading her
on. Rather than enjoy her company, he found himself holding back so as not to
encourage her into thinking he was interested.
Under normal circumstances he might have turned up the charm, but with
Adam present and considering their relationship, he found he wasn’t as
interested as he might have been in the past.
And in all fairness to Molly, it didn’t seem proper.
Glancing at Adam as he flirted with Amelia, Jarrod’s
nostrils flared with jealousy. He
trusted Adam, but the two of them seemed to be enjoying each other’s company
too much for his taste. As dinner wound
down and Adam and Amelia departed for the evening, Jarrod shook off the feeling
of envy and turned his attention back to Molly. With no other options, he
decided to make the best of it. “Miss Brannon, would you like to join me for a
ride. The evening is so nice we might as well enjoy it.”
“Aye, I’d be likin’
that very much, but ya need to be callin’
me Molly.”
Jarrod tipped his hat, “Molly it is then.” As they were
seated in the carriage, Jarrod made small talk, “Have you and Amelia been
friends long? You seem to be very close.”
Molly almost laughed out loud until she realized he was
serious and had no idea about her and Amelia.
Composing herself she answered with a straight face, wondering why her
‘date’ wasn’t party to the truth. “Aye, she and I go way back. We came from
“You came out here alone?” said Jarrod with surprise. It
was unusual for a woman to travel west without family of some sort.
“Now didn’t I just say we came together.
That wouldn’t be alone now would it?” quipped Molly.
Smiling, Jarrod shook his head, “That’s not what I meant.”
Grinning briefly, Molly added, “We met in
Jarrod knew what she was saying and he admired them both
for finding a way to live without resorting to such measures. “And neither of
you had family?”
Molly hesitated a moment, before answering with a bit of
bitterness, “Not so’s it would matter.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to pry.”
Shaking her head, Molly reassured him with a brief pat on
his leg, “You wasn’t. I’d just rather not be bringing
it up. How ‘bout you? What is yer
family like?” Seeing him blanch, Molly’s
eyes widened, “So we wouldn’t be the only ones at odds with the family.” She chuckled lightly, “’Tis
a sad lot we are.”
Jarrod couldn’t help but smile at her carefree attitude
and it was a balm to his saddened heart. “You don’t let much affect you, do
you?”
“Don’t get me wrong. I used ta
worry about what me family thought of me, but sometimes ya
just have to decide what’s more important. Yer family or yerself.”
“I assume you picked yourself then?”
“Aye, as you have.”
Lifting an eyebrow, Jarrod was caught off guard by her frankness. He
found her a nice change from the quiet demure woman he normally spent time
around. Molly was afraid she’d spoken out of turn and quickly apologized,
“See...Now I’ve done it again. I’m sorry. I sometimes forget to hold this
tongue of mine.”
Smiling to reassure her, Jarrod spoke, “No, I was just
thinking how different you are from other woman I know.”
“I’m not sure if that be a good or bad thing,” laughed
Molly, seemingly unconcerned about what he thought of her.
The two talked and laughed for a couple more hours.
Glancing at his watch Jarrod realized it was getting late, “I best be getting
you home. What kind of gentleman would I be if I kept you out too late?”
“I’ll not be commenting on that!”
Jarrod laughed at her wit, “I can’t remember the last time
I’ve had such a wonderful evening with such a beautiful young lady and I hope
that you never change, Molly.”
Walking her to her door, he wondered if she expected a
goodnight kiss. He realized suddenly that in all the time they’d spent talking, Molly hadn’t used her womanly ways to sway him or
gather him into her clutches. Everything about her was honest and upfront and
he found it rather refreshing. Her
natural ways had put him at ease early on in the evening and he hadn’t felt any
of the pressure that was normally associated with a first date. They had drifted from one conversation to the
next without thought and the time passed quickly. Taking her hand Molly’s hand in his own, he
spoke sincerely, “Molly, I want you to know that I thoroughly enjoyed this
evening.”
“I must admit I was rather skeptical, but I enjoyed it
too. It’s a rare thing to find such a gentleman.” Molly too found Jarrod to be
a change from the men she’d been with in the past. He wasn’t out for anything more than an
evening of companionship and knowing what she did, it was very easy to be herself. He didn’t
seem to mind her openness and they’d laughed about it several times that
night. She smiled to herself...if she
were looking, he wouldn’t be a bad catch at all.
After a few more pleasantries, he kissed her briefly on
the cheek and saying his good night, made his way home. He was sound asleep by the time Adam arrived,
but he stirred slightly when he felt the warm body slide behind him in his
sleep. The next morning had them hurrying
to get ready after a brief interlude of loving.
They were so rushed for time that Jarrod hadn’t had time to find out how
Adam’s evening had gone or vise versa.
Two nights later Adam had to attend another social
function. Jarrod found himself on
another date with Molly and his guilt was even greater than the first night.
The fact that she really seemed to enjoy his company only intensified it. He couldn’t seemed to relax and Molly picked
up on it as the evening progressed, “You gonna be tellin’ me what it tis that is botherin’ ya?”
As they walked along the boardwalk, Jarrod hooked his
hands in his pockets and naturally held out his elbow for her to take. Old
habits were hard to break, no matter what the circumstances. “I don’t want to
see you hurt, Molly. I feel like I’m leading you on. Two dates in such a short
time.” Molly sighed inwardly at his honesty and decided it was time that he
understood she wasn’t any more interested in a serious relationship than he
was.
“Don’t be lettin’ it go to yer head now. I be doin’ this as
a favor fer Amelia, not because I like ya or nothin’,” said Molly
lightheartedly, hoping it would alleviate some of his anxiety.
Her voice held no animosity and he quipped back, hoping
she was being honest with him, “I suppose all that laughing was you being kind
to me.”
Molly planted her hands on her hips and said with a
feigned annoyance, “Aye. Can’t two people be friends without all the other
nonsense?”
Jarrod smiled and then looked at her seriously, “I really
have enjoyed being with you, Molly, but I can’t be any more than a friend.”
“And who’s asking ya to, pray
tell?” Molly took his arm again and started walking, speaking softly as she
went, “I don’t want a relationship with ya if that is
what yer thinkin’. I started out doing this as a favor fer a friend, but I can see now that she and I need to be havin’ a wee little talk about the
truth.”
Frowning at her, Jarrod asked, “I don’t understand.”
Leading him to a bench further down the boardwalk, Molly
had him sit then sat down beside him. “I think you've been mislead and I won’t
be a party to it no more.” Jarrod was even more confused than before and she
continued, “Amelia knows about you, Jarrod...about you and Adam.”
Jarrod paled and swallowed hard as his heart raced with
fear and anger. He tried to rise, but
Molly stopped him with a firm hand on his arm and he reluctantly sat back down.
“Now don’t be getting’ upset til ya
hear me out.”
“There’s nothing to hear,” snapped Jarrod. “Did you enjoy
playing me for the fool? What did you hope to gain? Blackmail,
public humiliation...what?”
When Molly’s hand reached out and slapped him sharply,
Jarrod looked at her in shock and slowly reached up to rub the heat from his
cheek. Molly’s own face was red, but
hers was quite clearly from anger, “Don’t you be speakin’
like that to me. I’m doin’ ya
a favor here. Now shut yer mouth and listen!”
Before Jarrod could say anything Molly’s voice softened
and she wasted no time or words explaining the whole situation. Jarrod sat dumbfounded and he slumped forward
with relief as he muttered, “I think Amelia isn’t the only one that is going to
be having a talk.”
Molly dropped her hand on his back and spoke softly, “I’m
sorry they didn’t tell ya. I shoulda
said somethin’ to ya, but I
wasn’t plannin’ on seein’ ya again.”
“It wasn’t your place to have to say anything, Molly. Here
I was worried about you, worried about what Adam was doing and I’m left feeling
the fool.”
“Now don’t be doin’ that. Surely
that lawyer brain of yers can think of a way to get
back at ‘em, can’t it?” said Molly slyly.
Jarrod lifted his head slowly, a cunning smile creeping
onto his face. “Molly, what do you say we have a little fun with them?”
Smiling, Molly answered enthusiastically, “Aye, I always
liked a little fun!”
~*~
The next day Molly made an unexpected visit to Jarrod’s office
and wasn’t surprised to find Adam waiting to take him to lunch. She greeted Adam and Amelia and spoke
politely, “Amelia, I’m supposed to meet Jarrod for lunch, is he here?”
Amelia looked at her in surprise and stammered a reply,
“Um...uh...he’s in his office. I’ll tell him you’re here.” As she passed Adam, she shrugged her
shoulders at his own shocked expression and proceeded to Jarrod’s door.
Just as she opened it, Jarrod came through and ignoring
Adam and Amelia, greeted Molly with a big smile, “MOLLY! I’m glad you could
make it. Just let me grab my coat and we’ll go.” As if seeing Adam for the first time,
Jarrod’s allowed his face to fall, thanking his years as a lawyer for his
ability to play any part. “Adam, I completely forgot. I asked Molly to
lunch.”
Appearing to think quickly, Jarrod shot a look at Adam and
then Amelia, “Why don’t you two join us? We’re just going down the street. We
can all walk.”
Adam felt his face flush with embarrassment, but he
recovered quickly and holding out his arm for Amelia, answered, “I suppose we
might force ourselves to join you for lunch.”
He flashed her a dimpled grin, but it never
made it to his eyes and Amelia’s own face reflected her confusion. As they walked to lunch, Jarrod and Molly
made a point of staying close and they went on about how glad they were to have
the opportunity to meet each other, thanks to their ‘friends’.
By the time they made the restaurant, Adam was
seething. As they entered, Molly winked
at Jarrod and excused herself to the ladies room, followed immediately by
Amelia. Jarrod barely checked his hat
when Adam pulled him around the corner and was standing in his face, hissing at
him, “You want to tell me what that was all about? Don’t you know...” Adam realized his
error immediately and tried to backpedal only to find Jarrod’s finger planted
firmly in his chest.
His eyes were dark with a hint of fury as he spoke, “Don’t
you ever hide something like that from me again!”
Jarrod left him to join the women. Amelia was looking
rather red-faced and Molly smiled at Jarrod. “Are ya feelin’ better now?”
“I believe I am,” said Jarrod rather proudly.
Adam stepped up behind Jarrod and placing a hand on his
shoulder, squeezed it gently as he spoke with remorse, “Ladies, would you mind
if we forewent lunch today?”
Everyone agreed that it would be best and Jarrod and Adam
ended up back at his office. The walk
back was awkward and Adam felt terrible for having kept everything so secret.
As the office door closed, Jarrod went for a drink as Adam tried to explain,
“It wasn’t that I didn’t want you to know.”
Jarrod’s temper was just below the surface as he spoke,
“Then why? How could you keep something like that from me?”
“I didn’t know how to tell you without causing you more worry.
Amelia found out about us several months ago.”
“HOW?”
“She overheard you and Nick the last time he was at the
office. I’d hoped she hadn’t heard too much but that wasn’t the case. She
confronted me on it and then told me about her and Molly.”
“And you didn’t think I deserved to know the truth?”
Jarrod sat at the edge of his desk and shook his head.
Adam moved to sit beside him, “You’d been through so much
that day, Jarrod. It was the farthest
thing from my mind.”
“You could have told me when you set me up with Molly.”
His voice dropped, “You made me look like a fool. Everyone knew but me.”
Closing his eyes, Adam nodded his head slowly, “I should
have said something. I was trying to protect them and I forgot about how you
might be dealing with it. I saw it as an
innocent date. I knew it would never
amount to anything, but I didn’t think about how you would see it.” Moving to
stand in front Jarrod, Adam slipped his hands to his waist then spoke
sincerely, “I’m sorry.”
As Adam’s thumbs caressed his hips, Jarrod couldn’t stop
the stirring in his groin and his head went back as he moaned with pleasure.
“That’s not fair.”
Leaning into him, their groins brushing against each
other, Adam breathed in Jarrod’s ear, “I said I would make it up to you.” He
nibbled at his ear as his hand slipped over Jarrod’s hardness, “I promise to
never keep anything from you again.”
Jarrod was heady with desire, as Adam’s fingers danced up
and down his length. “Stop, Adam. You have to get to your meeting.”
Adam hands continued their roaming as he whispered softly
between kisses, “It’ll keep.”
Chapter 20
After everything was settled and everyone understood where
they stood, the four of them found that their uniqueness also made for a
natural friendship. There were no
pretences, no sexual innuendos and the women didn’t mind accompanying the men
if the situation called for their presence.
More importantly, they found they could enjoy a day out
without arousing suspicion. Jarrod and
Adam could stroll the lakeside while the woman sat on
a nearby blanket enjoying their own company.
It was amazing how little people saw when all of the social customs were
in place. Adam even planned a trip up
the coast for a weekend and because they traveled as a foursome, the two women
provided each other with a chaperone. The woman stayed in one room and Adam and
Jarrod stayed in another and they all laughed at the irony of the
situation.
Over the months, whenever Adam came to town, it wasn’t unusual
to see the foursome out enjoying themselves. Before long, word spread that the
town’s two most eligible bachelors were no longer so eligible. Molly and Amelia couldn’t have been happier.
It had been a long time since they’d had more than a meager existence, and
spending time with the men allowed them freedoms they hadn’t enjoyed in a long
time. They weren’t social creatures by
nature, but it was nice to be able to do things together that they normally
wouldn’t have gotten to do, even if it was in the company of Jarrod and
Adam. The men were more than generous
and it was a win-win situation for both couples. Except for the occasional
questions regarding upcoming nuptials they couldn’t have asked for a better solution.
Jarrod was also spending more time at the Ponderosa. Every other month or so, he made the trip to
see Adam on the pretext that he needed time away from the city. He wasn’t actually lying. In the past he often escaped to the ranch
when work became too stressful, but with that option no longer available, he
found Adam’s family a warm and welcome respite from the hectic city life. Although, they’d found ways to be together,
it was to the point where it was getting harder and harder to part, whether it
was Adam returning to the ranch or Jarrod returning to the city.
****************
Adam
sat in his room writing a letter to Jarrod when he heard the front door slam
followed by his father’s bellow, “ADAM!!!!”
Ignoring it for a moment, Adam tried to finish but his father persisted,
“ADAM, GET DOWN HERE!”
Grabbing
the letter in a huff, he hastily shoved it into his top drawer and hurried to
find out what had his father so upset. Rounding the corner, he headed down the
stairs but was stopped short at the landing, “Adam. I need you to ride up to
Ramsey’s and round up some strays. Tommy just showed up and said the fence is
down and several of our cattle have wandered over there.”
Frustrated
at the thought of riding so far halfway through the day had Adam already riled,
“Well why did he come back here? Why didn’t he just
round ‘em up and fix the fence?”
Ben
looked at him and shook his head, “You know Ramsey. He’s got most of the hands
terrified to even go up there. He took a
shot at the last few that crossed his land.”
“He
ain’t gonna hurt nobody. He’s all talk.” Adam was already strapping on his
gun belt as he added with a sigh, “Have Hop Sing fix me some grub to take. I’m
liable to be up there the rest of today and some of tomorrow. Did Tommy at
least say what damage the fence took?”
“According
to him it was just a post that came out. He said he put it back in real loose
just to keep any more cattle from wandering through.”
Grabbing
his jacket and hat, Adam retorted, “I guess that’s something. I’m gonna saddle up
Sport. I’ll be right back.”
Resting
a hand on Adam’s back, Ben consoled his oldest, “I know you don’t want to do
this but your brothers won’t be back from
“I
know,
Three
hours later he’d managed to get what animals he could find back onto the
Ponderosa, but it was too dark to fix the fence. Making camp, he was grateful for the stew and
biscuits that HopSing packed and it went a long way
in appeasing his anger and exhaustion.
Tired and full, it wasn’t long before he was sleeping soundly.
The
next morning he found a few more head and was leading them towards camp when a
shot rang out. Ducking as it whizzed by,
he swore out loud and moved the cattle faster.
Nearing the fence, he pulled the loose post out and moved the cattle
across, but not before Ramsey could shoot again. He heard the shot then felt the pain rip
across his upper arm. He looked down in
disbelief and yelled out to the old man. “You shoot again,
Ramsey and I’ll bring you up on charges.”
“YOU
KEEP THEM BLASTED ANIMALS OFF MY LAND, CARTWRIGHT! YOU GOT TO THE COUNT A FIVE
TO GET ON YOUR SIDE OF THE FENCE OR I’LL START SHOOTIN’!”
Grabbing
Sport’s reins with his good arm, Adam pulled him across the fence line and with
some difficulty he got the post upright again.
Feeling the blood trickling down his arm, Adam tore his shirtsleeve away
and could see the deep furrow the bullet had made on its way by. Taking his bandana, he wrapped it securely
around his bicep to stop the blood and thanked his luck it was only a
crease. It hurt like the devil but his
first priority was the getting the fence fixed so he could get home.
By
the time he was done, his arm was throbbing and getting hard to use. Wiping away the sweat on his brow, he mounted
Sport and headed for home. The two-hour
ride was a miserable one and he was glad to ride into the yard. Leaving Sport at the rail, he hoped his
brothers were home so they could put him up.
Tired, he walked slowly to the house, looking forward to a hot bath and
some good food.
~*~
Ben hated going through Adam’s desk but he couldn’t wait
until he returned. Needing to work on
the timber contract, he reluctantly pushed papers aside to find the figures
Adam had started on. In hindsight he
should have left it alone, but his curiosity had gotten the better of him and
spying Adam’s fine hand on the paper, he took a quick glance. The words seemed to draw him in and he found
himself unconsciously reading Adam’s letter.
J,
These last few weeks
have been too long and even though I hope to get out there by month’s end, it
might as well be forever. I don’t know how much longer I can take this
separation and being apart for such long stretches of time. As much as I
treasure our times together, the memories just aren’t enough to take away the
loneliness when I’m not with you.
Ben smiled inwardly, his
suspicions finally confirmed by Adam’s words.
His son was never one to open up about the women in his life but this
one was obviously a serious relationship. It explained the trips to
As much as it pains
me, I’m going to have to make the decision to leave here soon. We spoke during
your last visit about moving to
His hands shaking, Ben realized
that Adam was thinking of leaving the Ponderosa to live in
This was different somehow. This
time Adam would be leaving to live somewhere else with someone he loved. How could he deny his son the chance for true
happiness and a family of his own?
Clearing away the negative thoughts, Ben smiled at the thought of Adam
married with children. Besides,
Why does this have
to be so hard all the time? All I want is to be by your side and distance is
making that impossible. Is there anyway to solve this without causing more
hurt? I hate the deception and lies to my family but the alternative is no
better. After seeing you suffer so at the hands of your family, I live in fear
of losing my own if they should ever discover the truth and so the lies
perpetuate themselves.
The earlier elation vanished as he read and Ben’s worries grew.
What could be so bad that Adam felt the need to lie about it? Whatever it was, her family obviously knew
and it had caused them some serious problems and yet they were still seeing
each other. Thoroughly confused, Ben
continued reading, hoping to find some answers.
I want back all the years time took from us, Jarrod and staying here,
with you there, is only taking away more of the time we have. My next visit, we
are going to have to talk seriously about...
“Oh dear god, no....”
Chapter 21
Walking into the house, Adam spied
his father sitting in his chair by the fire and the inviting warmth drew him
closer. Turning to address Ben, he saw
the vacant look in his father’s eyes and was instantly concerned. Squatting in front of him to get his attention,
Adam asked with a frown, “Pa, what is it?”
Ben sat staring absently at his
son, the crumpled paper held tightly in his hand. He looked Adam in the eye and lifting his
hand, showed him the letter he’d read earlier. Adam glanced down at the paper and
instantly recognized it. His face paled and he angrily snatched the letter from
his father’s hand. With barely contained
rage, he stood up and shouted, “You had no right!”
“I didn’t go looking for it. I
wish now I’d never read it,” said Ben, his voice unmistakably upset.
“I wish you hadn’t either. You had
no business reading my personal things.”
Adam was more afraid than he’d ever been and he needed to get away
before his father had a chance to come to his senses. All that Jarrod had
suffered at the hands of his family came crashing down on him and Adam wasn’t
sure he could handle his father’s disappointment. Turning on his heels, Adam
strode towards the door, intent on getting away.
Ben bolted after him, “Adam,
wait!” Reaching him halfway across the yard, Ben grabbed his arm and spun him
around. Adam gasped sharply at the pain in his arm and Ben saw the makeshift
bandage, “You’re hurt!”
Wrenching his arm from his
father’s grasp, Adam pulled away and rushed towards Sport, “I’m fine. Leave me
alone, Pa!”
Following behind his son, Ben
demanded some answers, “Why, Adam? Why this?”
“You think I wanted this. God, Pa,
I didn’t ask to be this way. I can’t change who I am. Believe me, I’ve
tried.” Mounting Sport with some
difficulty, Adam gritted his teeth in pain and yanked on the reins to escape
his father. “I’m leaving,
Adam rode away, and Ben stood
alone in the yard as he watched him ride off.
Ever since reading the letter, he’d hoped it was all some mistake, but
Adam had confirmed his worst fears by leaving. All he was left with was
unanswered questions and an ache in his heart.
~*~
Sitting in his study, Jarrod was about to go for more
coffee when
Almost a year ago, Hop Sing had insisted he look up his ‘cousin’,
worried he wasn’t eating right without someone to look after him. Jarrod finally relented and
Jarrod was wary of having help when Adam was in town, but
Taking the cup from Po, Jarrod nodded, “Thank you,
“You need anything else, Missa
Barkley?”
“I’m fine,
“You stay. I go see who here.”
Jarrod went back to work without thought to who might be
at the door until
Lurching to his feet, Jarrod hurried to the foyer and was
shocked to see the smaller
“ADAM!” Jarrod rushed forward, his heart pounding. Adam was barely standing and his arm hung
limply at his side. Grabbing him around
the waist, Jarrod supported his weight and asked worriedly, “Adam?”
Adam leaned into Jarrod’s chest and muttered, “My
father... found out.”
Jarrod could feel the heat of fever coming off of him and
grew concerned, “Adam, what’s wrong with your arm?”
Shaking his head to clear it, Adam looked at his arm and
had to think about Jarrod’s question. His arm hurt and he felt hot but it all
seemed so distant. “Um...I got shot.”
Holding back his questions, Jarrod spoke gently to him,
“Let’s get it taken care of, Adam. You’ve got a fever.” Helping Adam up the stairs, he beckoned Po,
“Would you go for the doctor,
“I go, be right back!” The little man nodded anxiously and
hurried away.
Jarrod got Adam to his room and carefully removed his
bloodstained shirt, wincing at the redness that surrounded the gash in his
upper arm. “Adam, can you tell me what
happened? How did you get shot?” It terrified him to think that Ben was somehow
responsible for Adam’s injury.
Adam rolled towards Jarrod and related the whole
story. His voice never wavered and
Jarrod attributed his monotone delivery to the shock and fever. By the time Jarrod had him changed into a
nightshirt,
He didn’t need to
be told that the fever would have to run its course and the next few days would
be critical. Sitting with him all
through the night, Jarrod cooled Adam with wet towels and offered what
reassurances he could when Adam got lost in his delirium.
~*~
Hat in hand, the older gentleman hesitated a moment before
asking, “Is Adam here?”
Worry etched the man’s features and
“I’m his father. May I speak to him please?”
~*~
As he wiped Adam’s hot skin down with a cool rag, Jarrod’s
thoughts centered on the consequences of the latest turn of events. Nothing was ever easy and it was foolish to
think they wouldn’t eventually be found out by Adam’s family, and yet they had
taken every precaution to avoid just that especially when he was visiting. Jarrod found himself
mourning the loss of Adam’s family as his own and worried how Adam would adjust
when he was more himself.
He sat next to him on the bed, lost in thought when a familiar
voice spoke up from the doorway. “Adam!”
Jarrod instinctively scrambled off the bed and stood
nervously as Ben approached his son.
Dropping his hat on the nightstand, Ben sat on the bed and reached out
to touch the damp curls on Adam’s forehead then looked up at Jarrod and asked,
“How is he?”
“He’s had a fever since yesterday. I’ve ah... I’ve been
cooling him down the best I can.”
Ben barely took the time to notice that Jarrod looked
exhausted. He was sporting a day’s growth of beard and his clothes looked slept
in. His eyes held a sadness and weariness that touched Ben despite all else he
was feeling. His voice came out sounding gruffer than he intended. “You need to
get some sleep. I’ll take over.”
All Jarrod heard was his dismissal and he respected Ben
too much to argue. He refused to make it
difficult for Adam and he reluctantly turned to leave, his shoulders dropping
dejectedly. Almost to the door, he
turned back and spoke to Ben rather meekly, “If you need anything, just let
Ben only nodded an acknowledgement and Jarrod walked away
feeling as though Adam’s father was barely able to tolerate his presence. He knew Adam would be well cared for but that
didn’t ease the hurt he was feeling. The
only thing he wanted was to be there for Adam and that had just been taken away
from him. More unnerving was the lack of
welcome he received from a man he’d come to admire over the last year. Making his way downstairs, he sat in the
parlor where he stared absently into the fire for several hours.
Ben left
Blinking a couple of times Jarrod finally realized he was
being addressed. He stood up too quickly
and was caught by a wave of dizziness. Grabbing the chair back he steadied
himself and wiped away the perspiration that gathered on his brow. “I’m sorry,
Mr. Cartwright. Did you need something?”
Seeing Jarrod sway, Ben instinctively reached out to
steady him. When Jarrod regained his
composure, Ben released him but stayed close. “
Jarrod shook his head, “I’m not hungry. I’ll get it for you.” He moved sluggishly and
Ben watched him closely as he followed the young man to the kitchen.
“Jarrod, you need to get some rest, before you fall down.”
“I’m fine,” said Jarrod with little emotion, and Ben’s
concern grew. The exhausted and defeated
individual before him was a startling transformation from the self-assured
gentleman he’d grown accustomed to.
Jarrod’s eyes were bloodshot and raw and Ben was sure he was close to
the point of collapse.
Ben sat at the table, and motioned for Jarrod to sit. “We
need to talk, you and I.”
Chapter 22
“There is nothing to talk about Mr. Cartwright. This is
between you and Adam.” Jarrod turned to leave and was stopped short by Ben’s
hand on his arm.
“Sit!” Pushing food in front of him, Ben added with authority,
“Eat!”
Jarrod sat down heavily, but ignored the food in front of
him. Ben poured coffee for both of them
and sat across from him at the small kitchen table. Picking at his own food, he watched Jarrod
take a sip of the hot brew and close his eyes wearily. “You need some sleep,
son.”
Ben’s words cut through Jarrod like a knife and his eyes
snapped open. “What do you want from me?”
Rubbing the back of his neck, Ben sighed, “I just want
some answers.”
“It’s not my place to give them to you.” Jarrod rubbed his eyes with the heels of his
hands and leaving an elbow on the table, rested his head in his palm.
“I think it is.”
“No, Mr. Cartwright, it’s not. This is strictly between you and Adam. I
can’t be a part of it.”
“But that’s just it, you are a
part of it.” Jarrod hung his head, and
Ben continued, “I’m not saying I agree with what you and Adam are doing. I
can’t say that I ever will, but I am not so naïve to think that it doesn’t
happen.” Jarrod hid his surprise and
listened as Ben continued to speak, “I was on a ship in my younger days. For
months at a time, the only companions were men.
Friendships were formed and bonds forged between mates. Some of those
friendships went beyond what would be considered acceptable, but so far at sea
it was easier to turn a blind eye than to punish the offenders. As long as it
was kept discreet, the officers ignored it.”
“Is that what you want, to ignore it? It’s too late for
that.”
“Why? Why can’t you just find a woman to...uh...fulfill
your needs?”
“If it were that simple I assure you we wouldn’t be
risking so much to be together. I lost my family over this, Mr. Cartwright.
Family I always thought would stand by me.”
“So your family knows the truth?”
Jarrod’s voice spoke bitterly, “They insisted I could be
saved from my sins but when I refused, they had no problem kicking me out. I haven’t seen my brothers in over a year and
I only receive an occasional letter from my own mother and sister. My mother was always my father’s biggest
supporter. She helped him build an empire. I am a threat to all he stood for.
It pains her to think how he would have reacted learning his oldest son was an
abomination. Oh she doesn’t say it, and I’m sure she still wants to believe
that I’ll someday realize the error of my ways and suddenly change overnight.
You’ve heard the phrase ‘out of sight, out of mind’. That is the position my
family has taken regarding my life.”
Sadness gathered in his eyes and he looked at Ben, “Please don’t cast
Adam out of your life. You can’t begin to imagine the hurt and pain that will
cause him.”
He rushed forward and knelt on the bed, his hands pinning
Adam to the bed, “Adam! Calm down.”
Adam’s eyes were glazed with fever when he opened them to
the sound of Jarrod’s voice. His voice was throaty and frantic as he spoke, “He
knows, Jarrod. Oh god, I’m sorry.”
Taking Adam into his embrace, Jarrod muttered gently,
“It’s gonna be okay. We’ll figure something
out.” The heat coming off Adam alarmed
him and Jarrod quickly pulled the nightshirt off. As he threw it aside, Ben
rushed into the room and was flustered by the closeness of the two men. Jarrod
shot him a sideways glance and ordered
“Shhh... I’m not going
anywhere.” Jarrod emotions were running high, but he forced everything back
knowing Adam’s father was watching everything that took place between himself
and his son. Very softly, Jarrod spoke
to him, “Your Father is here, Adam.”
Adam looked up sharply, and when his eyes found his
father’s he couldn’t stop his tears. Words spilled out in desperation, “I’m
sorry, Pa! I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t make it go away. Please don’t hate
me.”
The effort drained him and he slumped in Jarrod’s arms,
lost once more in the darkness that was both comforting and tormenting. His
sleep was restless from fever and words of anguish punctuated the silence in
the room as he relived his worst fears.
Ben blinked back his tears and moving to the bed, took a
hold of Adam’s arm. His voice was but a
whisper as he said to Jarrod. “Let’s get him in the tub.”
They carried Adam’s limp form between them and even with
“Shhh... We need to cool you
down.”
“Hurts!”
“I know. As soon as your temperature drops we’ll get you
back in bed.” Jarrod held Adam’s head in the crook of his neck as they poured warm
water over his heated skin.
As Adam began to cool, he started to shiver and he clung
to Jarrod. “Colddddd!”
Jarrod helped him stand and they got him dried and back
into bed, his fever gone for the moment.
Adam was aware of his father’s presence but he couldn’t look him in the
eye, too afraid of what he would find there.
As he settled back in the pillows, he reluctantly opened his eyes and
found his father looking down at him. There was no recrimination or disappointment,
only love and concern. When Ben reached
out and held his cheek, Adam’s breath caught, “You don’t hate me?”
Grasping the back of Adam’s neck, Ben pulled him up into
his arms, “You’re my son. I could never hate you.”
“But...” Adam glanced over his father’s shoulder and
seeing Jarrod, realized that he’d been so much luckier than Jarrod in that
regard. Jarrod could see it too and he
struggled to contain the pain of his own loss.
“We’ll talk about it when you’re better. Just rest for now.”
The way Ben comforted his son was more than Jarrod could take and he
brushed back a tear and turned away.
Adam watched Jarrod leave and reached out his hand at his
retreating back, “Jarrod!”
Ben turned sharply and saw Jarrod hurry away. Looking back
at Adam he asked with a frown, “What is it, son?”
He slumped back on the bed, his eyes closed tight against
the ache in his heart. “It’s nothing,
~*~
Jarrod retreated to his study where his first stop was a
shot of bourbon. It burned on the way
down and warmed his stomach as it hit bottom.
With no food for the past twenty-four hours, it didn’t take long for the
single glass of liquor to numb some of the pain away. He sat down and found himself drifting in and
out of memories... memories of his own family and how at one time he could have
found comfort in their presence. There
was no comfort to be found anywhere anymore. He’d lost his last remaining
support with Ben’s discovery.
Ben had hoped that Jarrod had gone to rest but when he
asked
“Jarrod?”
Looking up, Jarrod shook his head, trying to focus on
Ben’s face. He tried to rise, but his
head spun and he sat down heavily. Ben
stopped Jarrod from trying to stand again with a firm hand on his shoulder as
he stated, “Adam’s fine. He’s resting.”
Jarrod gave an audible sigh and Ben felt him relax under
his hand. “What are you going to do about Adam?”
“What can I do? He’s an adult. If I forbid it then he’ll
leave.” Ben added sadly, “I don’t want to lose him. I love him and no matter
what he’s done, he is still my son.”
“What about Joe and Hoss?” It
worried Jarrod that Adam’s brothers would react much like his own.
Ben walked to the opposite chair and sat down. “They don’t
know.”
“Please don’t tell them. Adam would be devastated if they
no longer respected him,” pleaded Jarrod.
“He’s their brother, they’ll still love him.”
Jarrod shook his head and said gravely, “Don’t be so sure.
I once thought the same of my own brothers.”
Ben sat quietly thinking about how his sons would react
and he had to admit that while Hoss might understand,
Joe would take the news very hard. Looking at the silent pain that Jarrod was
trying to hide he asked tentatively, “What happened with your family, Jarrod?”
“They reacted like most people would I suppose.
It’s just harder when you have a personal investment in the outcome. Nick lost his temper, threw me into the
fence.” Holding up his damaged hand briefly he continued, “That’s how Adam’s
hands were hurt, trying to get me out of the wire. Nick must have told Heath right away because
we weren’t home very long before they forced Adam to leave.” Looking Ben in the eye, Jarrod sighed
remorsefully, “I’m sorry to say it was my brothers that beat Adam so badly.”
“Why?”
“They blamed him.
They were blinded only briefly by their love for me. They couldn’t
conceive of a brother of theirs doing such things, it was easier to cast blame
on someone else. When they realized that it wasn’t something Adam did, they
pushed me out of their lives. Nick still blames Adam... because admitting
otherwise would mean he’d have to admit that his own brother is touched with
the same sickness. My youngest brother Heath is terrified I’ll use him to
satisfy my carnal urges.”
“You make it sound so evil.”
“Isn’t it? Contrary to what people think, Mr. Cartwright
we did not enter into this blindly. We broke off a friendship in college
because of what we thought we felt for each other. Only when Adam looked me up a
few years ago did we begin to take it more seriously. For a year we tried
denying it, knowing full well we’d rot in hell for our sins but some things are
stronger than what the mind tells us. This went deeper and we couldn’t fight
it.” Jarrod hung his head, “Eventually we didn’t want to.”
“There is nothing I can say that would make you change
your mind?” asked Ben.
Standing up, Jarrod made it to the mantle, using it to
support himself as he turned away from Ben, unwilling to show his fears, “Not
to me...” he hesitated a moment before adding with a emotional waver in his
voice, “I don’t know about Adam. I can’t speak for him.”
Exhaustion was playing heavily on his emotions and Jarrod
began to wonder about Adam and how his father’s presence would change things. Would Ben be able to talk his son into seeing
the evil of his ways? Would Adam fear the loss of family so much that he would
abandon him? Tears gathered as his fears
surfaced and they fell heavily to the floor. Hanging his head to his chest, he
pleaded in a strangled whisper, “Please don’t take him from me... he’s all I
have left. I won’t visit the ranch...
I’ll do whatever you want...just don’t...” Jarrod was ashamed and turned to
leave, needing to escape before the man he respected as much as his own father
could see him crying.
To see Jarrod hurting and trying to hide his anguish was
more than Ben could take. Adam was right, Jarrod had suffered enough for his
indiscretions, losing everything he held dear in the process. As Jarrod tried
to slip by, Ben stood and grabbed his arm, stopping him from leaving. Jarrod wasn’t expecting it and he stood
facing Ben, his face marred with tears.
Ben shook his head, resigning himself to irrefutable
facts. “When you visit Adam he becomes someone we don’t often see. He loses
some of the seriousness and for the time you are around he is as happy as I’ve
ever seen him. It’s very hard to accept,
but even I can’t deny what I’ve seen. I
suppose the signs were all there had I known what I was looking for. It’s going to take time to get used to and I
think it best that Joe and Hoss don’t know, at least
for now.” Ben paused and lightly brushed the arm in his grasp. His voice took
on a much softer quality as he finished, “No matter what happens I’d like to
think that the time you spent with my family has meant as much to you as it has
to us.” Seeing Jarrod’s breath catch, it
dawned on him what Jarrod feared. He was worried that he had lost people that
seemed to care about him, That he had lost the one place that had helped ease
the damage his own family had inflicted... That he had lost the place he called
home.
“I care about you as much as I do Adam and hopefully the
three of us can work through this... together.” Ben watched as Jarrod blinked
back his tears of relief. Taking his
neck in a firm grasp, Ben pulled him to his shoulder.
Jarrod didn’t try to pull away from Ben’s hold, finding a
comfort he hadn’t counted on. Standing
in his embrace, Jarrod hadn’t realized how much he’d missed the strong arms of
a fatherly figure in his life and his troubles seemed to drift away. After a
few minutes he pulled away, embarrassed by his own emotions. “I’m sorry.”
Ben shook his head, and smiled warmly, “Why don’t you take
a little time to get cleaned up then go sit with him for a bit. I’ll bring you
something to eat. And I expect you to eat it!”
Jarrod squared his shoulders and nodded with respect.
“Thank you... for everything.”
Chapter 23
Adam opened his eyes slowly and lifting his hand to rub
away the sleep, he groaned at the pain in his arm. The memories flooded back
and he closed his eyes with a heavy sigh, not really ready to face the fall out
of Jarrod’s letter. Any chance at a
reprieve was shattered when he heard his father’s voice from beside the bed,
“Adam?”
His heart skipped a beat and throwing his forearm over his
face, Adam took a deep breath, “
“How are you feeling, son?”
“Just sore,
Ben reached out and touched Adam’s arm, hoping to make some
sort of connection rather than the stilted answers he was getting. “I love you,
son. I always will. What you’ve done
doesn’t change that.”
Adam lifted his arm and rolled his head towards Ben, “I
never meant for you to find out.”
“That doesn’t surprise me, but I know now and it doesn’t
change how I feel about you.”
“Oh come on,
“Hmm. I suppose I do. You’re going to
have to give me some time to get used to it, Adam. This isn’t something I’ve
ever had to consider before... at least not with one of my own sons.”
“I’m sorry. I can’t change,
“I’m not asking you to change, Adam.”
“Then what?”
“This isn’t easy to accept, son. It doesn’t change how I
feel about you, it’s just...”
“What, Pa?”
Scrubbing his hand through his hair, Ben spoke
reluctantly, “I just don’t know how hard it will be to see you with Jarrod
now.”
Adam’s voice was solemn as he spoke, “Don’t worry,
Ben shook his head, “I won’t decide that, Adam. That is
going to be between you and Jarrod. He’s welcome at the ranch, just as he’s
always been.”
Shock registered on Adam’s face, “What about Joe and Hoss?”
“I think it’s best if we keep this between us for now.”
They both were both quiet for several moments before Adam
asked hesitantly, “Pa?”
Glancing at Adam, Ben replied, “Huh?”
“What would they say if they knew the truth?”
“I don’t know, son. Hoss might
take it all right, but Joe... he’s liable to react badly at first. It would be
a blow to the image he has of you. I’m sure with time he’d come around though.
I know you two don’t always see eye to eye, but you are his older brother and
he looks up to you.”
“I’m not so sure,
Again silence descended on the room and seeing Adam
yawning, Ben patted his son’s arm, “You need to get some sleep. I’d like to see
you eat something first though. I’ll have
Adam nodded tiredly and as Ben rose to leave, he asked
tentatively, “Pa, where’s Jarrod?”
Ben smiled, “He’s sleeping. He could barely stand and I
sent him to bed this morning.” Concern passed over Adam’s features and Ben
added, “He refused to sleep until he knew you were alright. I don’t expect
he’ll be up for some time yet.” Looking
Adam in the eye, Ben’s face reflected his son’s worry over Jarrod. “I don’t
hate him or you, son. I’ll see that he takes care of himself.”
With a sigh of relief, Adam spoke softly, “Thanks,
“I’ll be right back with something for you to eat.” Ben left Adam, and as he slumped back on the
bed, he let out a deep breath in one long sigh. The whole conversation had been
a surprise and Adam’s respect for his father went up still another notch. It never occurred to him that his father
would be so accepting and he couldn’t help but feel sorry for Jarrod.
~*~
Ben lounged in the study, reading. It was already midmorning
and both Jarrod and Adam were still sleeping.
Jarrod had finally gone to bed at Ben’s insistence the day before and
still hadn’t woken. Adam was on the mend
and he wouldn’t be kept to bed much longer.
Since waking the day before he’d been eating regularly and Ben was
satisfied with his recovery. Ben had spent the day with his son, enjoying the
quality time together. Adam had been
hiding his secret for almost two years and Ben realized how much his son had
withdrawn during that time. There was a lot to catch up on and they both
relished the chance to just talk.
Sitting alone, he was pulled from his thoughts by a knock
at the door. Recalling that
“Is Jarrod here?”
“Yes he is. May I ask who is calling?” Ben led them inside
and closing the door, stood in the foyer with them.
“Aye, I’d be Molly Brannon and this’d be Amelia Thomas.
We’d be friends of his. We was worryin’
when he didna show for work.” Looking Ben over, Molly
asked curiously, “Might I be askin’ who you’d be?”
“I’m Ben Cartwright. My son Adam was injured and I’m here
taking care of him.”
Molly’s eyes grew wide and she gasped as Amelia paled.
“Adam was hurt? How bad? Can we see him?”
Ben’s surprise came out in his voice, “You know Adam?”
Hesitating, Amelia stammered a reply, tears of worry
gathering in her eyes, “We are friends of theirs. Please, Mr. Cartwright, may
we see him?”
Leading them into the parlor, Ben tried to hide his
confusion. Knowing what he did about Adam and Jarrod it was hard to imagine
them having women friends, especially women who appeared to be close enough
that they were so genuinely concerned for Adam.
The thought of either Adam or Jarrod misleading women for their own
benefit was not something that set well with the patriarch.
Jarrod slept soundly for almost a day, and his wake up
call was not at all what he was expecting. Shaken from his sleep by a firm
hand, he rolled over groggily and found Ben glaring at him. “There are two
women downstairs waiting to see you, a Miss Brannon and a Miss Thomas.”
Sitting up, Jarrod ran his hand through his hair as he
leaned forward on his knees. Yawning, he spoke without even looking at Ben,
“Tell them I’ll be right down.”
Ben didn’t budge, and emphasized rather accusingly, “They
say they are ‘friends’.”
Jarrod looked up and seeing Ben’s frown, he shook his head
wearily and sighed, “This is all I need right now.” Rising from the bed he trudged to his dresser
and began pulling out clean clothes as he spoke, “I’ll be down as quickly as I
can. Is Adam awake?”
“Yes. Why?”
“Send them up to see him.” Jarrod turned away for a moment
and muttered under his breath, “Let him deal with this.” Even if they were to explain, he doubted Ben
would be too understanding when it came to explaining
Molly and Amelia away. Besides, neither
he nor Adam would compromise the woman, so explaining to Ben that things were
not as they seemed was out of the question.
Things just seemed to be going from bad to worse for Jarrod and he
wasn’t up to dealing with it. He hoped
Adam was.
~*~
Jarrod entered Adam’s room a short time later and found
Amelia trying to mother Adam and Molly sitting in a nearby chair watching the
whole scene with amusement. Seeing
Jarrod enter, she was on her feet and went to him, ignoring Ben’s presence in
the room. Jarrod embraced her briefly and after a chaste kiss, Molly spoke to
him indignantly, “And when would ya be tellin’ us he was hurt?”
“I’m sorry, Molly. I’ve had other things on my mind
lately.”
Looking him up and down, Molly’s voice softened, “Well eatin’ and sleepin’ don’t look ta be what ya was
thinkin’ on. Ya coulda sent
Adam sighed from where he sat on the bed and smiled,
“Molly, leave him be!”
Molly crossed her arms indignantly, “Well he don’t!”
Jarrod ignored Molly’s tirade for a moment and moved to
the other side of the bed to greet Amelia, “I’m sorry for leaving you at the
office alone, I hope you managed without me.”
Nodding, Amelia reassured him, “Everything is fine.
Although you do have a couple of irate clients you’ll have to deal with when
you get back. I tried to explain you were out of town on an emergency.” Seeing
Jarrod’s surprise, Amelia shrugged her shoulders, “I didn’t know what else to
tell them.”
Squeezing her shoulder, Jarrod flashed her
a small smile, “You did fine. I’ll worry about it when I get back.”
Ben shook his head as he watched the easy camaraderie
between the four of them and he couldn’t believe that his son would treat a
relationship with a young woman so callously as to lead her on and he wondered
what the true relationship was. He hated to pass judgment on the couples but
they all appeared to get along too well to be just friends. Looking at both
Jarrod and Adam with disappointment, he addressed the ladies politely and
left. Adam sighed despairingly at his
father’s sudden departure, “Damn it!”
~*~
Thirty minutes later, Molly and Amelia were gone and
Jarrod was walking nervously beside Adam as he made his way down the
staircase. After several days in bed,
Adam had overestimated his strength and each step drained his depleted
resources. Half way down, Adam stumbled
and Jarrod reached out and with a firm arm around his waist, kept him from
falling. Grabbing the banister for
support, Adam stood motionless, gathering what reserves he had left.
“Let’s get you back to bed. This can wait,” Jarrod spoke
worriedly, his face unable to mask his concern.
Adam shook his head, sweat trickling down his face as
started down the steps again. “No. I need to talk to him.”
Jarrod caught up with him and keeping a helping hand close
by, made sure Adam made it down the stairs without falling. Adam stopped at the bottom and wiped his
brow. Taking a deep breath, he entered the study where he somehow knew his
father would be waiting. His father
looked at him sharply as he entered and his eyes resting on Jarrod who stood
right behind him, “I’d like to speak to my son alone.”
Blanching at Ben’s terse response, Jarrod consciously
dropped his hand on Adam’s shoulder, “Adam?”
Reaching up to pat Jarrod’s hand, Adam’s fierce gaze never
left his father’s. “It’s alright, Jarrod.”
Adam was clearly upset at Ben’s outright dismissal of
Jarrod and his body stiffened under his hand. Jarrod gave it a gentle squeeze
of support before turning to leave, “I’ll leave you two alone.“ Looking Ben in
the eye, he couldn’t hide all the hurt and he nodded briefly, “Mr. Cartwright.”
After Jarrod left, Adam turned to his father, his ire
rising, “That was uncalled for. He has as much right to be here as I do, this
is his house after all.” Ben had let his
fears get the best of him and he sighed with frustration as he sat heavily at
the edge of Jarrod’s desk. Adam could
see his remorse and added more sympathetically, “I know this is hard. You have
to understand that he’s a much a part of this as I am.”
Walking slowly to a chair, Adam eased himself down and
grabbing his injured arm, held it until he was able to relax enough stop the
incessant throbbing. Noticing Adam’s pain was enough to get through to Ben,
“I’m sorry, Adam. I just see two women and the closeness you obviously share
and I can’t help but wonder if you are leading them on.”
“It’s not what you think,
Ben looked dubious, “I find it hard to believe that they
aren’t expecting more from you. They are after all young and unmarried.”
Adam tried his best to hide his smile, “Trust me,
“How can you be so sure?”
Tired, Adam shook his head, “I just know,
“Why?”
“Well...every now and then we need to attend a social
function and a date is required. They are willing to go along without the commitments
involved. We have a good time and they have a good time.” Looking his father in
the eye, he tried to sound convincing in his lies, “They understand the
situation,
“I hope so, son. I’d hate to see them hurt by all of
this.”
“And Jarrod, what about his hurt?”
Ben hung his head, feeling badly for his earlier treatment
of Jarrod. He’d been upset and not
feeling comfortable yet in the presence of both men so he’d dismissed Jarrod.
Adam read his father’s thoughts and spoke softly, “I know this is hard for you,
Pa, but Jarrod is a part of me, a part of my life now.”
“I know that and I have nothing against him.” Adam eyed
him skeptically and Ben added, “I just need time to get used to seeing you
together is all.”
“You’ve seen us together,
“I think it’s time for me to go home and let you two have
some time.” Ben hesitated, “Are you really considering moving here, Adam?”
Leaning forward, Adam dropped his head in his hands and
scrubbing his hands through his hair, sighed, “I need to be here.” Looking his
father in the eye, he asked, “Can you understand that, Pa?”
Ben leaned back in his own chair, his features softening
for his son, “Yes I can. I just hate to see you leave the ranch.”
Adam flashed him a small smile, “I’ll still visit,
“Yes, Adam?”
“Will Jarrod be welcome at the ranch?”
Ben stood and dropped a hand on Adam’s shoulder, squeezing
it gently, “He’s as welcome as you are, son.
I think he’s a remarkable man...I ...he...” Emotions too strong to
convey, Ben patted Adam’s shoulder before releasing his hold, and spoke
tenderly, “I expect you both to visit.”
Grabbing for his father’s arm as he moved away, Adam met
his gaze. “Thanks,
Chapter 24
After several hours of sleep, Adam was feeling much better
than he had after his talk with his father. The short trip up and down the
stairs was exhausting and as much as he wanted to speak to Jarrod he’d barely
made it back to his own room before collapsing on the bed. Now that he was awake he wanted nothing more
than to find Jarrod and spend some time with him. It seemed like ages since they’d spent any
real time together and he craved the closeness. With a light knock he entered
Jarrod’s room, hopeful his father was settled downstairs and would not come
checking on him.
Jarrod was sprawled out on his bed, sound asleep. Moving as quietly as possible, Adam sat
beside his slumbering form and reached out to touch his sleeping lover. His hand rubbed light circles on Jarrod’s
back savoring the firmness of well-toned muscle. Something Jarrod had acquired over the last
year, working at the Ponderosa. The
muscle rippled under his touch and Adam smiled as Jarrod was pulled from his
sleep by his caresses. His head tucked on his forearm, Jarrod turned his head
enough to look at Adam will one eye, “What are you up to?”
“I’ve missed you,” said Adam, his hand continued it’s
roaming over Jarrod’s back. “I just wanted to talk.”
Lifting up on one elbow, Jarrod spoke, “About?”
Adam shrugged, “Everything, nothing, anything...I just
wanted to talk.”
Jarrod sat up, leaning on one hand to support himself as he looked Adam in the eye, suddenly worried,
“What’s wrong?”
“I could ask you the same. You’ve been keeping to
yourself.”
“Just letting you and your father
work things out.”
Jarrod’s voice came out a less than confident and Adam caught it immediately.
“What’s wrong?”
Shaking his head, Jarrod tried to move away, as he
muttered, “Nothing.”
Reaching out to stop his retreat, Adam sat at the edge of
the bed next to Jarrod. “Something’s bothering you. Please, tell me what it
is.”
“Nothing. I’ve just been worried about
you.”
“And?”
Jarrod’s shoulders slumped and he spoke in a broken whisper,
“I thought you would leave me.”
Shifting on the bed, Adam moved around Jarrod and wrapped
his good arm around his back and sighed, “Why would you think such a thing?”
Leaning into Adam’s embrace, Jarrod tried to explain, “I
thought you might be forced to make a decision between your family and
myself. I was afraid you’d realize that
your family is more important...”
Adam finished what Jarrod couldn’t speak of, “...than
you.” Jarrod nodded weakly and Adam’s arm squeezed him tighter as he leaned in
closer, “My family is important, I admit that, but not as important as
you.” Bending over Jarrod’s shoulder,
Adam spoke softly, “The letter my father found...I was writing to tell you that
we needed to discuss me moving here.”
Turning his head in surprise, Jarrod countered, “Really?”
With a dimpled grin, Adam reassured him, his voice
dropping as he spoke, “I don’t want to live away from you any more. I love
you.”
His heart soaring, Jarrod moved enough to wrap his arms
around Adam and pulling him close, dropped a soft and enticing kiss to his
lips. He pulled away, but the taste of
Adam was intoxicating, and he was lured in for another kiss. Finally breathless, he reluctantly stopped
when he remembered Adam wasn’t fully recovered.
Jarrod left feather light kisses on his face in a tiny trail as he
muttered tenderly, “I love you.”
Adam’s mouth opened as Jarrod continued his tender kisses
and his eyes fluttered shut as his head drifted back of its own accord,
exposing his neck for Jarrod’s soft caresses.
Jarrod took in the seductive pose and bit back a sigh, “You’ve been
sick. I don’t want to hurt you.”
Dropping his hand to Jarrod’s thigh, Adam whispered, “I’m
fine. I want to touch you...feel you under my hands.” Slipping his fingers to Jarrod’s groin, he
was surprised to find him still soft and his breath quickened. It was his turn to take the lead and he
breathed in Jarrod’s ear as his fingers danced across his groin, “I love to
feel you get hard. Please let me touch you.”
Jarrod looked at him anxiously, his face
already flush with desire but his groin wouldn’t respond. “I don’t think
I can with your father in the house.”
Adam stood up and purposely strode to the door, making a
show of locking it. “He won’t bother us.”
Returning to stand in front of Jarrod, Adam pulled him to his feet.
“Please! I want to feel you. Unbutton for me.” His voice turned huskier as he
nibbled the pulse point on Jarrod’s neck. “Let me touch you.”
Almost against his will, Jarrod found himself fumbling
with the buttons of his pants to allow Adam the touch what they were both
craving. After slipping his own pants
off his hips, Jarrod did the same with Adam’s and the two men stood naked from
the waist down. Adam’s hand was playing
with the silken sac beneath Jarrod’s manhood and he felt the stirring in his
shaft. He moved his hand to Jarrod’s semi-rigid flesh and savored its feeling
with long slow strokes, pulling it gently at the end of the motion wanting it
longer and harder. “God, you feel so
good. I’ve missed this...I’ve missed you.”
Wanting more, Jarrod’s own hand began caressing Adam’s
already rock hard flesh. Any inhibitions he had about doing this with Ben in
the house were cast aside and he pumped his hand up and down to match Adam’s
stroking. Breathing heavily with need,
Adam clenched his teeth and hissed at Jarrod, “Stop...want
you with me!”
Clamping tightly to the base of Adam’s erection, Jarrod
let himself catch up and as he felt the burn begin, he resumed his efforts. It
came too quick and too hard for either man to control and they slumped to the
floor on their knees, sagging against each other for support as they calmed
their breathing. Jarrod pulled Adam to
his feet. “We’d better get cleaned up for supper, before someone comes looking
for us. I’m not quite ready to face getting caught by your father.”
Adam exaggerated a cringe of fear, “Me either, believe
me.” Jarrod began to dress and Adam grasped his arm, “You’re not angry are
you?”
Jarrod frowned, “For what?”
“For forcing you into that.”
“Force me? I hardly think that was forcing.” Stepping in
front of Adam, Jarrod pulled him close against him. “I can deny you nothing,
you know that don’t you. I would do anything to make you happy.”
Giving him a tender kiss, Adam gently maneuvered out of
Jarrod’s embrace to dress, “I don’t suppose I could get away with staying with
you tonight?”
“Not with your father in the house. I wouldn’t be able to sleep all night.”
Slipping his good arm around Jarrod’s waist, Adam nuzzled
his ear. “I wasn’t necessarily thinking about sleep.”
“I feel like I could sleep for days.” Jarrod unconsciously tilted his head,
allowing Adam access even as he yawned.
Adam took in Jarrod’s weary appearance and said
remorsefully, “You look tired. I’m sorry you had to deal with all this.”
Leaning into Adam, Jarrod spoke solemnly, “I thought I
would lose you.”
Tightening his embrace, Adam sighed against Jarrod’s neck,
“Never. There is no choice for me. My family means the world to me, Jarrod, but
I can’t live without you. I need to be
here with you.” Jarrod melted in his
arms and they stood for several moments just enjoying the closeness.
“When are you going to move?”
“I think I’ll go back with Pa and pack my things,” said Adam.
Slipping away from Jarrod, he found his shirt and began dressing again, “I was
hoping you could find me a house nearby while I’m gone.”
Jarrod’s face fell, “You’re not going to live here?”
“How would it look with us both living here?”
Tucking in his shirt, Jarrod hooked his thumbs in his
pockets as he leaned into the newel post of the bed. He gave Adam a sly smile,
“You’re my best friend, surely no one can disapprove
of me offering you a place to live.”
Adam teased, “You sure you won’t mind, me living here all
the time?”
Grabbing Adam’s hand, Jarrod yanked him to his chest and
wrapped his arms around him. His voice dropped low as his blue eyes found hazel
ones, “I may not survive having you around all the time.” His hands dropped down Adam’s back and
caressing the firm muscle, pulled him even closer.
With his good arm, Adam embraced Jarrod, his hand rubbing
the hard planes of his back as he leaned in to whisper tenderly in his ear, “I
want to be with you tonight. Wake up with you.”
Jarrod traced light kisses along Adam’s jaw and smiled,
“You know I can’t say no, don’t you?”
Adam’s only response before he kissed him was a dimpled
grin.
~*~
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE LEAVING?!” shouted Little Joe.
Ben shook his head at his youngest, “Calm down, son. Let
Adam explain.”
Joe stood with his hands on the table, glaring angrily at
his older brother. “EXPLAIN WHAT?”
Slamming his hand on the table, Ben silenced the outburst.
“Joseph, that’s enough!”
Putting his hand on Joe’s shoulder, Hoss
pulled him down into his chair, “Sit down, Joe. Let Adam talk.”
Waving his arm at Adam, Joe spoke up again, “I just don’t
get it. You and Pa take off to
Adam finally spoke up, “I’ve been thinking about it for
some time, Joe. This isn’t just something out of the blue. I want to do
something with my education. I want to be an engineer.”
“So yer just gonna
leave us all behind. Just like that?”
“It’s not like you won’t see me, Joe. I’m just moving to
“Ain’t much ta
say, Adam. Reckon you already made up yer mind. I figure if this is what you want, ain’t nothin’ I gotta say is gonna change that.”
Looking at Hoss, Adam could see
his confusion at the sudden announcement, but there was no recrimination in his
brother’s eyes. He had no doubt Hoss would save his thoughts for a time when he could speak
with him alone. Hoss
would respect his decision whether he agreed with it or not, it was just his
softhearted brother’s way.
Joe on the other
hand said what was on his mind and right now he was livid. “Why can’t you get work in
Holding his frustration in check, Adam tried to explain,
“I need the experience the big city has to offer. It’s the only way to make a
name for myself.”
He knew Joe was more hurt than angry. Despite the quarrelling they did, Adam knew
that Joe looked up to him and it was hard for Joe to admit that his leaving was
hurting. Joe wasn’t the only one
hurting.
Ben sat at the head of the table, listening to the
conversation but his thoughts drifted elsewhere. He knew Adam would be moving, but he had a
hard time coming to terms with his decision to move in with Jarrod. It was inevitable, considering Adam’s reasons
for moving, but it was hard for Ben to picture his firstborn living with
another man, even if it was Jarrod.
~*~
A week later Adam returned from the ranch with his
belongings, books and clothes. Jarrod
gave him his own room but other than an occasional refuge it was never
used. They spent a lot of time at home
during the first month of transition, seldom going out after returning home
from work. Adam managed to secure a job with a reputable engineering firm,
hoping to make a name for himself before venturing
into business on his own. It meant
longer hours but the two of them managed to find time in the evenings to savor
their new relationship.